The Basement Lounge
The Basement Lounge

Season 2, Episode 88 · 2 months ago

How Do You Wipe?

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

No, seriously, we want to know. 

This week, Mike & Mike talk about:

  • Methods of wiping
  • Stupid celebrity news
  • The importance of evolving your craft
  • Dating in 2022 

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Follow Mike & Mike on Twitter:

Mike Shea - @mrmikeshea

Mike Wells - @mikewtfwells

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Check out our website for more fun stuff:

https://www.tblpod.net

Why the did it take me thirty seconds? Or write about being a dead kid, but I can't write anything about my own child. You know what I mean. I'm also pretty sure I'm Gary Oldman and I just don't know it because he's such a good APP Gary old one doesn't even know who Gary does to kill with those terrible things to me, M G K gets good bad cooking to be on the other side of. I'm a father. I have never death. I have no reference to that. Do you lean or bend over? Do I lean or bend over? For what? Wiping your ass? Um I'm mountain mannut. What the Hell is that even proper? Leg Up reached behind. Okay, so that's like a lean, kind of like yeah, I'll give you a Le Okay, there is my ass. It's my I'm not even kidding my uncle. We're driving a notre dame game he brought up, so I can't know what time. Yeah, and if she's like maybe fund of me for leaning and bending over and wiping my asses, like bending over and wiping your ass over, what are you talking about? Like, what do you mean? He's like, yeah, I bend over wipe my ass. So, like you stand up I was like, you stand up, bend over and wipe your ass. He's like, yeah, I have never heard of that in my entire no, no, but I've never ever. I was like. I was like, are you working with me? He's like like is he is he can tortuous? Is he bending over far up the sea so he can see how much bend over it spreads? The brown eye spreads the Brown eye and then I wipe. I'm like, your uncle's insane and that's why I was like. I'm like, you're funk on me right. He's like no, and I was like you know what? He's like, you don't know anybody that does it. I was like no, I mean, it's not a top of a conversation that comes up very often, but no, I mean I just kind of just lean and wipe. He's like yeah, but do you get everything? I'm like yeah, yeah, when it's the way the paper stops coming away with streaks on it, I'm good. And he was like but I was like, so what do you mean you lean? He's like, I just stand up and I mean what. I was like, what do you mean when you bend o? He's like, I just stand up when I bend over him. Why? I'm like so, like you like like you bend over. It's just like so, if I were to walk in on you in the bathroom in the middle of you wipe in your ass, I come in and just see your asshole in my face. He's like yeah, kind of. I was like, what the fuck is going on? I don't ever want to hang out with you and your family ever. Holy Sh it. I'm like, I feel like that would be sexual harassment towards me if I walked in. I was like what are you even the public rass? He's like, honest, I don't really go in public that much. It's like, yeah, I wouldn't either. I'd be like freaking out, like honey, we're not going out today. I might have to poop later and I don't want to be caught. It's like so, so he knows what he's doing. Is Is fucking weird. He's like, I don't go out in public that often. I don't want yeah, I never thought of it like that. He even knows. It's weird because he doesn't even poop the public. Yeah, I mean I don't want to poop it in public because public bads are gross and then he said at work he just waits and goes into because he works at Caterpillar. So he just waits into the trucker bathrooms like not full and he goes in there and you make sure nobody's in there because it just looked weird for his feet to be turned the wrong way. I've never fucking I mean I've got a Boogie, but so, like from my my problem is is the toilet paper. It's got to be decent toilet like. I actually keep an emergency four pack of like really good because that's the one thing I splurge on his name brand toilet paper. So I keep like a four pack. I know I keep like a four pack of like the Good Toilet Paper in my car with my because I always keeping overnight bag in my car as well. So the over night toilet paper bag, overnight bag, like it because it was like the ship everywhere I knew. It's like pooping knows. It happened. I got into from like when I was partying a lot in my twenties, and ship it's just a bug out bag. Got Bag. Yeah, and but I always I also keep like a four packets with a paper in there. So on work at work, on the weekends especially, I'm the only one in the fucking building. I'm not using that one ply sand paper. They fucking no funk that. I'm I got a bougie button. I'm gonna take good care of it. I got a baby Bush, like a half ply toilet paper, the half one. It's not even really technically there. Yeah, to see my veins in my hand, my asshole. It actually makes my ass dirtier when I use it. fucking paper cut from using I have never and like my quest is to keep on asking people if they've ever done anything like that, because I'm like what he actually like? It was like normal. I was like, you're on...

...a list. If you're INSERTIN, maybe it's normal. And he's a big guy too. He's like bigger than you. Oh Really? Yeah, I'm big, folks, you can't see me, but I'm big. I mean he's he's a big guy, and I'm like your face is your face is just I would hate to be his wife and just come on in. He's like yeah, she's coming in a couple of times. First Time she was like what are you doing? I mean she's like no, no, I don't wipe like this. This isn't how you jerk off on me, but why is there a belt around your next while you're doing I don't know, what's the belt got to do with wiping your ass? And there's come everywhere coming Um. I reached a boy scout. If you guys like to reach out to us and be a part of the show, be a part of the conversation, there are several ways to do that. Just go to our website, www dot t b l pod Dot net. That's www dot t b l pod Dot net. You can send us a message through the website or you can even leave us a voicemail by clicking on the voicemail button in the corner of the screen and leave us a message that we will respond to live on the show. Once again, just go to www dot t b l pod Dot net. I reached out to a couple of folks. Let's see if they can design a t shirt of the cookie monster. YEA, they gotta go people who are working on it right now. I described what I wanted and they were like absolute comm commm com, com, com, com com that is by far one of my favorite moments we have ever had on the show. That was that's up there with like the panda sex thing from last year. The PANTA sex thing was fucking fantastic than the sex is so funny. Um, you know what I think it's funny is the fact that Kanye West said he's never read a book because, quote, reading is like eating Brussels sprouts. said that. Yeah, it's from huff post right here, we're gonna write at it. He really? I mean, that does not surprise me. No, I mean, you know, you know I believe him. Believe him that. Never read a book. Never read a book, like, not even by accident, by accident. You read a book, green eggs and him nothing. Nothing. Yeah, like, like what do you when Your Kids Want Daddy? Can you read me a story? Fuck you, that means nobody. He'll never write an autobiography. He will, but it will be an audio. It will be audio book only on auto tune, audiobook only, like you can only get it. will be an album, because thosen't you have that thing right now, where like you can only get his album through this APP or something that he owns, but it's like two dollars or something like that. I mean, I wouldn't surprise me. No, nothing about him surprises me. Anymore. I mean especially ever, ever read a book? Yeah, he says. I haven't actually read any book. Reading is like eating Brussels sprouts for me, and talking is like getting the Georgio Baldi Corn Ravioli. That that is. That is the exact quote. I don't know what Georgio Uh Baldy Corn Ravioli tastes like, but I'm assuming it must be, you know, at least halfway decent. But yeah, it's I guess it came from a rolling to the rolling stone report. The parents were required to sign n d a s to send their kids to because he owns a tuition based Christian private schools. The whole thing. Kanye owns this like private school and parents had to sign an NBA to send their kids to it, and it came up in whatever Uh fucking interview they were talking about it. Um, by the way, his school is not yet accredited and I don't see that actually happening. Would never be accredited. Not It's a private school. Every student gets a pair of YEASIES, but they have to pay for them, but not the good yeasies. Yeah, the easies rejected from I think easiest from the losing championship team eases also look like horrible shoes, mind you. Oh, they look uncomfortable as fuck. They look like a sex toy for your feet, for people who have a foot fetish yeah, like, Oh, look at these yeasies, they're very skiezies. This this past week's episode of she hulk. This is on topic, I promise. was making fun of the whole like sneaker fat and all that, because they're they got like Avenger's team shoes that are coming out in the shows. Can you go wait in line with me to get these sneakers? They're coming out with a new iron man threes and they're only letting one pair of per person. Why do you need to one for showing, one for showing and one for wearing or whatever the fuck you whatever fun you said. And they look like fucking like the most uncomfortable fucking iron man theme shoes like ever. And they had like some concept art of his Uh shoe claws, that it was like and they each one was modeled...

...after a different fucking like marble character. Um, but's made me think of that. Um, yeah, he's a guy I got. That's my drip broker. She's like drip broke. I was like, you know what, that's that's Fu great, and the guy ended up being like the best part of the show. Honestly, episode or a bad episode? It was the first episode I didn't want to kill myself after watching it. Was it was it. Actually it was a decent episode, but the first four were so dogshit. That we'll see. But I think daredevil's coming this week. Um, yeah, because they kind of tease something at the end of the episode. Um, but also and or is starting on Wednesday. Three episodes. Um. As for Miller's batshit crazy, what happened? Now he they whatever, was doing some interview and was comparing saying something like. I'm like, I'm like, I'm next to like being like Jesus or the next Messiah or something like that. Yeah, that's it's total, but it's Jesus. Alright. So, like here I howe did they bring something up? Thinking of leaning and my like we're driving the car for like four and a half hours. It tastes like four and a half hours to get the South Bend from here. Um, so it's like, is there a rumor going around that Harvey, I mean, what's his face, to come back for spot for Superman and what's face come back for Batman? I mean those rumors have been circulating for for fucking years but has been confirmed. No one knows what the funk they're doing anyway. Is there anything? Does any may know what's going with the flash right now? UH, current rumor is that they is still on track to be released. Nothing else has been said. It's not coming out this year. Basically the only superhero movie war was putting out this year is is black ad yeah, which I could give a shit about. I mean it looks the most recent trailer I was like, okay, Dr Fate looks cool. I like that character, but it's purece Bros and so this. I don't give a funk about that movie. I'm just gonna go see it because it's been ten fucking years since they announced he was gonna be black ad him. I kind of just want to see it at this point. He really pushed it, he did Um and UH, like it's test screenings have been like ranking it like above like the Dark Knight, like. The people who have seen it have said that it's like dark knight good and I'm like, careful what they would be very fucking careful what you say there. Um, yeah, no, Ezra Miller was saying, Um, I'm trying to find the actual quote here, but I just had it. My fucking lost it, son of a bitch. I Hate Google so much. But yeah, I was was was comparing himself to Jesus, saying I'm the next, like you know, I'm basically the next Messiah. And bear in mind like this, like he's still they're still, you know, under investigation for like this grooming bullshit and and all the assaults and breaking and entering and all that, and I'm like you're still going ahead with this fucking movie. Sounds like maybe he's trying to purposely like just try to get fired by yeah, he's trying to get see how you got yourself. It's like the producers, it's like they're trying to fail. It's like, I don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't get it, and I'm just like again, like this is the one you're still putting all but even even the flash they're saying was getting like early, early test screenings. People were saying that it was like like life changing good and I'm like at this point, I don't care, like you're gonna have like I'm not gonna go see it in theaters. I'm not spending money to go see you. I'll wait till it hits like Hbo Max some Bullshit, and then maybe when I have a slow day, well, I should be the best babe they've ever made. Oh, I know, like that would be. That would be the fucking end of that story. Is like. It's that. It's like, man, if he hadn't a fucked around, this might actually a head, but now it's probably just gonna get released to people, it's gonna under form because nobody wants to see his movie and it's probably gonna be amazing. Um, I know it bumps me out, it really does, because I was super looking when that first bit of footage got put out at two years ago or a year ago or whatever it was. I was like Yeo, this looks really fucking good, and then all the ships are happening and I was like, Oh, I don't care now, Jesus Christ, wow, it's it's, it's it's actually kind of stunning how fast I stopped caring. It's like almost like a flash in the pen. anyways, Um, did you see this ship with pat say Jack Hanging out with Marjorie Taylor Green. How come it doesn't surprise me, though, because she, I know she can't spell words. Also, like you could have told you could tell me pat say jacks a piece of ship, and I fucking believe what if he didn't even know who she was? They looked like they were buddy buddy to me, like...

I saw that picture because I'm like sitting there and like, Huh, can I buy a new state representative? It's just like I don't know, like what if? It doesn't surprise me at all. But it wouldn't also be surprised if he had no idea who the funk that was, like he said. It feels like he's so full of himself. So is it so much like just him that he'd find like, who the Fox? I'll take a picture with full, full disclosure. When I saw the picture, I didn't know that was her. I don't commit to memory what this bitch looks like. I care more about when her name shows up in something. So everybody's tweeting the picture like Oh this is fucking disgusting. I'm like, I don't know what I'm supposed to be offended about here. I don't know. I don't know who that is. And then I saw the articles, like some of them, was like, Oh, okay, yeah, no, now, I get it, now, I understand, like but yeah, fakes value. No, if she could walk into this into this house right now, and I wouldn't tell you to be able to tell you who the fun she is. Yeah, I don't care. And when I see her name in print, different story. But sometimes I feel like that might be like he just took a picture. It's like one of those things. Is like when people go up to like they go up to like a fucking Um representative or congressman or just whatever and be like can you take his picture of me? But it's a video and they basically you fucking suck you piece of ship. And so that's why I feel like it is like he had no idea. So there's no context. is to like what this picture is actually even fucking from. Like it could have been from last week, it could have been from a month ago, it could have been from God knows when, or whatever. The fucking event what it was like some kind of event, but some like seventeen years ago. Yeah, and you would never be able to tell because he's had so much fucking work done that it's ridiculous, Um, but also like he's now allowed around a microwave. Parts of his body are too young to get into bars, I'm sure, like I don't know, but pat's say Jack's always just been kind of a piece of ship anyway. Like when you watching before and he's kind of a Douche. I don't really watch in the like. In the last couple of years, especially, like there's been like clips that have gone on from the show where he's just kind of be an ad Dick to the people on the show and everyone's like now it's got everybody kind of thinking back, like you know what, he always was kind of a Dick Hole. Now you can rep the basement lounge out in public by checking out some of the merch that we have available on our website. Just go to tbl pod dot net slash store. That's tbl pod dot net slash store, and check out some of the t shirt and other merch designs we have for you, featuring our logo, some of our favorite bits, as well as a homegrown humor official t shirt as well. Once again, just go to tbl pod dot net slash store and check out some of the cool merch we have there for you now. So I don't know, it's just his personality. I would not shock me at all if you turn out to be like a mega hat or something like that. But I mean you can say that about a lot of those, you know, old white game show hosts. Good, Alex Trembek was. I don't think so. Tract was probably a Bernie. Yeah, he was. He was so a political like in all his interviews and stuff like. It just never came up and no one bothered to ask and he never he never like tried to chime in with any like weird snide comments or anything like that, and he kept that stuff like really close to his chest. I really don't know, but which I think was smart. Oh, absolutely, and I feel like most celebrities need to. I feel like a celebrity once you matter which way you go, left, her right, you're gonna get just ridiculed one way or the other by one side or the other, and you're like you put yourself in a position to where like like fuck, like I just had my opinion on something. Yeah, but as soon as you make it known that you leaned one way or another, you automatically alienate half half the audience. Out of proportion. You see it. You see it the comedy shows all the time. That's why a lot of comics will kind of established that ship early on in their career and then that way there's no question of it later. It's it's when it comes out later that people do. I mean, like you know Louis and Lewis Black is famous for just saying they're all fucking idiots. I hate them all, Um, but you get guys like especially in in in more recent years. Like most, most, not all most, comics tend to be left leaning and also writing anti trump material is kind of just like a fucking gold mine. I mean there's never a shortage of it. And so yeah, I mean, is it weird that most comics are left leaning? That's very that interests me a lot. It doesn't. It doesn't strike me as weird because a entertainment in general tends to be left leaning. Um, because I feel like people who people who lean right tend to be a lot more religious to start off with and I feel like that that gets in the way sometime times of people's faith can get in the...

...way of art sometimes because they find themselves like I don't want to do that it gives, it doesn't, doesn't like a good Christian, that kind of thing. Certain certain art forms are fine, I mean there's Christian metal bands and Christian rock bands and ship like that, but for the most part I think when faith is involved it can be kind of an obstacle. Like it it makes it harder to do the work. Yeah, but also just the idea of Um, I don't know, because typically when you think of like freedom of speech, you know the right tend to be the first ones to cry freedom of speech about stuff and you hear liberals being a bit but so. So I will say that is kind of the weird I think. Yeah, yeah, because it's like it is very odd like people view like in my like my position. People always think I'm like right leaning. Sure what I talk about, but I'm totally left. I'll say this. I think comics tend to be the closest thing to centrists uh out there. I think they're because because most of them are, if you look at it on paper, are gonna look like liberals, but they walk that line just they're they're not afraid to say like, I don't really fit into either one. Like you know certain things about my personality or liberals certain things about my personality. Conservative. They tend to be realists. They look at things for what they are and whether or not they're funny, not whether it's necessarily true, or even a moral like from a moral standpoint, like, like when you're on stage, fucking morals go out the fucking window. You're gonna talk about sucking a dead fourteen year old. I mean it's funny, it's very funny. And then when somebody interrupts me and want to say I fucked that Fort you know it was a good ship. Now, Um, that's very interesting. Is that? That is curiously, because I've met conservative comics and I don't even like the thing is like I don't like so this last go around. Yeah, this last like six years, I guess. I'd say I hate the comics that lean so anti trump, are so pro trump on their stuff that it was their whole personnelity, the whole and I'm like, can you just get over it? Like the Hodge twins. I hate the hodge twins. Do you know who they are? Like they're like Um, the black like just twins. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen them a couple of times. fucking can't stand them. I haven't seen them in recent years, but and I'm like they're so like pro trump, their pro trump. Oh God, but I mean because it's like, oh, these black guys trump and then just making fun of AOC and all that ship and it's just kind of like, but that's like their whole fucking speed stick. I'm like, can you say some fucking jokes? That's that's interesting, because I've seen because the last time I saw them was in likelve or something like that, and their ship was all about, you know, getting high and sucking and all that. So that it's because they knew it would self. See what I'm saying. That's fair. It's a genius marketing is playing there. But we totally get the right on our side and they love us forever. That's fair, because they were in one of the jump street movies. I remember that. So it's kind of like and the whole people that are so anti trump where that's all they make fun of in the material them like well, because then they're not telling because because then it just becomes low hanging fruit. Yeah, at that point, yeah, it just becomes predictable, low hanging fruit and it's it's it's what's the same, the same problem with SNL. SNL is a notoriously liberal but their last ten years, twelve years, have been so just all anti right wing jokes. It's like at this point it's just can you just do something else? So we eat the same thing too oft and you'd get tired of it. And that's what it turned into. So I was always in the mood to you, Pussy. No, you're right. Yeah, when it's you're when it's it's like any comic, when your entire set is one topic, I'm over it. You know whether it's you know, that's why Fox worthy burned out like he did, because it suddenly that was his whole stick was his last special was dogshit. Oh, it was really. It was like so tone deaf and such low hanging fruit, amateur our bullshit, like it was all I'm old and these damn millennials and Yada, Yada, Yada, and facebook this and and it was just the bunch it was. It was so low hanging fruit it was ridiculous. So it's a bummer too because, like I mean, foxworthy in his hey day was the fucking best. I mean he's got a career like he does for a reason. So, yeah, like whether it's him, you know, even people I like, like you know Eliza Schlessinger, who like every time you see your ship nowdays. Okay, it's the same ship. Yeah, with her. Yeah, like Taylor Tomlinson. I like bad her.

She kind of switches it up a bit more and I like her. She does really good with crowd work. But even in her I'm like, okay, you're starting to do a lot of the same ship. Yeah, if you are in or around the Dayton Ohio area and you want to know more about what's going on in the local comedy scene, we have a website for you. Go to www dot gem city comedy dot Com. That's www dot gem city comedy dot Com. We've got profiles on all your favorite local Comedians, as well as a calendar and guide to all the shows going on, whether they're open mics or big headliner shows or showcases or whatever we have in store. You can also submit your own information to the website to be updated within forty eight hours. I run this website myself. It is a passion project of love, so make sure you guys go check that out right now. Go to www dot gem city comedy dot Com to get all the information on the Dayton comedy scene. I think also part sits because a lot of the comics now they want to do like a new hour like every year or two. Oh yeah, and so it's kind of like, Oh God, how do you know? It's like those guys who run marathons every year and they're just training for next year's marathon. And that's what it's become with a lot of comics, is like how quickly kind of put together my new hour set, you know, whereas like, I respect guys like titus who they spend he spends like two or three years working on his next hour, but he is on the road constantly. That's the thing that was like, Um, like Michael said, we brought him up, Stewart Huff, I've never seen he's on a different hour every single time I've seen him like in five years in new five different hours. Yeah, I was like that's and that's hard to be. It's all fantastic. And so you're like it's people don't realize that coming up with an hour's worth of jokes is in a year. In a year is because, I mean Jesus, there are guys I know who will spend a year working on twenty minutes. I'm one of them. I mean an hour is a funny hour, like not just an hour of jokes, and whether they're funny or not be damned. An hour of funny jokes is hard. I saw when I saw John Mulaney, he was doing a brand new hour. Some of it was good, some of it was still needed some work. When I saw Ron White, he was working on a new hour something. A lot of it was really good. Couple of them I was like, but he but both he and Mulaney were smarter to recognize, like okay, that one needs work and they moved on to something else. It's hard and people try. I think that's what's the promised, which is like people you see like like it's not. It's the same jokes. It's just as different written different words, if that makes sense. Same like thing, it's same topics. When I was like, they're just trying to count more ship and so being like the same fucking thing over again. It's really shitty because they're trying and you know they're trying, but they're just trying. Sometimes you have to wait two or three you just perfect that for like two years, two or three years, but also also not their fault, because you have like TV deals and all this stuff, like hey, we need to do this because we need a new hour or whatever, and so they're like, funk, what do I do? Well, and nowadays to be a marketable comic, it's all about content creation. It's can you be marketable on instagram? You know, are your are your reels getting views? And there's that pressure to every time you post something online. Isn't new, it is it sound too derivative of something I've done in the past. I mean, funk, I feel that way, like, like there are other reels I'd like to post, but I'm like, but I've already posted videos doing a joke on the same topic, and do I want to? It's and I'm talking about out of a five minute set, like I shouldn't be thinking that. I should just be like, is it funny? Yah, so it's it's a fucking machine. That's like just I think a comic isn't what being a comic I mean like twenty years ago and ten years ago being a comic. What is is now, because you didn't have, like you said, reels and fucking instant, like you're posting constant videos, constantly. Then you have to worry about people scaling your reels in videos and then itting like I've seen it happen. It happens on Tiktok all the fucking time. There's like Samuel, there's Samurel's tiktok account and then there's like fifty other Samurel, you know, fan accounts that just take his videos and just re fucking post them. It happens on Tiktok and Instagram is your ship, I mean the the your your tweets that have gone viral. People screenshot and clip your ship out and just posted themselves. Guys who go on stage and just quote tweets and memes and shipped from Reddit. I mean it happens all the fucking time. And because it used to be, you know, once it was once. You said it on TV like that's it, it's yours, but nowadays there's there's so much. It's so deluded and so overset. It's oversaturated. That gets term of looking for that. It's like there's there's so it's kind of like with podcasts, I mean, and we host want. There's so many fucking podcasts. Now there's so many podcasts of two comics talking about ship into a microphone. You know, it's it's it's oversaturated,...

...it's, it's, it's what the Hell's going on? I don't know. It's the last show, guys. No, I'm kid, but, like you, gotta find a way to make yourself stand out in some way, and the ones that do do. But also, like that time where they're kind of in the spotlight is a lot shorter nowadays. Oh Yeah, is that constantly looking for somebody else, and it's like what the fuck? Chleszarer was on top of the fucking netflix world for a little bit. Now, I mean, her name does not come up as much anymore. You don't hear people talking about her quite as often. I follow her on Instagram. I barely see her on there anymore, which is kind of a testament to like, yeah, I don't see you as active in my feet anymore as it partially because she's masically made her money, you know what I mean? Also, it's also true. I mean I don't know how much money she's made, but I mean she's selling out theaters across the country. So she's married, got a kid. I mean she's you know, she's kind of hit that point. I think every comic kind of wants to get to where they can just work constantly. And you know, she doesn't have to really change up her set very often. She could do the same set for two years people will still buy the tickets. Yeah, so, and that's and that's any comic at that level. You can take the same show on the river two three years and people will still go to it. Jeff Donham, I mean Jesus, did the same show for like five years. People still went. Poppets man, come come, come, come, come, come, come, come come. That's the secret to comedy. Is just puppets, puppets. It's blows. It just blows my mind because it is a lot of heart. Like you think you will? I don't know. There's so many different avenues and you see what it becomes. Poppylar, like really, yeah, really, that dumb ship. And then like the only reason why that's good anywhere because the chick is semi attractive and she's literally showing her tits. And as there's I have come across quite a few people on Tiktok and instagram whatever who lists themselves as Comedians and I'm like post one stand up clip post one stand up clip there. I can't rember what her name was, but she she followed me. I followed her back. This is years ago, and listed as like, you know, stand up comic, Blah, blah, blah. She had one video from doing the live at the Gotham show. That was it was. It was fine. I mean it wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. It was the only clip she ever posted. Everything else she ever posted on instagram was all bikini picks, you know, at the gym, and I'm like, okay, cool, post some fucking comedy content. That's very annoying. Oh, and they're they're all over the place. There's a lot of guys who do that bullshit to a lot of the male comics. All their pictures are them at the fucking gym or you know, some bullshit like that. I'll be cool. Do you actually tell jokes or like, are you a quote unquote comedian, because you did a couple of open mikes and and that I hate that the most. Yeah, I hate that the whole like, Oh, I got that. They got that picture on stage a couple of times. You know. Yeah, they're like, I'm a comic, no, you're not. You don't know what it's like to travel. Yeah, you don't. You don't. You haven't driven six hours for fifty yeah, uh, you six hours to try out for something. You haven't driven three hours one way, three hours back for three minutes where you couldn't curse at a club with five people in it. Yeah, you've have a crackers huh, like, yeah, don't. Yeah, you haven't. You don't even know. You haven't been in the fun. I was born in the doctors. It's the slow knife that you don't see coming. Yeah, that is very irritating. Yeah, like I'm starting to even view myself as a comic anymore. So I don't go up as I do. I get it. Oh my God, the last the last like five years when I was going up two times a year, trust me, like there was a couped I was where I was like should I just quit at this point? Like what am I fucking doing? Like I've sat there. I'm like I could do thirty, yeah, but like I was working on like forty to fifty right when I when I quit. So I was just like not quit when I had a kid and I was like I'm good with solid, but I'm like it's just about getting that rhythm again, and sucking the rhythm is the hardest part. No, yeah, everything's thrown off, but anyways. No, it is very annoying. The TIKTOK thing does Piss me off because I'm like what, yeah, like seriously, and it's so like I used to post on Tiktok all the time and what I would find was when I would do those the Um the duet, the reaction clips and all that, those would get like gangbusters numbers, but the original content, I suppose I was getting Jack Ship and I just felt dirty. I was like, I feel like I haven't done anything. I have a video of me laughing at someone else's content and that's getting more views...

...than something I actually put time and effort into. Yeah, it makes it makes you feel, it makes you feel gross and I'm just feel like a horror off and coming into a cupcake and feeding it to somebody, and that's got be banned. But me watching myself coming in a cupcake and feeding into somebody got me banned again. You see it on twitch too, because because like they are all those girls who were going on, because because twitch created the uh, the just chatting category for people who did like streams, or it was them. It was always like podcasting, like if you're a podcasting you're like, they have a podcast, or if you were just having a stream where you were just talking to your viewers and doing it like that. Well then you had all these girls who were these basically only fans, girls who needed another fucking outlet. We're going on there. It was them in a bikini in a pool and like, Oh, if you tipped this much, I'll write your name on my tits and stuff like that, and they were getting banned from twitch, because twitch has like strict guidelines on what you can and cannot stream. But these girls, before they were getting banned, were pulling in like a million dollars in donations, to the point where it became so fucking lucrative, because then twitch realized, Oh, we could take a bite of that. So now they've created the like pool time category that you can list your stream under. So now it's just all fucking chicks and bikinis sitting in pools and and and just that. That's the stream and they're pulling in millions of views and millions of dollars, and I'm like, who can compete with that so also says how pathetic the males a little bit. Yeah, no, we're we're fucking sad. Like where. I mean again, comes up on the show all the time. Only fans still exists. Okay, but seriously, I mean that's yeah, I don't know. Uh. It's the point where it's like when, how do you compete with that? And like, and I'm all for like people who are professional sex workers and all that. Like, make your money. As long as you're hurting people, I could give a fuck, but like, there's no it's to the point where, like there are the people who were know where you're trying to put your content at. Like, if you want to do that, just do it. I'm fucking only fans. was so I knew a comic. I know a comic. We're a friends. We're friends on facebook and we did like a show. I don't remember how we met. We did like a show together. She she's funny. It's actually really funny. But then like she's got to like only fans and now she's like a top one percent creator, rely on only fans, and you're like that's all she does. Now, make your money. I mean, I don't even want to know how much she pulls. Well, I'm like sitting there. I'm like that's a like you were. And that's the thing. I mean, good for her. It's in a way like she's making great money out of it, but it's like you went from like doing comedy to like in Boston to like now you live in Florida doing only fans. That's all she does. It's not always Florida. I tax. Yeah, that actually makes a lot of things. And like I was watching, like she was having out like Jake Paul one time and all this ship like I remember when you were literally not hanging out. She happened, he happened to be in the same still gross, and I sitting there and like, how did you go from being comedy? There's this like, first of all, what got you start? I think what got started. I think what it was. She lost her job during the pandemic, actually her actual job. If that happened to a lot a lot of women switched over to doing only fans during the pandemic because they were stuck at home nothing to do. I needed to make money. I get it. It's a supplying demand. Oh, yeah, for sure, but, but, but, I guess my point is like okay, like like the girls in the in the Pikinis and the pools and all that on twitch. I'm like, there are other places you can go to do that. Why does it have to be on the video game streaming play, like, like why they're but byas twitch, I have to make money off because you know what I mean, right. It's just like, oh, wait a second. Well, it's like what only fans was talking about banning nudity and I was like, okay, so you're just you're planning on shutting down your website then, because that's I know. That's not why only fans was created. That's what only fans is now. It's like the people who get shocked when someone like is sending like nudes over like snapchat, and like you get that's why snapchat was created, right. It's pretty much snatched. Like the whole reason it was created was because, you know, people were sexting and sending nudes and then they were getting leaks, so they created an apple. You send a picture, they can't screenshot. If they do, they get they get whatever and it goes away after you look at it like that. It's created for sending tip pics. I'm sorry, nothing else, and if you think I'm wrong, you are fucking delusional. I thought it was for filters. You are so, I mean now, yeah, it is. And also all the women who are doing that and post those pictures on fucking dating APPs. fucking stop it. Sometimes life can keep the raw...

...deal, and that's where dope comes in. Dope provides edible cookie dough in a variety of flavors and styles for you, delivered to your house deliciously and intact. Dope also donates a portion of every sale to this she recovers foundation with a minimum guaranteed donation of forty thousand dollars every year. She recovers as a nonprofit charity with a mission to connect, support and empower women in or seeking recovery. You can also use the code T B L Zero five, T B L Zero five to get five dollars off your order at checkout. Once again, just go check out dope at www dot dope dot com, that's www dot d o u g HP DOT COM, and use the code T B L oh five to get five dollars off your order at checkout. All the women who are doing that and post those pictures on fucking dating APPS fucking stop it. Does that happen to all of the time? Do you have a date a couple of weeks ago? Yeah, it didn't go well. I mean, unless you don't want to talk, it just it was just, it was just boring. It was she was very boring. It was like trying trying to get a conversation out of her was like trying to squeeze water out of a rock. And I drove the Columbus to meet this Jack. Yeah, we gone out twice. The first time we went out was was fine. We went to this place in Columbus called sidebar. It's like an appetizer plate. It was fucking delicious, like Holy Shit, and it was. It was fine. That we went to. We went to that. There's like a barcade. We went to it was fine and I tried to see if she would come down for the second day. She's like, I don't really like want I want. I don't really driving to dat and I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna be driving to Columbus every time we want to fucking hang out like. So I went up metaphor drinks. It was boring, it was dull. We we we said bye after like an hour and a half and I was like this was worth my time. So, oh well, dating, dating, things, dating and dating in your thirties sucks. Yeah, I couldn't imagine. I couldn't. The filters would be fucking the filters would be killers. It's fucking annoying when I because every other girl I see on on these fucking APPS, and I'm on all of them, when you go through their pictures, it's like, oh, he's with the doggy face, here's me with it. It's like, okay, I don't I don't care. But also, by the way, if you're gonna do that, though, ladies, I will say there is an option to take the picture and then download it to your phone. Most of Y'all take the picture and then screenshot snapchat, so I see all the fucking edit icons and ship in your picture and that just looks dumb way to let me know you don't know how to use a fucking cell phone. By the way, H God, that's fucking funny. I would not want to date like if I mean Melissa got divorced. First off, I mean if we did have some child support, but second Um, I gotta even wanted. I would be like today, right now, because, I mean and her mat it was just like literally, it was literally I was just something to do. So I was just kind of like you still are. Yeah, but it's kind of like alright, like she didn't take it go anywhere. I honestly I didn't think it would go anywhere and we had a great conversation, but that was just like I was like five years ago. I don't even want to know. It's kind of the deal breaker for me too, though, like, if we can't hold a fucking conversation, this is not gonna go. We talked, we just talked on film all the time. Now we don't even look at each other. Why do you need to? You put the baby inter that's it. That's it. Job Done, job done. I came in your Puss Puss to come became a person, came in. You see, that's part of the reason why you couldn't date again. It's because you call it a puss pus. Can't come in your puss pus. What's that mean? Can I make good up? I took you maybe lick the clip beforehand, until I until I cream pie, I mean oatmeal Pie. It's like, can I come in your US puss and throw some otemeal down there. It's like you find out the guy speaks terrible English and actually meant like something totally innocent when it just sounded just what we called orange. When I say I want to what I think, when he meant when you sorry, flipped to the translation book, what I meant to say was Uh Kenvil, I'm not a rapist. But you know what, I'm not going to finish that joke. YEA, we were. We were all on the back, just like, dude, commit to it or don't do it like it was. His biggest problem was he pussed out on it. fucking PUSS, Puss, puss down on it. Jesus, now I just dating, God, dating in your thirties. Yeah, the other thing I see too much of on these dating APPs nowadays is it's couples. They create like a profile, but it says like we're I'm actually married and we're looking...

...for a third and I'm like, get the fuck out of here. It's so common nowadays I feel like it's Oh, it's very I mean, yeah, and I got a problem with opener. I'm not personally a fan of being in one, but if you're in one, I could give a ship. Get off the fucking dating APPS, though. I'm trying to find a person. Fuck, I gotta buy you both gifts. Well, and and it's always, it's always a couple looking for another girl. It's never, yeah, so, because of course. But yeah, yeah, it's just I couldn't imagine. It's it's it's hell and and just online dating in general has has created just this weird sense of entitlement with people. I mean, I told you I did um with the income thing. Oh, yeah, I still like the still as most of them nowadays. Don't have that as a thing on your profile anymore. I think plenty of fish is the only one that still does. Plenty of fish is like the bottom of the garbage. Oh, plenty of fish is like so you want to have your your identity, soul and like that's why you're on this APP. Is You want to have someone through your credit card number. I remember I used to use that long time ago when it first came out, and it's actually decent. Oh it was. When it first launched, it was the ship, yea, and now I don't even want it's I can see its like it was like the walking dead. Just, man, it's yeah, and then the one that I still don't think is like the people who created bumble or idiots, because bumble is the one where, if you match with someone, the the woman has to make the first movie and they have twenty four hours to do that. Otherwise it just it, just and I'm like yeah, no, that's never gonna happen. That's just that's not gonna happen. I've actually matched with people on bumble more than any other any APP I've ever used. Never once have had any of them actually like initiate the conversations. So Weird. Yeah, I get at least at least one match a week on bumble. They never they never initiate conversation. That's weird and it's like I almost want to be like like right, bumble, like, do you actually tell them they have to? I don't think they actually understand that. I wish. I wish I was single during the tender phase, though. That's why I wish. It grates on your self esteem, it really does, and mine's already pretty shitty. I just I never I never did it. I never did it, like I was never single one that was like a big thing. So I always wanted like to be like Huh, how bad everything would have been? Stds I would have got. You know what I mean. I wonder, like what? What lowest of the low? I wonder somebody looking. I guess most of the time when I match with someone on like tinder or something, it's one of those like I'll get the notification of my phone like you matched with someone, and I'll be like okay, and I would just wait because nine times out of ten, within five minutes that match disappears, which tells me it's either a bot or I was an accidental right swipe. Yeah, Um, how bots are on that? Oh My, you start when you when you when you've been stuck in the online dating whirlpool as long as I have, you start to pick up on you, start to know what you start to see the red flags. Well, here's the thing. That too, like I did online dating for a while because, basically, a lot of times, whenever I met somebody my onim relationships, I've been through online dating. Damn what, I were broken up or whatever, I go back to it. Um, I've seen like the same people. When I go back, I'm like, yeah, you haven't you're still here. Oh Yeah, I I've definitely come across like some people who are like, I have seen you before on another APP or on here and you've just like created a new account and pop back up in the rotation or something. Oh yeah, it's at the resort, like the replacements, like the movie that just it's really fuck. It's just like, Jesus, I love that movie. It's like, but that is like a weird thing that you see. You see the same people and you're like, Oh, you're still single. So Oh, yeah, life can't be that bad. I guess you're still here. So yeah, no, there are certain things you just kind of know. You should just start to notice trends. And a lot of these BOT accounts, all because it's all auto generated to find out to fill out some formats. So I have found that most commonly, and and and this is just from years of experience on on these fucking Apps, I have found that the majority of the time that the girl in the pictures is Asian, it's a Bot. And I'm not saying that there are no Asian women on these dating APPs. I'm saying in my experience, every time I see a girl on these APPs that is Asian, it is almost always a Bot, because the minute you swipe right on it, you match and it's all immediately just clearly auto generated messages. Yeah, that that are vague...

...or are or are like Oh, I, you know, just moved here and something, something, something, and trying to get you to get off the off the APP to like another website or some bullshit, or let's email or what's your tech cell phone number? Some ship like that. They always and it's but what I've noticed is it tends to be the same pool of these are probably girls who are like traffic or some bullshit like that, because it's the same pictures on all of them, you see. So yeah, there's you start to notice it like that, or just trends with certain accounts. Boys want what tender? I always want to do facebook dating. So I heard it's that bad. I didn't know facebook had a dating, dating, thing, dating thing. I think it's called sex offender. Oh, ship, they do. Yeah, I heard some people say that's it's fucking rough. Oh you will no ship. Oh God, that's that's fucking weird. That's fucking weird. I just have it. Oh, when it tells me I have a mutual friend with these people, Oh God, ah no, I don't need that more.

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