The Basement Lounge
The Basement Lounge

Season 2, Episode 85 · 2 months ago

The Wrong F-Word

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

We're rejoined by our buddy Mike "Vander" Vanderveen who was recently disqualified from a comedy competition for saying the wrong F-word. Also, the White House is finally implementing some form of student loan forgiveness. And we try to guess which muppet is the most hung.

This week, the three Mikes talk about:

  • Comedy competition rules
  • Student loan forgiveness
  • Muppet genitals

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Follow Mike & Mike on Twitter:

Mike Shea - @mrmikeshea

Mike Wells - @mikewtfwells

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Check out our website for more fun stuff:

https://www.tblpod.net

I watch a lot of old movies. Um, I don't have time getting too much pussy. Good just to you. That was a dumb thing to say, and also some of us just live with a pussy. I also had two, three pussies at home, two cats. Yeah, anyways, I was gonna be like five pussies, forecats and a glory hole. His name's cookie, he says in the crazy cookie monster. Being on the other side of Glory Com. It's no longer. He's no longer the cookie MOMS, just the cock most dot com you see, just steal. Welcome to the Basement Lounge podcast, a deep dive into current events, a comedic look at a serious world, posted by Mike Shay and Mike Wells. Dude, this, this, the student thing is so Fu it's my favorites in the White House when after people, oh the sound ship that was. She was like a social media resentator for a New Jersey governor of this some like that, for the mayor's office. She's the one that's running that accountant. She brought the receipt so desting people. The number one troll on twitter right now is the White House. Those loans like p PP loans that you were forgetting what, and then people finding others, like student loans have been forgiven, like like far right people, and people were like is this shoe, this is how much you loans. You're forgiven. I was like, fuck you bitch, I just found out. I didn't know this, but since I worked for a nonprofit, if I worked there for five years, I can get student loan forgiveness, like completely, completely. It's like, Oh, okay, it's that's enticing me to because you're like you're like six figures and you have seventy five thousand. Because Melissa, because she's a teacher, she...

...gets some already forgiven, but it's so hard. She actually got it right the first time. How they fill out that paperwork? Really it's just people that's been doing like three or four times and fail each time, like they just something Fox up on it, like for the teachers, for the teacher one, like they just fill out something wrong or check a box wrong. Well, like I said the other day, I'm less concerned with the dollar amount forgiven and more with them Um reeling in the interest rates. Oh yeah, well, that ship, that ship is kind of well, like my thing is I kind of argument with somebody. I was like they start charging you interest as soon as you take out the loan, and then the guy was like, no, they don't. Yeah, I was like yeah, they do. He's like now, if you're going to school, you don't have to pay it. I was like they literally start as soon as you take out. You don't have to pay it, but they start applying. Yeah, a cruise immediately. Yeah, you get like, I forget how many months after you stopped being in it, but it's also not when you fit, it's when you stop being full time. Yeah, so if you just dropped down to part time time after like I think it's six months to a year, that ship you gotta start. Maybe it's three months. I think it's three. Yeah, you guys are paying that back. You don't have to pay, but your careering interest the entire time. Yeah, yeah, I'm super glad that I skipped on college and went to prison instead. It was just the most I'm glad you that's actually good. But financially going to prison was the best thing that ever happens. They gave me twenty dollars a month instead of me having to owe student loans out to the School of hard knocks. So I said the other. That's what I said on face with the other day, is I'm like, yeah, they're gonna forgive I think. I think I might qualify for the twenty because I did get the Pell Gran at one point. But it's like I'm still gonna be paying like over five hundred bucks a month for the next years. Dude, God, we pay so much fucking money in student Lans, me and my wife that she did school teaching, so she was in longer. Yeah, but like...

Hu like like a thousand dollars a month. I don't know, don't you pay? Thank God, I'm a fucking idiot. Thank God. I don't know, it just it cracks me up. The White House troll and everybody was like the greatest thing. Now on the man, I've never come to twitter, but being like remember this. I was like I've never called in GTS face or I was about to say anybody fucking destroying Marjorie uh tyler green, Taylor Green or tyler. Who Cares? That bitch? That bitch just the fucking worst. But yeah, I kind of forgot that it was her that they like attacked. They were like you received like fourteen millions or one point four no, hers is like two. One of them was like a lot millions, was in the millions, and then like Kurt Schilling, who was pictured, uh, like, I don't think he's gonna make the hall of fame, but he complained and somebody was like didn't you like the government bail you out, because, like are the state of New Jersey bailed you out because you had a failing soft video game development company. Gave you all this money, but then you end up taking the money from the employees. anyways, he didn't. WHOA? I did not know about that. Yeah, he had a video game development company and then like it just didn't work and so like the state of, I think it was like New Jersey, came in like gave him a ton of money and like I don't think he paid all the employees of money or something weird happening with the money after that. But I was like this is so funny and Sall players or some of the scummiest fucking people in the world. Oh did I I used to troll Aubrey huff all the time. Oh yeah, the troll Aubrey huff all the time. My favorite one right now is is that ship. I posted that Kevin Sorbo said. Oh God, Hercules, did you see that ship? Mander? It's my body, my choice, he said. So my body,...

...my choice, except for when it comes to student loan debt. That's I'm just like what. First off, I'd like, you stole that from somebody, right, you didn't write that. Second of all, he's been off his fucking rocket for like ever since. What happened then? I don't know. Some asshole. Some asshole probably did something. He's a piece of ship. Somebody try to like. I didn't like. This is how bad some people have gotten. One it comes like the trump and the FBI rate. Somebody was like do you really know why they rated? The F FBI rated trump, and I was like I didn't. I didn't ignore it because I was like, yeah, he had. I didn't want to say he had documents because I neither hardn know he did it. This something like deeper than that. I'm like, are you fucking talking about? Like literally, what it what's for? I hate people. It's annoying when all the ship that like he gets targeted for. They're just all they have to do is say it didn't have and what are you talking about? Like that's all anybody has to do. That's their argument. Is just he'd literally have sex with his daughter and people like no, he never said that, and you pull up the clip and you're like there you go, and they'll still be like no, that was photo shopped, photo shopped his lips and the sound of his voice. mean it was a really good impression. I didn't know what he meant. He would rape his daughter. Realistic, I have consentual sex. Yeah, he didn't say I'd be dating her. He said got, got you. Okay, be rape. It sounds the same. Gotcha, got you. I mean he was right. Did you see the rack? Would you fuck the Statue of Liberty? I got the Statue of Liberty was hot. If it was a person, someone, it wasn't from from ghostbusters, just like you. Ever wonder if she's naked under there? I mean she is French, I wonder. I bet she was hot, though. Yeah, sure, I bet. I bet the Mona Lisa fucking. I feel like Mona Lisa was a bit. I feel like she was a bit,...

...but I bet she gave great head. Nah, looks like look a little, a little thin, but she knows how to work that tongue. I'm willing to bet. That's why she's not smiling. I want to paint. I want to fucking man paine because that means I'm sucking off my rocker and acid. Always like I've always wanted to always want to marry a van. Always want to marry a vengo pain because they're they're worth a million dollars but funked up in the face. I've never told that on stage. I want Um. Did you see the ship that Gina Karana is doing now? Is I'm not that like Western? No, she's doing a there's a movie being made about and I swear to God this is real. It's a movie being made about the Hunter Biden Laptop thing and she's starring in it as an extra. No, she's she's in it. It's called my son, Hunter Um, directed by Robert Davy, Lawrence Fogg and John James. I guess the thing is about this laptop thing is like what I do. I'm just saying because I found this on twitter and it was like, can you believe that in a one and a half years she's gone from being on the verge of getting her own star wars spinoff to starting in a Bright Bart Produced Hunter Biden movie. The first thing that says is Bright Bart says the film is not a true story, except for all the facts. I hate bright barts so much, the fucking words. It's like it's like that's like you're better off just selling, like selling nudes. That's just coming out next week. I'm just gonna Watch it. Trump was off. No, it's just gonna be like every every forty year old male that I'm knew it. Honey, come in here and we fucking knew it. It's just it's like one of...

...those things is like what does this laptop have to do with anything? Remember when they leaked they found it and leaked it all that ship and I was like this is so you leaked his cracked out videos. Everybody knows he smoked crack. Cool, awesome. Like tell me something nobody already didn't know. So what you're saying is he's cool as fun. So what you're telling me is the is the recovering addict. At one point used drugs and hook like yeah, this is everything everybody already knew. Trust me, anybody who's using cocaine is fucking hookers. It's a package deal. You get it's it's you get a discount. It's like I'm sitting there, I'm like, Oh my God, this is hunter bids laptops, just like one of those like speaking spills. It's one of those were those Little v Tech kids laptop the size of regular laptop but the screen was like that big and he just played letter games. The whole thing isn't so. With Hillary, it was like her email, but like she went in front of Committee for I don't know, God knows how many hours. But it was a secure server, wasn't it? Or something like that? Yeah, it was. It was a server. It was a secure server that already existed in the house because because bill put it there, which means it probably was just full of porn. Yeah, but that's yeah. And and then with hunter, with Joe Biden, it was hunter Biden's laptop. So not even Joe, but what trumpet's like? He cheated on his wife multiple time. He fucked the prostitute, the porn star, Porn Star, he fucking had six businesses to go up, filed bankruptcy six times and then I stole all these documents. Like what? I don't, why is it? What? Don't begin. He started on trump university. Oh, Gosh, I think, which I think is still in litigation Um, and I think. I think they said that like the FBI, uh, that the D O J has the they have the the warrant or whatever of what the FBI was looking for when they rated it.

Yeah, like they like they've been getting. The J has been given a copy because because the January six committee still the thing, right. Yeah, yeah, so they've got because I know they got a copy of Alex Jones's cell phone ship. Oh my God, that because, yeah, because you heard about the whole cell phone fiasco, right, did you hear about that? Alex Jones? I mean I know that he was like on trial for something about the Sandy Hook. So he's being sued because of all the ship that he said about Sandy Hook thing. Well, his lawyers in in Discovery. We're trying to just give certain things too. Yeah, and they accidentally gave it a whole. Yeah. Well, now the January six committee, because now it's available to everybody, it's not considered privileged information. The January six committee reached out to the lawyers and we're like who had it? Were like yeah, we get a copy of that, and they were like yeah, you got I got your fan. That's fine, he's so fucked. NO SNAKE OIL IS gonna get no, no, Oh, just looks like what's that? One rock monster and Pokemon, the Pokemon Rock Guy, G O, dude, I don't know, but it looks like that. If he lost his way, I just greased himself up real nice slat. I've been drinking. If you guys like to reach out to us and be a part of the show, be a part of the conversation, there are several ways to do that. Just go to our website, www dot t b l pod Dot net. That's www dot t b l pod Dot net. You can send us a message through the website, or you can even leave us a voicemail by clicking on the voicemail button in the corner of the screen and leave us a message that we will respond to live on the show. Once again, just go to www dot t b l pod Dot net. I'd rather say fuck on stage and get disqualified. Yeah, just fucking just go up there. Five every judge's Gored Card said Fuck five times. That's...

...funny. And at no point they at no point did they think like I wonder if our F word rule is vague I think that you think they'll know what we're talking about. Another comic, and I told you guys this before, another comic, is the one that told me that it was the gay slayer. It wasn't, of course, because you put it in the same sentence as the n word, I'm going to assume it's hate speech you're trying to ban, which I get. Don't say the N Word and don't say the bad fk word. Okay, that's fine. That's an easy rule to follow. Made a lot of sense to me at the time. So you're telling me I could have gone up there and said cunt a million times, but as long as I didn't say funny. Okay, that's not that's literally how how it is. If you go out to uh, that's the one in indie crackers. They have the same role. They're like at the open MIC, they're like you can't say fuck, you can say anything else, you can't say fun and I'm like, so I can go up there and talk about getting sucked off and sucking a chicken her cut and they're like yeah, she's like, if you're black, you to say the n word, I don't care, you just can't say fun and I'm like, people have the n word, white people have fun like that's aunt. We have cunt Um. So, for those who don't know what we're talking about, first of all, Vander's back on the show. He's been here for a while now. Be Third Voice. That that fucking guy. Um. So you were doing the contest over at funny bone clash, clash the comics, and there was a rule that there you weren't allowed to. The rule said you're not allowed to say the F word and the n word in parentheses. You know which ones? Yes, evidently I didn't. Apparently you didn't. Um. Now apparently it's been changed, changed, and I hear they're giving you a do over. Yeah, so I messaged the guy that runs it. I'm not gonna drop his name. I think my family wants to beat his ASS, but I don't to my family. It's not me. I respect...

...that. I get it. He's a good dude, a great comic. But I messaged him and I said because I was concerned. The email actually said that like, if you violate these rules, you may be completely disqualified from ever doing a clash ever again. So I messaged him to make sure that they that that wasn't gonna Happen, that I wasn't banned for life. Um, and he said no, we have one spot left for the UH September show. put the email in now if you want to get on it. So I sent the email immediately and I got back in and they changed the email. Now it says you can't say the F word or the N word. The F word is fuck, but you probably shouldn't say the other one either. I started a movement. I started I try to get on the September one, but that's what you took the last one. Really, I'm still I would Forford, I would forfeit my spot to you if I wasn't like coming back with a goddamn vengeance. That's a big deal. I still don't know if I even want to try signing up for it because I don't know if I could get people to come. Oh, I know, I definitely couldn't get people coming. They can get people come. Fuck them. Yeah, John John, there's who I am anyways. So it's kind of like I'll never host there. Just what it is. I think this last time they wouldn't have cared. Like everybody there was only seven out of ten. Three people didn't show up. Uh, I don't think they really would have cared. It was. It was a decent crowd. A lot of people brought like quite a few like there. I think there were three comics that brought more than fifteen people each, and I think I had like eleven there. And is that they like the physic it's audience vote and they can they vote for multiple or how does it? How does it work? No, it's five judges with like a scoring system. They judge on continuity, laughs per minute, stage presence. Uh Uh. I was told there'd being a math. Oh No, it was all math. All the judges literally had to do Math Story Cal West J UH tells. I felt guilty.

I was like, I let cow down. Really, how dare I? You didn't let cow down. The rules like cow down right, but I forget. Last per minute is such a like. That's why Ryan Won. His set is so like punching the mouth, punching the laugh after laugh atter laugh like. That's one of the main reasons he won, which he's great. I think he definitely deserve to win. Yeah, Ryan's awesome, but that's where I lack. I can't get lots of laughs per minute because all of my materials well, also last per minute very so if it's a laugh here, one it's like a really big laugh. It's there like two, it's like an applause breaks there like three or four. That's how make it down because, like I take a sect to get to my punch lines, but my punch lines typically land pretty heavy. It just takes me seck to get there. So I don't know, I want to hear laughs per minute. It reminds me of that. Do you remember the this is early two thousands. This thing popped up online where you could measure the amount of laughter in your comedy clip and it would score your your clip. So they did a whole you're seen. You've seen the I am comic right, the documentary? Have you seen it? Because a documentary called I am. It's actually a really good documentary about stand up if you can find it. But there was this website and you could, like you hit space bar to start the timer when the laughter started in your when you're like playing a clip, and you press space bar again to stop it when you get to the end the clip. It measures like the percentage of laughter during your clip and whether or not if it reaches a certain like threshold if it's considered, you know, good or not. And I'm like okay, but like what if? What if I'm like Ryan and I'm getting a bunch of quick punches as opposed to like how funny a joke is is not measured in how long everybody laughs for. It's it's almost like a Mark Martin Norman. It's funny, but his like when his jokes hit, they don't necessarily it's like, but, but he doesn't really have a but you get lots of chuckles, chuckles,...

...yeah, not a whole lot of hearty guffas. Sam Mourel's way different. SAMUREL's like yeah, Samurel his ship lands. Yeah, so it's it's it's kind of interest. It's kind of I know it's very interesting. Last perman, it's very weird and some people don't even like like going off that. Yeah, it's just it's just when you, when you tell me, when you start saying we're judging you by like your laughs per minuted, I'm like don't, don't put science in this. Why it's I don't try to put science in my I don't think like a good lap perman. It's like fourteen or something like that. So if you think about it's like what it's like a laugh every four seconds. It's very weird. But like when you read the book, it breaks down to like it breaks down Mathm Act or so I'm like, okay, what else? So they throw up, they throw out your highest score and your lowest score. So the judge that scored you the best and the judge scored you the worst thrown out and the three in the middle they add up to total. Every every category is one through five. The average it or no, they just added yeah, so each judge will will add up their own individual scores, like out of the I think it's out of five categories. I can't I can't name every single one off the top of my head, but yeah, it's some total. And then they added those middle three judges and that's your finals. Four to six last per minute. I'm sorry, okay, but like there's they score it weird. It's a very weird score. Oh, time, like the amount of time that you do. So you get the light at four thirty. If you end it at four thirty, yeah, if you end it before that, you get no points for a time. If you end it at four thirty, you get one point. If you ended it for forty, you get two points. For fifty, three points and I think four, fifty, five, four points. I landed exactly on five point. Zero, zero. Did you really? Yeah, he showed me when I was on my way back. He didn't tell me at the time that I was disqualified,...

...but he was like, Dude, you pocking. He showed me the tablet he was like you got it right there. Your goals to get right to five. Yeah, okay, then you get the full five points and if you go there's probably like a second or two wiggle room to go over. But yeah, if you go to like five, was one guy that was up there for like six and a half minutes. He didn't see the light and so he got, first of all, four thirty is. That's weird. That's cutting it close, because I spent all day like going over my set over and over again trying to account for like potential laugh breaks. Yeah, like, if you, if you, if you like me at four. That gives me a full minute to okay, let's I can, I can, I can um of course, correct to get to the end on time. You give me thirty seconds. I need I need those thirty seconds to figure out how to right. I don't know, I don't like if I'm in the middle, it doesn't matter. You give me the ten second light. I got two jokes right, I got a minute left. Here's more jokes, ship. I don't know, I'm I just I'm a little I don't know. I don't like incorporating that much math and science into comedy. It was a challenge and it was definitely know everything is like when you try to break it down. You can try to break it down and try to stick to five minutes, but, like you're it's so hard to do because you gotta count for laughter, and a lot of people don't account for laughter. If you get, if you, if you, if you like, get in the zone and you get your dreaming going, you might start talking faster. Not realize that you might. You might be. I get really in the zone. That's what happens to me. I'm like hit him, hit him. Yeah, I can. I can usually tell the reasons some of your stuff doesn't. Maybe land is because you're talking so fast. People don't know what the funk you just said. Oh yeah, because, like those of us who know your ship know what you just said like, oh, he just but you can tell the people that read are like like you just say so. When you get in the zone it's kind of now. But it's fucking funny. I hate comedy. Last night's show was...

...so bad at Wiley. Was It really? They were so uptight. Oh, no, they were so uptight. No, the audience was like really so uptight and like any dark material, which is whatever. But like I'm going and I was like these people are just bad. Like one guy did, one guy had to get set. That's it. How Rogers do you hosting? Uh, he did okay, host wise. I mean it was a good host set. Rogers. Okay, I might sitting there and like he's t Moore fucking tight ship. So I just to go up there. I do. I do a joke. Carl went up and then jody went up. I was like get up for jody, Joey looks like a Carl transitioned to a white woman named Karen. That's funny. They lost their minds and I was like, because Carl was literally wearing fucking he was wearing crocs on stage. Carl was like, Carl really said like I'm wearing crocks on stage. I don't give a funk, like I've given up. I was like give up for Carl wearing crocs on stage. That's some like big Dick Energy, but he's Asian, so that's some medium Dick. And then they were like really, okay. So I was like wait a second, you heard you heard one. I was like you hear one? Kid set what he said, but I took that too far. I was like fuck you, guys. Jesus. It was to the point they were so uptight. I did my dad kid joke. I didn't even warn them about it. Just like Jesus. I told you, Robin, that was going on after me and I was like don't do dark stuff, like when he was coming up and Joe did dark did like one dark joke. He's like, God damn, Michael's right. You guys don't like dark stuff at all. Now you can rep the basement lounge out in public by checking out some of the merch that we have available on our website. Just go to tbl pod dot net slash store. It's tbl pod dot net slash store, and check out...

...some of the t shirt and other merch designs we have for you, featuring our logo, some of our favorite bits, as well as a homegrown humor official t shirt as well. Once again, just go to t b l pod dot net slash store and check out some of the cool merch we have there for you. Now, I watch a lot of old movies. Um, I don't have time getting too much pussy. Good. Just kid you. That was a dumb thing to say, and some of us just live with a pussy. I also have two, three pussies at home. Two cats. Yeah, anyways, was gonna be like five pussies, fore cats and a glory hole. His name's cookie, he says in the crazy being on the other side of it's no longer he's no longer the cookie MOMS, just the Cock Monster Monster Dot com talk. Ye, just feeling. He's just got dried up stains of it all in his for puppet. You going, no, not again. Why is it when he blows me and feels like there's just a hand jerking me off? Why does he always give me sideways blow Joos? There's a thumb to now I'm looking up cookie monster, cookie monster giving fucking blow jobs with glorial here's imagine that like hell, yeah, suddy here is like, all right, I'm gonna come, come, come, come, come. He's just hear it like like in the distance, a solo like and cloaks are you like what the fun? But you slightly get aroused because you don't know what kills anyways. That's weird. The's a porn star that calls himself cookie monsters, just a black dude eating ess.

That's Nice, you know, good for him living his life. He is living his best life. I can't even be mad if somebody said, hey, you got to suff cooking monster and you get to eat ass all the time I think about it, I feel like so, I bet I bet Oscar, the grouch eats better. As you know, Oscar doesn't give a ship's got no finesse. He's just all Fu all mouth. I feel like big bird would be a very like like gentle but like not that thorough of a lover, like you'd be comfortable while it was happening, but when it was over you'd still be wanting for more. Maybe. But his safety, hiss, safe word is stuff all up, Aguess, stuffite love a guess. It's just a hope, which says to make sure your character has the biggest dick. I want to say animal are we're going muppets too. Okay, that's a muppet. I mean they're all the it's all the hens and all the hens and people. Um. which which muppet, slash Sessa, is the biggest dick? I don't know. I mean animals. Definitely autistic. Yeah, have you seen the climpse of o'me Eagle, where it's a guy being kermit the frog? Yeah, so I didn't. I was dumb and didn't realize that. You know, he's got the biggest Dick. Fozzy fozzy, swinging like thirteen inches easily. That's why you never see the bottom. That's why you never see the bottom of any of the puppets, because they're all just big, technically just somebody else's fucking arm. That's what it looks like. Yeah, no, that's not morm I've never seen I've seen Elephant Dick. Puts it the shame like. There's a reason why the holes on all puppets. This why he's got the biggest Dick. piggy pig,...

...he's got the biggest Dick. She pegs, she pegs Kermit, everybody Kermit's unit. That knows the eagle videos and you see it, pap and I'll say what I'll say. Rolf's got the smallest Dick. Rolf's the Brown dog always playing the piano. He's got the smallest Dick, but he knows how to fucking use it. Yea God. And I feel like Sam the Eagle is like a closet kink master, like just he's into like B D S M at. He's into some fifty shades of great ship. Probably maybe we opened up a cano. What about the kids on the show? Evaluating? What about the kids on the show? For that you have to ask Elmo. Oh God, Alamos a freak in real life. The Guy who was playing him was really, really you do know that? Oh, that's where I was going with that's where I was going with that joke. Okay, yeah, no, like they had to switch out O my actors because they found out that he was like fucking touching kids and ship. Jesus Christ, dark side of the ring I went. I went dark on that and nobody got it. Somebody listening at home, at home got it, and to U I say, welcome to my world. Oh my God, that's crazy. Yeah, this is just like it's like Mr Rod. He got cleared. What he got? Cleared of three charges of sexual abuse. He Won. I'm on his side. He probably he probably still didn't, but but he beat the system. Oh, he beat it all. He for really like he didn't even cleared of sex abuse charges, but he was accused by multiple men, I'm sexually abusing them over ten years ago when they were minors. So that ship happened. They just didn't care because there was boysn't that girls? And then he texted the texted his best friend about it, dude, cause, but you're not gonna believe what I just got away with. Man, from there on, Jesus, we're talking about welcome to the...

...fun hey, we were sexually like. We were, we were, we were, we were getting ready to make some fucking sesame street born. I'm just saying, just like all we, we were just one go funding stuffing us. I don't know if you watch, uh did you guys watch the the one with Melissa McCarthy, the movie time murders, whatever. I mean. Was it good? Oh, yeah, it's. It's fucking awful, but in a Oh it's so bad, it's so bad it's good, like it's worth the watch I really wanted to watch and I just completely forgotten. Become glitter and for them, for them, sugar is cocaine like like sugar. For them is what cocaine is for humans. It's, it is, it's so bad it's good. It's the room level bad. Gotcha, Gotcha. Interesting. I hope the FBI is watching it. Dude, Hey, NASA, how's it going?.

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