The Basement Lounge
The Basement Lounge

Season 2, Episode 24 · 1 year ago

Kyle Hates 'Star Wars'

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

You read that right. Special guest Kyle Steele (The Movie Review Hour) hates Star Wars...with a passion. Plus why did it take so long for everyone to realize Joss Whedon is a jerk? 

This week, Mike & Mike (and Kyle) talk about:

  • Kyle hates 'Star Wars' and that's...odd.
  • Joss Whedon is not a nice person.
  • Why are amateur porn stars always watching Disney movies?

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Mike Wells - @mikewtfwells

Thanks for listening! Tell your friends! 

Hey everybody. If you would like to get more involved with the show and become a VIP of the basement lounge, just head on over to our website, tbl pod dotnet and click on the become a VIP button. That will take you over to our Patreon, where you can join and become a VIP and get acts to all kinds of cool features, things like guest interviews, early released episodes, a special private rss feed for your podcast APP and so much more. Every contribution helps us grow this show into something new and more exciting. So join the patreon today. Go to our website, tbl pod dotnet, or go to patreoncom slash tbl underscore pod and become a VIP today. This episode is powered by pod decks. Go to www dot podxcom and use the code tbl Ten to get ten percent off your purchase at checkout. Once again, that's www dot pod dexcom. Welcome to the Basement Lounge podcast with your host Mike Shay and Mike Wells. Sit Back, GRAV A, drink, relax, let's see where the time takes us. Enjoy. By the way, Christopher Plumber, star of the sound of music, hated the sound of music. They really he hated and hated hate. I'm just like, what is there to hate to psycho, let's just face hated star wars. I Hate Star Wars, though. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my house. To get the fuck out of the house. You helped b hard pass hard swim out. Star Trek, I don't think I've ever I watched like, okay, which one's trek catain? No, there's there were movies that I really enjoyed. One I know something was seaworld. That's an avot now that one happens. That was s our treks for I watched a bunch of those movies and I like, really enjoyed them as a kid. There still, I think most of them still hold up. Don't watch the odd numbered ones. The odd numbered ones are all terrible. Okay, so I don't. I mean one, one, three and five of the original movies are all garb to be here. You don't have to worry about it, because I will never watch him again. But but you watched every Nicholas Cage for art. Yes, it was for the sake of arts. Sir, you need to separate the art from how big of a piece of shit. But you didn't make the movie? No, but he made the podcast. You're correct. Okay, winner, winner. We were talking earlier because I had mentioned that you had finally seen the Snider Cut. Yeah, and it was. What Kyle was saying was like how like talk about a guy who's probably never going to work in Hollywood again. fucking Joss whedon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with the allegations against them in well, how bad? Almost the say. It was like it took yeah, it's like he has all these allegations against the many keeps working and Naypar Gotsi has this joke. We eat says I like how I'm not even a comedian. I keep referencing other purpose so many comedians. I Love, love comedy. Was the comedy all the time. I was this is in the cow canade on my way here, who's like one of my favorite comics. Right, but Never Gotsi has a joke where he's like he's talking about, like have his mom hired a one leg a DJ to do the wedding, and he was like, you know, I saw you had one legging, like it wasn't that weird? He's like, until he started messing up and then I was like does he have one, like it's like I could thought of that, like in the Joss whedon case, where it's like he has all these allegations until he makes a movie that is just universally hated and then everyone's like, oh, maybe he is a sexual predator. You know, like I don't know why it took that for everyone to be like, you know, maybe that is true, but it's like that's how it works, like until you start fucking up, everyone's like, oh, yeah, I guess he was. Every every shot at what? Every shot you have of wonder woman in your movie is of her ass. People start to go, I mean it's Nice, Jos, but I mean she's fine as hell. So yeah, it's like that's a nice ass, Jos, look at the wrong but I don't need it to be the center of every shot. Sure, you know, once I'll make it a homemade porno with her, but yes, that's that's if the weird thing about that should just be under the balls. That's speaking of homemade, I love homemade porn. There's between Amersh your porn and homemade. Absolutely. Oh yeah, porns like they're certain to get some fake Amerateur like he tas I had. I want that show in a cell phone. Yeah, I want that wilip phone. No, Kia Shits, is actually that to make a pixel? Amage? Support used to be Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson on a boat with, you know, back then, a camera that was probably this. Yeah, this, it took too hands the fucking hole. Yeah, sure, how they pulled wrote a joke. As like. I am support. I like my fare ports Amer support because it's like relatable. Like the guy kind of looks like me, that chick looks homely, somebody I'd fuck is playing in the background. That's relatable. Shit, there was what there was one that they were. They were what they were. Definitely had mouana on. Oh Yeah, I've watched it there before...

...before. I'm like, I know that. Fuck it. I remember that baseball game. She is really good at suck it. Oh Shit, are they watching a shot shank? Exactly. Remember watching one and I was like that's Mo wanna play. And then and then I'm not thinking about like they're fucking filming this and the fucking kid is like out in the living room. Are they just watching Motion Molana? Are they like Moanna trying to make it more Juanna? Mawsonly I know he gets her fucking wet. Man. I see, I only fucked a cocoa, so it's hard for me to imagine why people would get turned on. My Mind, I like I've watched some stuff as like Oh, yeah, I remember that Gamer, like yeah, that was like this is filmed like a year ago. Already get a million views. Good for you, you're making your money. There's one. We're letting them level. What I watch for like girl girls blowing a guy, like at a movie theater. And then also I can hear that gets real quite and hear the movie. I'm like, they're a beauty and the beast. Right now there are kids in that fear her. Oh Dude, AH, dude, I got I I fucked in a movie theater one time. Oh Yeah, I'm so glad my wife doesn't listen to this. Yeah, I fucked a movie theater one time. I was was King Kong, like the original comm movie was. Remember that Shit? Oh God, there's like Hey, awesome, all the way in the baby fucking movie. So it was crazy. It was wild. No, I've never done that. You can fuck during that movie and not miss anything because it's so goddamn slow. Yeah, I mean it was slow. Never speak things up a little bit. Never fucked a movie care. I always remember that Shit. Have fucked a lot of places, place them not proud of it. was. It was like I looked over and I was like, I almost saw your letter to jacket off. For Second I was like, Oh, we had a local bar right now, is that? He's like, I fucked a lot of place. I have. I don't feel proud of any of them. fucking cars over neck, chain stuck in his chest hair, like I used to be. A book's gonna Fuck over the mountains. You ever fucked in a Bungee cord wrapped around your neck? But say, someone away can comments. If I'm showing myself. That's where they tell your therapist. anyways, now I just I don't know. I remember they fucking Kong and then I just I feel really bad. So I fucked some shit. Calm. We in her fucked and then I want to go see the movie again with somebody else, because I mean this chick. Never we stopp talking like after that, like I was like this isn't gonna work out. No, I know, I can't remember it, Karen, why we stopped talking. But then like a week later I want think, I see a movie somebody else, my coddle, and I was like that's still boring. Yeah, and I just like, I just like the idea that you're like it worked the first time. I was trying to you know, like I wasn't trying to do that's the second time, although that would have been hysterical. Yeah, or look, you went old of the first time. Like man, that movie was really good. See if I can last as long and maybe my perception was altered. Let me go see it again. It turns out like not, Bim Shit. No, that's good. That's not as good a when I'm not getting a blowjob while watching it. Fuck, turns out blow jobs make a lot of movies better. They do. It's true. God, I have the fucking thought process of an eighteen year old. Yeah, for sure. Oh, I'm thirty. I'm thirty two going on seventeen. Most days I'll be. I'll be thirty two in what's say eight days? I'm the oldest one here. Thirty two and eight days. Holy Shit, are you get the oldest one here? Thirty five? Fuck, to be fair, you look younger than at certainly me. You Look Young. You look like you're the youngest one here. Yeah, you look at it the young that's because it's because, like marriage hasn't totally stuck the soul. I've no idea, I just think. I well, you're not a big drinker. I've I'm not a big drinker. Yeah, and I have a bourbon, but yeah, I know this to say, you don't really drink that much. I've aged like gas station free. You can like there a bourbon in the fridge, just my age, like Michael Jackson was. So fuck me. Yeah, that's what I'm saying out that, Michael, like I just shave my face, got little baby face. Yeah, shave my nuts, because clearly I can't be in pure but if you shaved your face right now, you would look like you are. I know it's I've always I have a good story about this. Oh Shit, true story. It's not. It's not. It's not like a bad it's not a disgusting Shit. It's funny, though. I was in the when I was in the army, our major who's in charge of her office, she was super, Super Nice to me and we couldn't like. No one ever knew why. And she was really attractive and they were just like like they were literal questions of like are you fucking? Like we don't get it, like she's so nice to do so many everybody else. So fast forward to its my birthday, and I think I was turning twenty two. I'm pretty sure I was starting twenty two, and somebody said, like what are you gonna do for your twenty second birthday, because it's like because I turned twenty one in basic training riding, it still bember twenty one birthdays. Like all you gonna like celebrate twenty secondly, the twenty one, and she's like you're not twenty two. I was like yeah, she was. Show me your ID. So sure, my ID and she's like Huh, how long you were forty? From that...

...moment on she was so fucking mean to me. Really, no, she thought that I was just this like older guy join the army like late in life, trying to make a better life for like myself and my family. was I been and as soon as you realize, I was just sub twenty two year old punk kids had all of a sudden she was super fucking mean to me. So I was like a shit, but Yah, I've always looked super old. I was the guy that had sixteen would get people beer like that was always me. I had a chicken a bar straight up stop talking to me when she found out it wasn't as old as she thought I was, as when I was like twenty three, I could she and she didn't want us. She didn't want to be a panther. She was only like like two, three years older than older than me, and she and I was. I just mentioned that I was only twenty three. She's like no, you're not. I showed her my ID. She was like excuse me for a second and she got up from the table and I never saw her again the rest of the fucking that's weird, almost like watch you drinks, bitch. I have a conversation with me. At least. It's a real Weird Huh. Obviously old enough to be here, like I'm like, I'm to to ten year olds in a fucking trench coat. Hi every mother. My account number seven that I can stick. We talked Aboush. I was talking about starry little Rascis here. We're talking a little rascals here. Real quick. Want to mention because we're at almost to the end of the month of April here, so our sponsor, pod decks, is doing a their monthly giveaway, which is a pair of sure SR age forty four hundred and forty professional headphones with retail a hundred and twenty bucks. They're amazing set of headphones. So head on over to a pod dexcom. You guys can use the coach tbl ten to get ten percent off your check out, or you join the pod decks APP for and enter in there. And I wanted to brink because we've been talking about some fucked up it here. I wanted to change the topic just a little bit to from there. How dare you deck? If you could choose a way to die, what would it be? Sniper around from fifty fivezero yards away, just the most epic fucking death. Now I don't I could use a way to die. I mean, I don't know about the way of dying, but like I'd like to just die in my sleep. Choose a way of dying. Grand that's auto style. Do you want to go on a Blaine, a blaze of B Fuck, yeah, I don't. I just want to just fucking keyl over, like hard heart attack. They be like how like cocaine did Mike to Holy Shit, and just go so much cocaine that it dwarfs just the fact that you were doing cocaine, because it's such an impressive amount of causing. I want I'm gonna be like that guy. I want to be like the end, scarface. That's how I want to go out. Yeah, you want to be like it's fuck fucking Ron Burgerndy. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. Yeah, that's how I want to die. This big and a scarface Nass and talk about another really overrated movie. scarface. Yeah, carface. It's not great. It does. I don't think it holds up, but it says it's. My saw the S I was like, okay, just fuck co but I was also, you know, eight years old. So yeah, it's one of those like adults should not be as jacked about that movie as they write. But it's it's it doesn't hold up. I don't think. I mean like Alpaccino's great in it, the movie itself me. Yeah, but it's also a remake of a move from the s. So is it now? It's a remake of an old like Italian gangster film from twenties. Calls good a face. We're talking about do one another remake of it with guy from rogue one, Diego Luna. M me about the Bo the Mexican cartel, like I'd watch that. All right, I'll watch good cartel movie. What's that one called? Michael a cartel, Mexican, Mexican scarface, hotel scarves. Still Italian? Yeah, I mean a Salian Spanish are pretty similar languages. See, see who is your celebrity crush growing up, kyle, my celebrity crush growing first one, like the one that helped you experience your first direction boy, probably the I think the first movie away. That's really weird. The first movie that I like paused and jacked off to was Kate Hudson in Titan that was the first movie that I paused and was like it was like a VHS tape. It was Thatson. Was I wait a minute, not Kate Hudson. are talking about. What's her name? Kay? WAS IT Kate Wins? lets say Kate Hudson. Kate wins, Kate Hudson's hot. But that was the first one and I remember it was a it was a VHS because it was the double vh. Remember. That is the DOT VHS tape and I'm remember when you would pause in a vhs till you get the lines of the status. So I have to pause it just right to where the lines were coner titties. There was a there was a trick to that if you just held the pause button the lines of yeah, because I could not jerk off to a lot of me because...

...my mine the Internet until the like early two thousand and it's exactly true. What even when we did, it was like yeah, that sounds like when a robot comes, and mine was the I can't her name, but the scene in under siege, the stalone's funny when the chick pops out of the cake, because those the first hit I've ever seen. My Love, the first movie you jacked off to. Have you jacked off to a movie? How Really Jack off the movie, like I said, but it doesn't even like watch porn to we're talking about as now. I haven't twelve year old your whatever, was never jacked off to. I mean the first time I checked off because he fucking his babysitter. You know now I need to have a bait. My parents were good parents that left us alone. Dog was the babysitter. We fuck. The know. I never I don't know, man, I never watched really like movies. I was like, Oh, there's a tit, but I wasn't like a girl. Paul leave, my direction is aroused. I got a pleasure myself. When I come all over this place. I want a fucking comblem. It's just like Kate Hudson winslet Hudson wins the city. I'm gonna come, I'm just gonna come on the fucking screen. Oh, guys, you know facial now you're about to those. Those were the days of just I just just belly come and you just give belly comes, put the shirt right over it and just move all over man. Just move on with your day. When you're like jerking off and you're like fuck, you get it on your shirt, like I gotta Change My shoe. Yeah, yeah, way, I'm going to Walmart. I don't have yeah, I never I don't know. I never really watched point when I was a kid. Never watched I never watched any of those type of I don't know. Side decide which store I'm going to based on the amount of come on my shirt. So I looked him like no, come, I'm going to target. No, counting targets is strictly no. Come scoring. Yeah, but if I got a dollar general, come on the face, I'm going there. Blue cocky. Do you guys got any of that her peace man, you got any paper towels? And there are these, all the paper towels you have times when I feel like a whore, take away warm ham soap and throw it on my face. What's the see the hot top time machine? Oh God, I've never seen that movie or HOTSPI. It's okay. It's objectively a bad movie. It's no scarface, but it's fucking pretty. It's fucking hilarious. But like Rob Cordrey and and Craig Robinson, like they lost this huge fucking bet and so they tells him that he has that rock words. You have to blow Craig Robinson in the Bar, but then they pass out. MM. So they don't remember things. So when they wake up to fuck with him, rock court takes a bunch of soap. What's on his face? It's Craig Robinson. He's like, well, I got she did. Oh, Holy Shit, Shit, what the let's get one more. It's got one more questionable more of these, Kyle. What's an unpopular opinion you have? Oh boy, what's an unpopular opinion I have other than that, other than you don't like scarf that I'm willing to share him publication. That's that's the real question. Is Not Popular Pinning Num billing to share in public? I'm popular. I mean I absolutely detest Star Wars. So that's that's I think. Well, sort of. Most Star Wars. I think pretty much every movie was bad. My favorite ones for seven and eight. Wells is, I thought I'm doing that, Stewie. Nine, I like enjoyed the ninth movie, but it also it's just a riddle of plot holes and just like they're introducing new shit to the universe. Was Really Bizarre. The worst star wars movie, and it's not even close, was the first one, like the literal first. Oh the yeah, you hope and a menace. No, no, you know, I can do hope. That was the worst one and was even close. That movie is God awful. It's not. Here's the thing. It's not just bad for Star Wars. It is a categorically terrible movie. So if you want my unpopular opinion, it's star wars is fucking terrible. The only reason why anybody still watches it is because of nostalgia. And if, just if the movies were made right now, even with the same goddamn plot lines, they would be just a shitty and nobody would like them. My favorite, my I hate the name Kyle, I hate the last name steal. I Hate Remington, Kyle, Steve, God damn. I mean the fuck you, fair side. People don't like Star Wars, it's then. It is what it is. But some, some people in Innis is more a worse than new hope. But I still a minis is way more enjoyable. I mean that's that's the second worst. But no one was. I...

...might more enjoy I. Well, you're a star wars fan. No, I still think the World War. I'm not. What. Yeah, like, so, like. I guess my thing is like, like, you're not a figure. Mean, just like you're not a fan of eating shit. Yeah, yeah, I mean you don't eat ass. Clear. The worst one to me is attack of the crowns. I think that is barn. I thought that was actually a pretty good one as far as that's the second one, right, hyeah. The second one like in another firnum birds. That's episode two. I was pretty good. And the third one was really a fan of mine. I hate the fan of menace. Here most people say that they think fan of mens is the word. The only his saving grace, fan of menace is the is lightsaber fight. Oh Yeah, well, yet Liam Neeson a is a Jedi that in and of itself like elevates the DOE. And Yeah, that that that last fight, that that whole sequence with. Yeah, them take on Darth. Really fucked up thing about that is you could actually get a spoiler on. So the when Phantom menace came out, they release, obviously, the soundtrack for the Phan of menace. Yeah, and on. There was Quigon's funeral music, and you're like, oh, even for the movie came out. You know, quigon dies, yea, anyways, sorry, that's so you're they do that shit all the time, I mean. But also, that movie had a bomb fucking soundtrack. I mean that that music that plays the duel, the fate steam that plays when they're fighting. That's a that that DOT fucking fucking crack. Well, your did that come out? Ninety nine? When it was? When was evanescence popular? After that? After that? Okay, don't fuck yourself. Okay, he saw I was going with that, so fuck you. I'd like evanescence. I used to look over that's of course everybody did. Yeah, it was also band that that was called twelve stones. I like twelve stones. They had this day. They had a song and I come trying to remember what it what the song was king broken. That was a really good okay, yeah, but because because these have there's lyrics on my locker, I did to the twelve stones put a new EP at last last year and it was fucking amazing. Still good, still good, God, they really good voice. Yeah, evanes sence is taken a but he's the he's the male voice and wake me up song. So that for first was wondering why bringing they were this like established like they look. They were Chris, they were a Christian rock band, and Amulye, the I'm was still riding that horse because she was like determined to make evidences. A Christian band, you never fly leaf. Oh Yeah, fire. Yeah, talk about a fucking Christian band who like would go to big metal festivals and then stopped their concert dead to preach the Bible. Pretend. Yeah, it's really she was really hot, though. Yeah, she was. She just did a song with breaking Benjamin two years ago. Pretty Benjamin. It's really underrated. I don't like all rock, but I think they are under they are my favorite. What's that song? It's so cold is so good. A song and Miss Singer. There's one. There's an I think the song is called like skin and it's on an earlier album. It's so good. It's like it's kind of pop punky a little bit. They really good. They were on a hiatus for a bit and because the singer been he like he was a hardcore alcoholic and then it developing what's called wet brain. You got wet brain is basically a condition where you've done permanent damage to the parts of your brain that are affected by alcohol. So he kind of always seems like he's got slightly slurred speeches, have the best coordination, so it's like he's so it seems like he's drunk, but he's actually not. That's why the cover for their one album, dear agony, is a brain scan. That's his brain scan. HMM. But they went on hiatus after that and he came back with a new band and twenty fifteen and they it's almost like grown up breaking Benjamin now, like I saw them live. There's so fucking I've seen them like four times since I camera has a voice sat something. I can't remember that band. I know what you're talking about, because that's that is the the well they because some of these, some of the guys who were in the band, used to play for athlete's way. Yeah, play for I think stained a couple of was obsessed with staying growing up. Yeah, me too. No fucking get me shit about star. Means fucking Star Wars again when he that's mistake. When just I do like grew up with it. So I was like when I was really young was when dysfunction was popular. Much trouble, great fucking and then break the cycle comes out after and it's like it's a little less heavy but still has that angst, but also che shades a great comes out lot less anks, not happier, and like I'm like growing up with the music. Only that, but like Aaron's voice was one of those first times I remember like really because at that time I was like well, if it's fucking heavy and screaming and Growley, I like it. That was one of those first times where I really got to enjoy the heavy with me. That guys an am amazing he really does, and he still does, even though he's a fucking country singer there. Yeah, weird as Shit, ever, but there is. Rucker made it work, though. I like, I like his country shit. Yeah, but I was. I was also a huge Hohotie Fan. So yeah, actually, I when I was living down south, a front of mine graduated from because I'm from Columbia, which is where you the real USC is Fight...

Carolina. Yeah, likes, we're like, we're for Jackson is. Yeah, that's right, went the high school that was taking with Jackson. Juny the blow whish was formed at University of South Carolina, and so well, friend of mine, she gradually way to college. Derris trucker was her commencement speaker, which was really fucking cool. There's actually a street in downtown Columbia called who the blowfish boulevard. Yeah, my commensal speech Sho it was no and never won valid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah's mine was some I don't know how the where the fuck they found this guy. He was this like sixty year old dude who never went to college. So Great Guy to get for college. COMMENCER's right. Who would like owned a series of businesses throughout his life, all of which had like gone under belly, but he kept starting new ones. So his whole speech was about how like but I never gave up. So they gave him his honorary bachelor's and I was like, it was cool that you had donald trump to your damn, but that mean he's dead on. But remember leaving like yeah, not a great pick for a commission bigger. So why would you fucking choose that? I went to college in a little tiny, fucking middle of Nowhere Mormon town in the backwoods of South Carolina and want to college trok semester quarter at Sinclair's, like no, not for me, not. I like good grades in high school too. So I was like my parents like you fucking stupid or something. I'm like, Dude, college is not for everybody. No, fuck no, it's not. But my little brother is a fucking genius, like will go far in the sciences and he is hating college right now. He's trunk got a full he's got a free full ride to Kent State and is doing really well. He hates it. He hates the structure of it. It's just not it doesn't it doesn't work for every every brain type. That's a word. For sure, every brain type I'm not going to college for. It was like writing, English or whatever, just English major or something like that, and like yeah, I wanted to get a BFA and like that is that's for a fine like like a writing me. I say, that's fine, never llg. I want to do a creative writing degree. That's what I want to go to. But I was like cause, like I had a long period of time. I was like, yeah, I really want to do comedy. And then this is before I got in the comedy. So my head I was thinking, like, you don't go to college the right jokes. Sure, that was that was my thought process for is. That's what might when I took time off school. That was my thing too. was like, I'm gonna do the comedy thing and then I'll go go, well, then I want to go back to school. That obviously didn't work out that way. But but I will say, like a lot of experiences I had, I'm glad I had them because now they help feed in the end of my comedy. Yep, I say in my comedy have done on stage in a year and a half I haven't told a joke and years. It's just it's weird times. Brown. That is well, I work scheduled. Sucks, but yeah, I mean I mean in all honestly, like even before I went to college I was thinking because when we had career day, like my presentation was I wanted to be a comedian, like that was that was my which everybody was kind of like how you do a presentation on that? I said, I will find a fucking way, even if I had to stand up there and do five minutes for the class way I created at my school. I was just like, I know, I know, idea. What the fuck I wanted to be. I was like alive, like seriously, like I mean like you totally get like no, you want to be by fucking eighteen. The weirdest one we had was this random quiet kid in the back of the class who never fucking talk when you go to do his proboy age, and he said he wanted to be con started with this is going, Oh, you should be, because he said he wanted to be an FBI or swat sniper and like had like brought up like his his sheets from the range where he just had like perfect grouping on the chest, and I was just kind of like so the kid that never talks. Yeah, wants to be nobody else can start, just me. Okay, all right, this is concerning. He really like Columbine? Yeah, they did. He complain that no girls wanted to fuck him. Was that actually yeah, Oh God, I've been waiting to see this kid's name pop up on the news for fucking fifteen years. Jesus fuck. Yeah, as I never now career, I was definitely something that I was just like, I don't know, I I still don't really. I mean comedy, but like right, is that a career? I mean can be, but like not right now. I mean, I got in a real estate three years ago. Oh, I had no idea, like what I was really want. I mean I was a paralegal before that, but I hated it pretty really know that. Yeah, I was paraly before that. I knew I didn't want to do it. That's pretty much all I knew. This was sling dope. Dude. That's to make your money. It's fuck bitches. My Wife Tell Dick Joes. Yeah, I go for the guy. Jesus, you go for the guy. I'm just a failure, but like the maze, I'm married. Did I have that? It's it that doesn't go away. I've been with my wife now for over ten years. That that feeling of like how like, as the single guy in the room, I look at the two of you and I'm kind of like, well, there's hope for me? Yeah, I don't know there's yet. That's how you...

...should that's how you should take it. Yeah, it's wild. I will just do the dumbest things and be like I have three children and a wife. Like then she's like, I don't know. Yeah, she has no fucking idea either. She'll look at me and be like why are you married to me? She's like, I bring question. Yeah, so wonderful question. You probably shouldn't ask it, because I've been questioning at myself. It is fucking ried. I never thought I'd get married again. Say IT I did. Are you married? Nah, I'm married. Huh, I'm murried. No, I know you're married. I didn't know you were divorced. I'm not. Oh, obviously I was thinking. I didn't think that you'd be able to get married as a fuck. That one went over my fucking don't you though? What is we gotta plug, we got we gotta drop there this. That's what happens when I hang myself. Now that's gonna be. That's gonna be so great on myself. Let's somebody open the door, and that's what I did, and Confetti's fake. That be. It was Daniel Tosh that talked about like when he dies, he's wants them to attach his body to that thing. It wasn't Tasha, wasn't Nick Swarnson, it was tash. It was a tash. Yeah, we're just like, yeah, it's he just wants his body just be like on the yeah, Oh, yeah, that was. And then they have to do the volleyball with his head. Yes, let's touch. Fuck you watch way too much count. I do a little comedy then, the kind I would never do. I will never do. Okay, I won't say never. I've said I will never do stand up a lot. I have a recorded. I've said a lot hard pass of the words you use. I did. I have been persuaded to enter into this year's all you doing fur work, Dayton, Dan reeled or oh that thing. Yes, that's a view at while he's every year. That didn't do it last year. I guess they're doing it this year. I think I might do it, so I guess they'll link me up with a comic who can help me write. And all right, well, here's you'll see. I'll tell you jokes I wrote today. This are a couple past few days. Have I had a Bene watch my life, I'd kill myself so I get done faster. That's a really this is really good. That's good. I saw you the full season out of this one. That's good. That's what I stoked the wrong way last night. I woke up with the store back and thirty five, negative thirty five in my bank account. It's considered penis reduction. Shows you you want to change your name from Richard to Dick. Think about that. He's gonna get him out your head. Real sharge. Okay, day, yeah, all my bills are set up on auto. Decline to pay your water bill. Fuck No, I really like Bourbon chicken without the chicken and a banana, without being reminded on my top. I did so many to around those. One of them rich woman waters breaks, it's called a Figi. Fiji water it's called Figi. I don't know when. Let's see, when a rich woman's water breaks, it's called Fiji water. Problem is you started with a really with a banger. I know, so now I'm just gonna hurrying everyone. I like to considered penis reduction one and the auto decline doesn't. My hair is like a doctor's. It's really bad, and so it makes sense why no one can read my ransom notes. That's good. I text my ransom notes by hate texting my dad. That's good. I don't even know. I want to thank my parents. Are Wasn't for them. I didn't even finish that when I told me to record pussy and I was appalled. I'm against Animal Beaus, for sure. That's been done before. This is the I'm going to change my name the church Amazon so I don't have to pay taxes. It's good, it's good. Let's see, I like the I text. I'd text my ransom notes, but I hate texting my bed ill. That's a good one. Should I do the whole thing, though? Should I be like? My handwriting is like a doctor's. It's like a doctor's really bad. So it makes sense why no one can rememb ransom notes like I text my ransom notes by hate texting my dad. Now I think just the second part. I think I think just the because it's a really especially if it's jammed in somewhere where just makes no sense, because that's kind of your style anyway. Where it's like you'll there be like a pause and then you just fit liner in there to the listen to the I'll never be a comic giving joke writing advice. He asked I would never give something. Well, I'm going to keep the if I'd had to binge, watch my life, I kill myself. So I get sad. Is fucking fantastic. Did Not get a full season? Yeah, at all. My build us up on auto decline. I think that's hysterical. I like the Richard Dick Joke. I don't give a shit. He's I keep it, keep it.

Ever, every comic has that one joke that we love that nobody else is quite on board with, but we tell it every fucking show anyway. People are really worried that we're about to replace their jobs. I really hope it ro about replace his mine. I'm tired of giving out happy and it's a hey crime. When he hit a Pinatto with a baseball bat. No, it doesn't make any sense. Doesn't make any sense. I love this. My Buddies Act does this, but he right. He just writes down like these kind of things where he has these like kind of one letter stuff. Yeah, and he'll just go through him and he'll like he'll do this same thing. You Go, he'll reading a go at. Doesn't make yourself I love that. Got The next one and that was like we do this on the show because I get to watch Mike's Twitter feed the next few day. Yeah, how many of these make it to twitter? My wife and I are nothing like. She's a Vegan. I want a divorce. Good. Don't give me the ultra sound machine, give me the good sound machine. It sounds just as good, and that is expensive. I smoke a pack of candy cigarettes a day. That's why I'm a date to the math. That doesn't mean my grand first soap. Some my grandparents are so supportive they subscribed to my only fans there itis fucking yeah, I got my hair cut. My mom didn't recognize me because she gave me up for adoption thirty five years that's good. There it is. That's the one. That's good shit. Yeah, that's the one I was when. I was never going to tell on stage either, but I might. I like, Nah, you gotta bring that one on you guys are also really like dark hummer, and I got to figure out that's true. Well, I don't think other people are. You actually for ruletopping mean tactics like my dad did? Oh my God. Yeah, second marriage, took his last name kind of thing. More like just got legal, just got legal. Okay, yeah, I wish I was adopted, so I was sorry that not to be the same thing. When my mom got married, my dad legally adopted me. I remember my mom told me my dad wasn't my dad. Like I was like, okay, a, yeah, I'd like. It's like took me to McDonald's and I'm like this happening me and she's like, by the way, Your Dad's not really your dad, and I was like that's cool. Chicken Nugget, my mouth like to stick like the kind of on the ballpit. Okay, yeah, like, yeah, he can't walk, he's in a wheelchair. I get it. I think all that's how that works. Yeah, obviously his jeans did not go down. To me, I was like the weird that was so weird, like who the fuck does that? Over Chicken Nuggets? Like talk about taking like the best place as a kid and being like it's going to McDonald's, I could ruin your life. Well, that's like the the I don't know if you watch. Did you watch the Paton Oswald special when alienate after his wife died, and he has it's really, really, really come out, like where he talks like the worst day. That's worse. Yeah, and he had the advice in there that I like love. Where the the principle, because he was like how do I tell my daughter? And the principle goes, tell her in the sunlight. Just tell her in the sunlight. So you like went out to a park and a park bench there was like son and Brighton warm and that's where he told her. It's like that's what more appropriate setting here, no one's around you. So that way, if you have a rough reaction to it, and it's also just day, like you're not confined in the space, you know what I mean, when you're getting really shitty information. That was a really good special. It's been it wasn't watch really good. I kind of don't watch comedy specials on principle, just because I have found in my experience they really fuck up my writing process. See you in a yeah, and I would. That would suck because I love a lot of well, you know, I don't watch a lot of them. Yeah, like Nay. I like people love nayparks. I Love Them. He's funny. Don't get me wrong, he's funny. It's just a hole. It's thought he's pullar opposite of you, like no, no, no, like, he doesn't. Made me go ha ha ha ha ha ha huh I. I feel. Yeah, I mean like I and I think he's funny to like. I don't ever laugh at John Mulaney. Not once. If I'd left at John Mulaney, he has a joke where he's talking about the pussycatch joke. No, helpe. Yes, that doesn't do for either. I might as a joke. I think it was on his first album and he says he talks about he's talk about crime news and he talks about how the newspaper it always say something like you know, beauty slain and then you see the picture and you're like yeah, how about just body fount? That's like I love that joke. I think it's so perfect. Asn't I don't. That isn't do it for you. And the writings fantastics. Such a good joke. I gets the writings like fantastic right. It's just the delivery method just is like. Also, I think that with comedy it's like, like there are movies I will watch that I think are fucking hilarious or comedy specials lot that I've watched. They're really funny. But there's something about comedy that, because it's such an infectious thing, you're never going to have the same reaction watching it by yourself that you would if you're watching with other people. Like...

...horrible bosses is a movie that is one of my favorite comedies of all time, Kevin Spacey notwithstanding. Yeah, my favorite scenes with Kevin Spacey I've got. I find that, like, as much as I know that movie is Hilarious, and part of this also goes with just from being a comic. So I look at comedy in terms of how it's written and yeah, it was clever, but if I watch that movie with other people, I find myself laughing a lot harder, because laughter and humor in general is an infectious emotion. Yeah, it does so with with comedy specials. I if I do watch him, I can't watch them alone. Yeah, I got to have some or like, like I used to listen to comedy albums in high school. Like I'M A it's definitely way better. I mean I always listened to not always, but I quite often listen to comedy on when I'm in the car. But if I'm watching a special, then yeah, I was. I don't think I've ever watched special on my own. That just feels weird when it's also it's weird like like I think nighbor got sie, I mean he might be my favorite comedian right now, like I'm just I think every single thing I've ever heard him says funny. Like I haven't had like a dud joke that I can think of. We're like John Moliney. I can think of dudde jokes in my head that I'm like add this one about never do it for honestly, were God. See, like he makes me laugh, like I don't go that, Ha, yeah, sure, and I and it's doing at what I'm saying. When it's like star wars right, like there are people who are their entire lives are craft run, and I'm not talking shit, their whole lives are crafted around it. They are obsessed and I'm watching it and just going like why do people genuinely going like I don't get it. I don't get it. And like I showed my friend Dale and Tucker verse, which we're talking about beforehand. Yeah, that movie is flawless. That one makes me laugh at one of the most perfect movies ever written. It's it's written phenomenally, it's acted incredibly, it's hilarious. It still has like a weird, crappy element to a concept is just so. When I showed one of my best friends and and she was like, I mean it was pretty good, and you're just like how do you not feel what I feel? Like I don't get it. I get there with a lot of music, like I know, I know people from my generation fucking suck the Nirvana Dick so big. I've never been a nirvana fan. Yeah, same, and it's not one of those things like like I'm not a Beatles Fan, but I get why people like the Beatles. Shure. I'm not a Nirvana Fan and I don't get white people. Yeah, I don't get the same with tool. I don't get the appeal of tools. Say, I get the appeal of tool. I don't like tool, but I get the almost obsessed with Danny carry. It's just one of the best drivers I was. He told live. I saw what's what their fit the other band, well, the not Pussifer, but the other one. Perfect Circle, perfect circle. That's the things it was. I also just kind of Hate Manor James Keen and on general. Yeah, sure, but I sels because I like I've worked in the music industry for a number of years, so I want Marilyn Manson. I just yeah, well, I've met Mayor James Keen and I kind of just wanted to kick him in the Dick through an entire conversation. Really just such a self congratulatory like thought he was the greatest thing since fucking betty white. And I had a buddy that ran sound in Nashville and he had met Kanzig and he was just like he is everything you think he is. Really he's just just the worst. He's just like he's just a entitled Napoleon. Just awful dude. I can say I think the coolest people I ever met in the music industry were the guys and girl and hailstorm nice at fucking people. Ever, Wi she's also fine. She as she frenched me. Okay, so this is before they were huge. Okay, I love telling the story because I come out as a champion. Um, it was when they were first getting Bailey. Their first album hadn't even come out yet, but they had played a whole bunch of shows around Columbia, South Carolina which kept coming because they were getting booked on everyone's tours. The opener on point. There was a tour was a CO headline tour of shine down a paper Roach and they had come through and then they actually came to the radio station and like didn't acoustic set there, hung out with this so I got to meet them there. Really Cool. So then they were the opening act on the main stage for this big festival that summer and me and my friends were there. We went to their booth to say hi. I didn't expect them to fucking know who remember me or know who the hell I was at all and got in line the drummer. The drummer sees me and he's like, Oh shit, Mike from fucking I was like yeah, yeah, because Lizzie, Lizzie, it's my she goes high, sweetie, grabs my face and just fucking and I was I pull away and I was like we can go home now. I'm good, I'm which is I it's also so crazy because that's sexual assault, which is really star heard at heart percent. But it works out and work in this instance. But like it's funny, like that's it was. It was, but it's also kind of retroactive, kind of like well, she'd asked, I would have said, yeah, exactly right, it so, he's kind of works itself out. So, but but they were also just I saw them like so many times over the years. They're great. Corey, Tailor for Slip Knot, is as fucking Nice a guys most people would probably about. It says that about him. He's so fucking friendly. He's also short. It's...

...like fire. His neck is like mass he's like he's eighteen inch neck. Jesus good see he is the nicest father. When I met him he was behind the table wearing board shorts, flip flops and a fucking fedora and no shirt. I was just like yeah, that's cool. He was the nicest fucking guy. Same with the guys and disturbed David Dreamin especially was really cool. I've met a lot of fucking musicians. I met a Persian played a recorder one time. I played drums for twenty years, so they can have that. He was never knew you play. We posted that the other day. I never knew you played drums. That is impressed. Have you seen the videos? Now? There's a couple videos on things, but in plays I'm always impressed. We we can play to us. That's I remember. I was watching a porn with you playing drums, the corn hub intro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody knows that. fucking yeah, except Mike, Because Mike doesn't watch. For No, I know that point. Okay, yeah, I just don't really mean now I watch porn but not really watch it. I don't know. I can't tell you. Last time I watch porn was you're married, doesn't matter as don't Ye. It's fucking weird. By watch player, just select that. This is like so spy, like such a slap. I have such a select fetish. That's like one video with like three views. Who like watching women sit on a balloons and pop them? Now by US seven views. So I don't know, Pornhub is getting a little too step brother e lately, not step burns. Stay off of motherless, because sure that's pretty much all that it is. That's a fuck. I don't really it's a really annoying they just take every video and just title it step brother Mom and yeah, it's every videos titled that and it's like everything. It will not only is a video of somebody ordering Wendy at all, but all of them areasons. That's the thing. Has Three fuse, even the ones that have production value, like that's the plot is like, dude, fuck's his step sister do fight? And I'm just kind of like, when did this become like divorce rates, divorce rates and families getting back together? But as somebody who is a step brother, I can't watch that Shit. Yeah, that really makes me. It makes me go, I mean, is that ancestor anything for Fuck here? I get that, but it's still weird. For me, it's weird. It's very weird. Now, I mean, I totally agree it is. It's weird, but it's like like well, I mean I feel like he's doing like I said, that he's laying a case right now. He's a backpeddal's way out of gone full fucking circles. This is his I thought it was a Taser and I just really like, I thought your pussy was a taser. Step Sepsis, steps stepsis, don't shoot me, step brother, you're just water. She Super Soaker if I ever saw one. It's just I mean, technically it's not incest, it's a fucking weird absolutely, but somewhere has like I knew. Okay, the reason why I knows. I knew somebody. I was like, yeah, I really want to fuck my step brother, and I was like that and I was in high schools like that is weird, that's it's boers. Yeah, weird, but I mean I I can see found her stepbrother attractive and I was just like because they they literally their families like got together during the summer and I was like Oh, like blah, blah, blah, like that's going on, like mom married, Blah Blah, and I knew the step brother too, and I couldn't say, like I'm not gonna say anything. Yeah, but it's just like what the fuck is this shit? And that's the thing, and that's a dynamic that you have to consider, like if you're getting remarried, and especially depending on how old the kids are, it's like you really have to consider that dynamic that you are party kids gonna Fuck. Yeah, seriously, you have consider that dynamic. Like what's fucked up is I remember there was a whole episode of that seventy show where Eric's had this cousin come to visit and she was fucking smoking hot and the whole time he just kind of kept awkwardly like hitting on her. But the whole time red kept saying like I'm not having any any eleven toad grant yea knock at the fuck off right. It's just like wow, this here in the S of we times have a changed. I just wanted to I don't know, like I wonder how may fucking step Bros and stepsis fuck. It's probably a lot more common than you think, I guess. Put out a survey on survey monkey and see what there was. Alt Se some people. Thank you answer. Honestly, she's that scientology. So and we were just connecting all these they'll put will put it up, we'll put it out the next Gallop Bowl and that. Who are you voting for in two thousand and twenty four? And do you fuck your step sibling? One? You can figure out what the voting form by just ninety fo. I'm pretty liberal, but ninety five. Turns out ninety five percent of people that said they wanted to fuck their own daughters also voted for Donald Trump. It's straight ahead has a good who the funk it? Because when...

...he said that they were like not that weird to me. I mean not play it on Dilly Willie. Oh Geez, I'm I'M gonna go there, not when I might know. That's why I know it's bad. Yeah, Jesus Christ, I'm looking to thing called the child. Like talk, don't you fuck my baby Yoda. He's fifty something. Just say it. Okay, I'm just fucking saying. I'll see about that. The other day, I don't know why, I was like, so if you fuck baby Yoda, technically by it's not bait. Mean it's baby in their terms. Yeah, but in real life it's just a s fifty three yearls he's in real life he's going through his mit life crisis. Yeah, I remember there's an episode of Svu I watch or this this girl had this disorder. We're like she just basically just didn't go through puberty. So she was she was nineteen years old, but she looked like she was like twelve, and she has his boyfriend who's like twenty four years old man, and everyone's like, he's like it's just she looks like that, but it does make me a pedophile. It's like, no, you're sexually attracted to someone who looks twelve. Yeah, no, you're fucking disgusting. So that's a that's a weird one, because it's like they're what is it illegal? Just look really young, like any melanochus? Like is his wife like a pedophile? Like if he shaves that beer, dude is not just not look eighteen. There's no head. It's not a bear. This is called fucking a grasp beer. I grow this specifically because I don't feel like shaving. It's you don't have that's because you don't have the connectors. Probably. Yeah, I gotta get him connected. If, if it's the lot, people will grows out on this. But you know, he got rid of everything but the stash. Then he just looks from a s porner. Yeah, and when I'm all about that, he's really into s points. Is the real into him? Yeah, I just don't know. He makes his wife wear one in dad like I wear like, no, no joke, serious, know it. Yeah, so, like, okay, we're so protective about covid like I wear masks during sex. It's a christens worth Max. See where I make her where Robert Downey Junior, but I come so yeah, and let's say it's either way. Yeah, and that's the end game. Call Me Christopher. All Right, folks, that'll do it for this week's episode of the Basement Lounge. If you want to follow US Online, you can follow Mike Wells on twitter and instagram at Mike WTF Wells, and you can follow me, Mike Shay, at Mr Mike Shay, on twitter and Instagram as well. You also follow this show on twitter instagram at tbl underscore pod, and we got a brand new website under construction for you guys, with some cool new stuff coming down the line as well, so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, we'll cut you guys again next week with another episode and until then, as always, live well, rock on, take care and Bub bye.

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