The Basement Lounge
The Basement Lounge

Season 2, Episode 80 · 2 months ago

Three Mikes

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On this week's show, Mike & Mike welcome special guest Mike "Vander" Vanderveen to the studio to talk about:

  • Vander's time in prison
  • His early days of doing comedy
  • Having birthdays on holidays 

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Follow Mike & Mike on Twitter:

Mike Shea - @mrmikeshea

Mike Wells - @mikewtfwells

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Of all the holidays to be born born on, I think. I think Halloween is probably the coolest. I think so because because you can excuse to have a party anyway. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, my brother's birthdays on Valentine's Day, which is just kind of dumb. Yeah, I love you, Jonathan. I know you listen, you listen to this show, but it's just kind of a weird, dumb holiday to have your birthday on his birthday, because you could have hall you could have Valentine's Day sex. Sure, that's where we conceived our child. Even though I was like why, I turned the UN list. I was like, we shouldn't have sex tonight. Well, we did have sex on what fuck? She's like, because you're trying for a kid. Yeah, she's like. What? I was like, we had sex tonight and I came in your pussy. She's like, what do you mean? I was like, if we get pregnant right now, it's because we got pregnant and Valentine's again. It'St so shitty to she was like, she doesn't cur. She was like fuck. Yeah, I guess that's the one of you. If your birthday is on Valentine's Day, it's like you have no excuse not to have sex with me. Hint you. She'll be like, watch me, I'M gonna go to the bar. Welcome to the Basement Lounge. Grab a chair, grab a drink and settle in. Let's have some fun. And we got a special guest. Yeah, Vanderd I'm waving. Yes, he is. Yeah, you had to. You had a get a really good set on Sunday and I'm really mad that I had such a shitty day and forgot to bring my camera. It's okay, my wife actually got pretty good footage of it. I was to clip something out and it was. It worked out. I was also wasn't expecting even up until I went up on the stage, I was not expecting to get that kind of response, just because the crowd seemed pretty black luster of energy. Now you actually got the energy go. I was just good. I was like, Oh, these people actually I think he probably you had one of the best, do you think? Yeah, honestly, I think you had the best overall set of the night. Yeah, a few of those new guys were like they were doing really well. I thought they were funny as fuck. Yeah, but you could also like feel their nervousness. Oh Yeah, you red Beird Guy, the BEIRD guy.

Definitely. He had the hardest night, I think, out of anybody there. Open up domestic violence. Yeah, and and and rolled with it. Um. It was giving me flash it's given me such flashbacks too, and I've talked about this before with you, I know the first time I hosted it. While he's the abortion guy. I don't know if you were there that night. This guy went up. He was I had never met him before and like we were all hanging out in the alleyway and him and his buddy were there with their girls and they were like bitching about the club, like the reason they're charted making doing a two way at a minimum, was because they're struggling to stay open. It's like, no, that's literally every club in the fucking world does that, Dude. Um. And then he went up. He was like he was early in the show. Um, and did it was it was. It was a small LINEUPS, everybody at like seven minutes and he did like seven minutes straight of just abortion. Yes, I do remember. And I was like opened with an abortion joke and no, dude, hey, they weren't even funny. Like it's it's like we're gonna be that dark. You better. He was just talking about abortion and and it got it fell with a thud and he just kept going and just would and he was also laughing at his own ship, like he thought he was the funniest motherfucker ever. But then, to tie it all off, him and his buddy back at the table were like ordering like buckets of beer all night and then forget who their server was, but brought him their receipt and they were like. He was like, Oh, well, I performed tonight. She's like, you still gotta Pay Your Tab, and they were talking the whole night, to the point where Karen finally went up behind him was like you need to shut the funk up, and then they threw down whatever cash they had, which I don't even think was enough to cover their bill, and walked out before the headliner was even done, which I think was Ray Hensley Um, and just yeah, I never saw that kid again. Yeah, makes sense. Yeah, it's probably for the best. I mean, Karen has come up and tell it, because because is back when she was running the show. If she that, I will you to...

...shut the funk up. You're not getting booked again. You're not this and this was on one of the Sunday shows. Yeah, yeah, it was like right before covid it was rough. Yeah, I don't I think. I think I remember that guy. Yeah, I'll never forget. The reason I remembers because it was the first time I hosted there. So it's like I'll never forget that because seven minutes of abortion jokes. Because it was the same night that that Um Aaron went up dressed as a dressed as gumby. Oh Dude. Yeah, and that was I fucking lost my ship. He didn't have that great of a set, no, but he was dressed up to all of all his comics. It was amazing. It was just as Gumby telling his jokes and never once acknowledged it, because I was because he was the first one up that night, so I brought him up and I didn't know he was wearing it and I'm like, Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Walking up the stairs does his whole set. It was your typical Aaron Phillips said, it was just like Aaron being Aaron and phase he could be talking to nobody. Yeah, but he did the whole thing dressed as gumby and didn't acknowledge it once and people just kind of kept laughing because they were like wait, is he ever actually gonna Mention this? So fucking funny. It's Badass. I don't think I've ever had it. Every since eye taking it over, I don't think anybody's ever done anything crazy. I think I scare people partially because nobody, I say everybody, runs a light. Nobody really ever runs a light. But like like when I say that ship, a lot of people get off early. Yeah, I feel like fun. Yeah, I feel like every time I do it. I think this was the first time in a while I haven't seen someone go over. I see a lot of people go late, like shure. I'm like, that's right, you fuckers. Well, that's the time I did this on this show before this past week. There was at least like three or four. Yeah, there was one old guy that like. I felt kind of bad for him. He just seemed like this wholesome old man. Sure enough, Mike, nope. That's why I said it, you old guy. Fuck you retirement. So you don't, you don't. You don't cut off like Karen.

Does. You cut the MIC? No, I'm I getting the voice that I get on the Voice of God Mike, and I give it up for Blah Blah blue and they're like that's why I wish I could play. Yeah, Oh my God, if they let me have you know, my like my sound effect board and ship, like you know any of that? Uh Yeah, they're just right there, though. That's what my Dick Sounds like when it comes Jeff. Jeff and Caleb had a DJ at at Carmichael's one time for a brief time, for a couple of weeks consecutively, that guy came back and he would play like fake applause when folks were walking up and walking off and would play applause tracks and play rim shots and ship, which was everybody got like intro music, and they were looking at I think it was the same guy who was doing Um, Um, what's the one over there? UH, by right state that Daryl was running for a bit it uh ws W. Yeah, I think it was the same guy doing that. I remember one time I came at a contest. I used the music to my advantage. So I came up to backstreet boys. Uh, what Song Was it? What's their famous one? I want it that way all I want. I knew that right off the bat. Okay, back streets, back I could name a few and I had like them singing and I was like yeah, and I just went into the darkest joke I have. Right afterwards they're like what's just the the only day it was balls deep in a fourteen year old yet up with. Yeah, I thought that was like one of your no, I now vere how I came up with that. I want to know now. I literally took me thirty seconds to write that joke. It wasn't like I was like Huh, okay, right, this is gonna work. It's like something you come up with on the fly, using like a wild card and cards. It really was. It was like some balls. I literally just it's kind of one of the things right before I went up on stage. Yeah, I was like Huh, just like...

...my cocaine joke. I came up right before I went up on stage, UM, which I still wait, wait, I think of the heroine joke, which was the cocaine joke, my favorite pickup lines. It's like jokes, and I was like fuck it, I'm just gonna come up with this and I was like, all right, that was well. I mean, speaking of like fucked up jokes we all know. I mean Vander's got one of the most fucked up ones I've ever heard. I love it, I think disgusting. It's disgusting, but it's flawless one because it's true. The snort your vomit or whatever. That's amazing. It's it's an amazing it's an amazing bit. So that really happened, though, I guess. Yeah, Dude, dude did it. Told me about it. Tell tell the people listening a little bit about you and tell us kind of the story behind that, I guess. So, yeah, I'm a twice convicted felon count it twice. Uh, and yeah, I went to prison and when I was in prison it's when I like started thinking that maybe I'm funny, because I was the goofiest person in prison obviously. So, like the first thing I ever came up with was my dad has no legs. It's reel and that's a good one. And Uh, yeah, I got out of prison luckily, stayed out of prison, kind of turned some ship around, stopped doing heroin all the time and uh, I was out for a couple of years before I really dove into this. Um, I dabbled right before covid up, but maybe about six months leading up to it. We're like my only joke, and I would tell the same joke every week for like a month about just, Oh, nobody tried to fund me in prison, and that was it's a good when you're first starting out, you'll match those. That's all you got. So but yeah, man, I've I'm digging this a lot. I like I like doing the shows and going to open mix, meeting all these guys like you two, and I mean you've you've just from people talking to me, when you've quickly become kind of a like one of...

...the favorites among the locals. I mean just because we know you're gonna we know you're gonna show up, you know you're not gonna be a Dick and we know you're gonna try and and you know it's the crowd sucks. You're you'RE gonna work. So now and that one joke is so fucking good. Hair on. It's just so fucking, so fucking good. Because when you sent that message asking, like I guess I should heart of this bit, I was like, fuck no, I'll tell you why. Somebody for real came up to me. I won't say who. It's a friend of mine and he told me. He was like no, I don't know, man. You tell it every time and it's I want to get grows some people out and getting old. It's not what I mean. Like if you do it like it wasn't a barrel. Yeah, I mean, it's just because you have the same people do the joke, but like in a comic clip, that's gonna pretty much murder every time. I'm bummed I didn't get to tell it because, like it takes me about a minute thirty to tell you and I got the light, so I knew that I wouldn't. I was like, get off stage, that's what do you. I was hoping you just gonna tell because you're having such a good set. I was like it was literally, I literally I spanned out the whole five minutes earlier that day and like it was a perfect five minutes. But, and this is I guess this is a good problem to have, I did not take into account in the laughter breaks that I was going to get because like that, yeah, if I would have had another thirty seconds, I would have done it. It totally happens. It's IT'S A it's a great but because, like I was telling you, like it's one like if you've got, if you're in a comedy club setting, you maybe even got a longer set where you don't have to worry about it that much. Yeah, it's great. You're you're you're what. You're likable enough on stage, in in in your delivery that people are going to be a bit, you know, more into it. I suppose if you were, if you were super stand offish, which can work for some people, but I think if you, I think for that bit to work you've got to be likable. It builds tension. Yeah, because you're telling you something. They're like, why, where is he going? What the where are you going with this? And people probably think, is this true? Really? That's that's what's going on. Like when you first hear that joke, you're like, oh, that was like you're...

...building a lot of tension and people are like what kind of getting there, getting uncomfortable in a sense. And then, because basically jokes are just building tension and cutting it with laughter, and then to have the perfect thing that and just cuts the laughter and you're like, because you could feel the release Um pretty crazy. It's it's such a good joke, and I don't say jokes are good. It's true. He usually thinks everyone's material is ship. No, I don't. Your materials quit. Um. So what's everyone I've got a lot of ship and booked this month. What's everyone else got going on? I got the semifinals for the Semipro go bananas. That's literally it. That's it. That's it. I mean that's good. If you're gonna have one thing booked for this month, that's a good one. Top like doing anything right I still don't feel like going out for comedy right now. I just be at home with my kid, like it's the only thing I want to do right now. I don't even write that much. I mean I've been writing, but not crazy, like I think I'm doing this joke and it maybe because you're going to be on the show. I thought about it. I was like three mics. I was like, don't I have like a three mic joke and the jokes be like, and this is a true story, part of it. That's true story. That's why I I was like my my wife dated three mikes in a row, so whenever she's having we're having a sex. I'm pretty sure when she says my name's referring to one of them because they're filming us. I don't know if I ever fucking but that's what I thought. I was like, I think I have a three Mike, because that's actually true. She dated like three mikes in a row. That's fine, it's weird. One day we're all three gonna be on the same show and we have to make sure the lineup goes for the three of us. That's kind of what I was wondering. I was do all of us have? Are you? What do you get? What do you get going on this rest of this month? Nothing, nothing, I don't get. He's still an open mic. Yeah, we need to change that. MIC or two a week. I don't. Ye Know. I'm looking forward to because I know the timing of it wasn't great. I'm looking forward to you doing fireworks and what. I don't know. I'm still...

...pretty tort if we didn't talk about who is it that has the bit about bumble Um, and they told it on Sunday. I think maybe it was Oh, it's it's Kemper. Talks about like the on bumble. She's like what's something? You're not over? He's like her things at nine eleven and he's like, I thought that was implied. Um, no, I was going out fireworks because I know the timing of it was. You weren't. You weren't aware of it, so you didn't. We weren't doing it. I don't really have any communication with well, he's like when I'm wanting to get on the Sunday comics, I just text. But yeah, I thought that's what everybody did not. We're gonna trying to like that's that's not common knowledge. I'm gonna bleep this whole ship out. Um, not just because you were. I'm I'm looking forward to you doing it next year because I'm gonna do fireworks and then I'm gonna try to get on the go bananas one too. You're gonna have so much fun with fire. Fireworks is the best show the earth. From me, I think it's a super fucking high. If I were you were, you were higher than I've ever seen you or ever been. I think you were fucking high because you hit someone's UH stick right. Why waits? Why fate pen a couple of times I was like what the fun? This is like motivation. That should get you a high. Yeah, it was good. Oh, the current event. Did you guys see those pictures of the space pictures? Yeah, they blew my mind, but I'm like, I want comedy material out of it, so I'm pretending like it's not blowing my mind. It's posted on facebook a picture of like a kid that drew and astronaut with a couple of stars. I was like, Sen does it is fucking weird that I think about that, like, especially last night, and then released yesterday's like the first one. I was like, Jesus Christ, space, we are nothing. That's what I literally messaged with my Buddy Ryan. I was like we're so insignificant. Yeah,...

...like we we we don't matter. Somebody, I spence, my wife. I was like, if we're like a finger snap, we are the of the finger snap. That's my life right there. Yeah, it's were we we mean nothing because because when you think about the way how about the speed of light and how far away those galaxies are, like we're seeing a lot of them after they've all realistically like died out by some years. Yeah, it's they also see that and think that we're the only ones. It's it's it's just it kind of just reinforces that like, how fucking arrogant are some people think we're like God's not real. Okay, that's trying to get but I think it's like one of those pictures. God was real, the one picture looks like it's just come, you know, talking about that straight God come. It was like picks dust stars. Well, it's it's a metaphor for God coming because, you know, one drop of of of semen has like millions of sperms. So God jizzed out the universe and each one of those little galaxies. Don't want to pretend I'm part of it. Our whole planet is just God. We're it's the one that hung onto the egg and we're God's seed, which I think is kind of the metaphor. They were going forward eternals, but I'm not sure. You know, sometimes it feels like life really gives you the raw deal. So give yourself some raw comfort in the form of edible cookie dough from dope. Dope is committed to reducing the stigmas around mental health and addiction recovery, while making the world a little sweeter one spoonful at a time. They've got flavors ranging from classics like chocolate chip and snickerdoodle to crazy concoctions like Brownie batter and Nitella banana plus. They donate a portion of every sale to the she recovers Foundation, a nonprofit...

...charity with a mission to connect, support and empower women in or seeking recovery. JUST HEAD ON OVER TO DOPE DOT COM, D O U G HP DOT Com. Put together a killer sample pack and use the code T B L O five to get five dollars off your order at checkout. You'll also get free shipping nationwide. So grab some dope today and get ready to lick that spoon clean. What's the craziest like story from prison? Are you wanna tell it? What the fuck? Who Woke who woke up? I don't even know. It's my watch went off. Series. Got Some got some stories from the joint, apparently Stab Amazon. Here's what I found. One time. I actually did what's a guy get? Like that's habbed, but like he was outing this guy. He had the papers that proved that this guy like testified against somebody which they were a b s and like they were falling out. So he was trying. He was like taking this paper around and showing everybody, like hey, dudes, a fucking rat, like he definitely testified on these people and the guy who was supposedly the rat. Like they ended up getting into it. It was my buddy would he was the one that got punched, slash cut, slash dad. The dude like he had like a blade that he made, but he was holding at the end of his fist, so like he clocked him in the jaw and it like cut his whole cheek over it. Uh, that's like that's the only violent thing I ever saw. I saw a lot of fucking, a lot of fucking, like hand jobs, like the typical stuff he would expect to see in prison. Because I was in a prison. I came in as a level two, so you're it's either people doing like short time or in my case, I was the first time offender, like I didn't hurt anybody,...

...so let me come to this level two, and that's why they only gave me a four year sentence versus like a nine year or tenure like they wanted to at first. And Uh, but mostly at London it was guys that started at super high levels, like did crazy to it, like murder, rape, and we're locked up for like to life, for thirty to life and they were like they had been locked up for like twenty years. So they've gotten their security lowered from good behavior, from being locked up for so long. So a lot of them craved pussy and they knew they'd never get it. So I would always like I would have to look through all the showers first before I took a shower because I'm like, Oh God. Sometimes, like I would see two heads in the same shower going back and forth. I'm like, I'll just I'll stay dirty for a little longer. Yeah, mostly just dudes having sex, playing orange of the new black. Was Not that far off. It really wasn't. I had watched that show before I got locked up. I'm like, I hope this gives me a good idea. When it's like, and it really did, everybody just sucking it's like, do you think the prison system is broken, since you're definitely, definitely well like, and it kind of played in my favor, like I can say for a certainty that I benefited from white privilege. I'd got a four year sentence for two counts of first degree felony aggravated robbery. There were dudes in there for fifteen years, twelve years, seventeen years for like one count of the same thing. And you know those guys, for the most part, we're black. A good friend of mine was doing twelve years for robbery, but it was like his third time being locked up. So, yeah, they obviously gave me twelve years, but yeah, there were a lot of black dudes like had the same charges as me, doing like twice as long, if not more. So it's definitely fucked up. I benefited from it being sucked up in a way, but you still recognize it. Yeah, yeah, it was some bullshit, another sunshiny episode of the basement.

It is. No, I mean it's it's interesting to get that, that firsthand perspective on it, I mean, because we hear about it all the time, but none of us. I mean, yeah, I'm one of those kids that toured to prison and boy scouts when he was like seven years old. But you know, we walked around the areas that they deemed were safe. You know. Yeah, I never did that. That's fine. You didn't miss much. Really, not. Not much goes on in prison, honestly. Like, yeah, the yards huge. People walk around this track all day. It's like the only thing to do. A lot of guys literally just stay on the phone, like they're just talking to their people all day, every day. Yeah, do they have like a limited phone time? Pretty much, uh, fifteen minute phone calls cost eighty cents, or at least when I was there. I think it's a little cheaper now and you could do a maximum of six. But there were a lot of guys that didn't have families, so they would like use other people's pin codes and ship. Gotcha know that. You hear about that a lot too, about how white the way they charged that ship, like there's like ridiculous fees for the thing because it all gets charged with the family. Yeah, and they slap on like yeah, it's eighty cents for fifteen minutes, which probably adds up to twelve bucks, but then they slapt sixty worth of other fees and ship that the family has to pay. Yeah, it's it's it's so fun, so much money and like to send to give somebody commissary money is like a ridiculous fee. I'm saying this like I've been there. I mean I just watched a lot of John Oliver, but now it really is like even if it's I think it's. My mom would put or like my mom or my wife would put like fifty bucks onbody kind every once in a while and I'm pretty sure they were getting charged like five bucks for that, but that was obviously just going straight to its profit for profit prison. Yeah, everybody's like, Dude, because I was at London, which is a state correctional facility, like it's not private, like they're not profiting. I'm like, yeah, they are. They definitely are still profiting, just not...

...as much as a private institution would. Um, I don't even married for a little over two years. We got that long. We had. We had from June of nineteen when we got engaged, all the way up until like the pandemic hit. We were playing in this huge fucking wedding. We were gonna have a hundred or more people there and we got all the decoration and ship and then fucking covid happened. So we made the decision. We were like we're still gonna get married. She got married before you went in. No, no, it was after I was locked up. I don't know what the timeline is here. I didn't meet him until like this year, so I don't know if the timelines are here. He just get out today. Okay, well, he was. So he was our work release, doing stand up. Okay, nice on the turn myself back in. Uh No, I was locked up from January of fifteen until July of eighteen. Um. And Yeah, I've been together with her the whole time. You've been with her for a while. It was actually like shortly before I got locked up, her and I got together, like wow, so she saw me at my worst and then, like I got locked up, we pretty much knew that I was going to go away for a little while and she was like, you know what, I'm gonna stick around. Okay, even if I wanted to leave her, there's no way I could do it. What kind of an asshole would I be? You would? I mean, well, ship George Lopez did that, like his wife donated like a kidney or something to him and that he divorced her, and I'm like, you Dick, a piece of ship. Is She, though? It's like you gave me a kidney and I still want to leave you. Yeah, that's fun. It's a valid point right there. You know, sometimes it feels like life really gives you the raw deal. So give yourself some raw comfort in the form of edible cookie dough from dope. Dope is committed to reducing the stigmas around mental health and addiction recovery, while making the world a little sweeter one spoon full at a time. They've got flavors ranging from classics...

...like chocolate chip and snickerdoodle to crazy concoctions like Brownie batter and Ntella Banana. Plus. They donate a portion of every sale to the she recovers Foundation, a nonprofit charity with a mission to connect, support and empower women in or seeking recovery. JUST HEAD ON OVER TO DOPE DOT COM, D O U G HP DOT Com. Put together a killer sample pack and use the code T B L O five to get five dollars off your order at check out. You'll also get free shipping nationwide. So grab some dope today and get ready to lick that spoon clean. I tell you, I have to do with my kid now because he's born on Halloween, like I have to. There's one point in my life I'm gonna have to talk to him like listen, these kids don't get candy because it's your birthday. How long are you gonna let him think I have known like I don't know that I am gonna have to sit down and be like, listen, miles, these kids don't get canny because and he's like, Dad, I'm fucking a chick. Can you please? Okay, I'm bad. Why are you still here, though? Yeah, and just be I don't know, it's be very like, I don't know, I've thought about that so much because, I mean, any kid it's going to think that at that point, oh, people wear costumes on my at a young age. So the whole world isn't celebrating your it's not one big worldwide birthday party for you. Honestly, most of them don't even like you. But but of all the of all the holidays to be born born on, I think I think folloween is probably the coolest. I think so because because you can excuse to have a party anyway. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, my brother's birthday is on Valentine's Day, which is just kind of dumb. Yeah, I love you, Jonathan. I know you listen, you listen to this show, but it's just kind of a weird, dumb holiday to have your birthday on his birthday, because you could have hall you could have Valentine's Day sex. Sure, that's where we...

...conceived our child, even though I was like why, I turned the then list. I was like, we shouldn't have sex tonight. Well, we did have sex and what fuck? She's like, because you're trying for a kid. Yeah, she's like what? I was like, we had sex tonight and I came in your pussy. She's like, what do you mean? I was like, if we get pregnant right now, it's because we got pregnant and Valentine's against so shitty. She was like, she doesn't cur. She was like fuck. Yeah, I guess that's the one that if your birthday is on Valentine's Day, it's like, you have no excuse not to have sex with me. Hunt You. She'll be like watch me, I'M gonna go to the bar mind's the week after Christmas, which means I don't know which means. I just get like you get half your presents on Christmas. The they have a for your birthday. It's like no, no, no, two separate days to separate. I try to play it off like that's what they like. What I know two people have actually had birthdays on Christmas. I fucking hate it. They did as witnesses anyway. So it doesn't even matter either way. They're not celebrationous. It's just a doubly normal day for them. I witness actually, a guy used to work with at the at the old station. Was Yeah, and so, like any time our bosses would give out, because every time it's a holiday, we'd get like starbucks gift cards or some ship, and you'd always be like, anybody want mine? Because he doesn't, like it's against his religion to in any way, shape or form. They don't observe birthdays or any holiday whatsoever what. Yeah, but anything about like thinking free ship, I'm thinking, yeah, well, it was just it was just one of those it was just they didn't it wasn't it just wasn't a thing. Yeah, like my thing is, like I was going with this, like Oh, I thought about in the past, like your birthday is just a day. You're born, obviously, but like the celebrates kind of weird because you're you're aging regardless. At what point do we put that time like on the count or say hey, you know what I mean. At what point can we just say look, you're an asshole and we don't want to celebrate you being alone.

Just that just you're just aging. Like as a as a world, we decide, you know what, like we should have months and days. Well, let's let's be honest. My my mom's the one who did all the work that day. Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's fucking weird to think about. Maybe celebrate the milestones, but like, I'm not coming to your second birthday. Celebrate that, like yeah, Oh yeah, once you, once you hit thirty, I think you've got thirty and then fifty and then after that, like yeah, oh yeah, gotta eat all the pus you can get chucky at chucky cheese and the balls, just balls everywhere. I just think it's something very disgusting a fucking woman sliding her see across all the balls and just tripping slowly. If some old man's I don't know why I thought about that, I probably would not make it less unsanitary, because at least it's a bodily fluid. Those people are already shine their boots. Let's they're already fucking petrie dishes in those ball pits. Man, I'm amazed that any chucky cheese has survived the pandemic. Honestly, like the one over there, it really fucking did, the one by them all, like as soon as she was allowed to open up again. They were open and it was packed and I'm like, this is like the worst place you could possibly go as a broth. Oh even then, brother, they at least make you wear a man you're about to fuck me, but don't breathe on me. Hold your breath now I'm gonna hold you cover your mouth while I fucking. I don't want you breathing my same air while I lick your asshole for five...

...the bucks like ship. I was about to say there's some assholet. It was like they do not cost fifty bucks. You son of a bit, shirking off this right now. You fucking for me. Gotta bring capitalism into this fuck.

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