ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Why is a dog show part of Thanksgiving? Why does the poodle always win? How did John O'Hurley get mixed up in all this?
This week, Mike & Mike talk about:
- The National Dog Show
- The coming COVID-19 vaccine
- The problem(s) with online dating
Support the show on Patreon:
More info on our website:
Thanks for listening! Tell your friends!
Season 2, Episode 8 · 1 year ago
SHARE THIS EPISODE
Season 2, Episode 8 · 1 year ago
Why a Dog Show on Thanksgiving?
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Why is a dog show part of Thanksgiving? Why does the poodle always win? How did John O'Hurley get mixed up in all this?
This week, Mike & Mike talk about:
- The National Dog Show
- The coming COVID-19 vaccine
- The problem(s) with online dating
Support the show on Patreon:
More info on our website:
Thanks for listening! Tell your friends!
The following program is brought to youfrom the Basement Lounge podcast studio. For more information, go to basement loungepodcom. Past to really make train back as big it was in the movies. Yeah, it's comed. He's not doing anything, but I love Ilove movies, man. That's I mean. I was always that guy wh wouldgo to the movies by myself. I didn't give a shit as also, back when movie tickets like five bucks, so fucking expensive. Yeah, well, again that's studios taking all the fucking money, man. Yeah,I was talking to was kind to somebody to day and they're thinking, likewhat do you think is going to have? What do we think's going to happen, like with movie theaters and Shit, and after like the pandemics over,and I think it's it's got to come back, I mean because thetheater industry didn't just pop up out of nowhere like it had to. Aspeople want, like we were talking, we want to get a moveors fraidto go to movie. Yeah, I know they're dropping the new wonder womanon Hbo Max on Christmas, which I'm like, I'm yeah, I wantto see it. I would rather watch that in the theater you know,but I think we might see happen is kind of go back to like whatthey were doing like in the s and s, where like going to themovies was like an events, like you got dressed up and there was thethe aim of the B movie in the a movie and kind of like howlike drive in still do. It might see a bit of return to that, I mean Nice. Also. The studios just got to work on theirrelationship with the theaters, though, because this this whole taken a hundred percentof ticket sale and, you know, force in theaters to skyrocket their popcornprices just to stay open. They might have to do some really negotiating aftereverything set in on figure something out. Yeah, because both want to surviveand, quite frankly, studios aren't going to survive. They won't be ableto continue to make the kind of money they want without a movie theater.Yeah, they try. They tried this year, you know. The closestthey got was trolls too, and they got a little impulsive after that likesay, oh well, going for will just drop all our movies vod in. The theaters were like that's not okay. Yeah, yeah, fucking do thatto us, man I just can't wait for her. They go backto the normal. Yeah, I mean, well, I guess there's like threevaccines out or some shit. Yeah, two or three. I think Isaid the first one should be rolling out by the end of the month. It kind of kind of Larry on it all those still yeah, iffouchy wasn't, like I said, foul, she's been kind of given these thethumbs up, so I'm a little more comfortable with it. Just tasteforever for usually a vaccine to be good. Yeah, like, but it's alsobut I also look at it as like, when's the last time wehad to like hardcore big of vaccine? Oh, yeah, that's I wastalking I came here host time aount and which makes sense. It's just likeone of those things, just like like we did even take a year todevelop this. Yeah, and it's like why it's on one hand, again, that's really quick, but also like it is two thousand and twenty.Yeah, I mean, I have seen I am legend. Yeah, it'sthat poor dog every time. Like I don't even know, like apparently Isupposed to hand it out. It's supposed to go to medical professionals, medicalpersonnel first and then like at risk, like higher risk, like elderly,and beforehand. Yeah, and then I think they said general public might becloser to spring of next year, like April May. Very Gray. It'sI remember when this I'll started. I turned my wife was like yes,good, gonna last for like a year or two. Oh, yeah,and she like didn't believe me. I was like no, like you haveto mentally prepare for what's going to happen, and she's like, stuff like thisis not like a couple months, it's Ezake here and she's like andshe started crying because I was like I was trying to be a Dick,but I was just like this is like, if you look at all this,that this is how this works. Yeah, this wasn't like swine flu, which is kind of went away, or fucking you know, the bowlof scare, which was kind of went away. Like this was this wasbig. I mean this was you don't see this. This is kind ofthing you read about history books. Oh yeah, well, before I left, my wife was like somebody that she...
...graduated high school with, her exher exces, and her husband died of from covid yesterday. I was likeGod, he's like the thirty five. I think she's not there to say. I don't know how old he was, but I'm assuming they were brought inthe same age. So between me, thirty five and forty. That's whatI'm going to say. And I'm like, what the fucking in Pairs? I did he have like any like pre existing yeah, nope, socrazy, like just that young. Nothing wrong with I'm just well, Iknew it was weird. At the beginning of the pandemic, I had togo to my doctor and my doctor just to felt my prescription because I'm acomic. I money and I did pressents because I'm a comic. Yeah,that's what we do. And and I was like a sh it's gonna getbad. So I want to get this prescription philled up. Yeah, andthere's two things. I knew why I was going to be bad. Firstoff, my doctor wasn't there. What's just fine, whatever, like I'vedealt with other people in the past. Yeah, but the it was likeanother doctor in nursepress. You can't remember what who it was. I can'tremember what she was like, well, you're thirty five, you should beokay. Oh, if you get it. Oh, and now I was likenets some thirty four US, thirty four. You should be could.I just turned three. If she's like you should, and when she saidshould, I was like fuck, this is serious. And then they gaveme they usually only getting a prescription for like three months. They gave mea prescription for a year. Holy really filled for my prescription for a year, and that was the second time. I was like this is serious.Yeah, they're waiting for something like, Oh my God, yeah, theygave me the ninety day. Actually was my I had just gotten my refillbefore everything really hit the fan, and then my then Kety behavioral called meand they were like so you want to go ahead and get like a anotherthree months to have it on the safe side, and I was kind oflike, how fucked are we going, y'all? Not Okay, we're thatfucked? Yeah, Huh. She said should, and I was like andthen when I saw like how long, I was like what the fuck?I was I had just gotten back from, I'm from a concert in Cleveland andit was sitting at the station and I got to the work at thestation and everybody was already like they were had like here's your here's this letterfrom the state that you have to have in your car because they were puttingin the curve. Here's a play, here's a press pass have in yourcar so you can be out driving and not get bothered. I got acut. I was hosting Trivia and I got a call from the the TRIVAcompany, like yeah, they're closing down the bars, so you're not goingto be hosting again for a while. Like everything happened like in a night, just all once, and it's been like this ever since this warm itwas march. I just I missed going, like I don't even go out paired. I missed doing comedy, but like I miss hanging out with myfriends. I got even like there's an open Mike last night. I knowI got I want to it, but on my head I'm thinking like Idon't want to go to an open mic just to risk getting sick right now. Yeah, I'm just gonna especially like when the end is like kind ofin it's inside, like there's you can see a glimmer, a light atthe end of the tunnel. Yeah, to get it now you've made itthis far. Yeah, I was even all my mom when we had thethe we had when my family had a bit of a covid scare of thispast week. It's like you imagine, like making it this far and thengetting it now, Oh yeah, or fucking awful. Be like well thefuck, like it's like a kick to the balls. Well, just gotmy little my little brother, uses student up at Kent. It's got himso scared. I mean he has been paranoid about this since day one.He didn't want to have to go back to campus. He doesn't he doesn'tlike having to rely on the common sense of other people. Know, yeah, because nobody has it in case and point in, his fucking roommate testedpositive but then didn't tell him and then ere he was around his mom,who tested positive, didn't tell my brother that he was going to get testedbecause he'd been around someone it was positive, and then called my brother after mybrother just gotten back from fucking campus for the rest of the semester.It was like hey, by the way, I tested positive. My brother waslike when did you get tested? Oh, we could go. Yeah, couldn't have said something. Yeah.
So he was freaking out all thispat all last week. I got his got his negative results the morning ofThanksgiving. But yeah, just like he's so over all of this. Everybodyis ED. Just Hmm, just one of those things. Just you can'trely on people to do to not to be the responsible person. I willsay what was awesome about this weekend was, you know, I work in retailand we were busy Friday, black Friday. Right, yeah, butit was like a normal Saturday. It was like a normal Friday or Saturdayand like normal circumstances, like right. So I'm like okay, because we'vebeen slow as shit those days and like I was like, oh, thisis exactly like, you know, Friday or Friday or Saturday. Will werekind of busy, like awesome. Saturday we weren't busy. Sunday weren't busy. So people are I think people like went out. We were like allright, well, we got the deals, we're not going to go out shoppinganymore. Type thing. Yeah, which kind of showed me that maybepeople are starting, I mean, I know people are taking it seriously.People like really starting to take us. Yeah, we went. So wewent. We went bar hobbin Saturday. It was like middle of the dayBar Hobbin. Now, granted, Saturday was like small business Saturday, likedowntown and and we're gone. This was packed. There was a line atthe door for like feathers and heart work ntile and nice and loonas and allthat, which is which is great. You know, those guys are strugglinghard. But like the you know, that was the most out and aboutI'd been in nine months and I remember got home that night was like teno'clock and I was like, I'm fucking exhausted. Yeah, because I hadbeen out doing shit for the first time and God knows how long I startedgoing. When I start going out for comedy again, like I'm going tobe fucking Jesus. I am not been like I'm not looking for it tobe like on the road again. It's like we're all have it. We'reall doing like a factory reset on our bodies right now. Oh my God, Oh, I think I did in the summer. I had like alike six shows and one week or five or six shows and I was likefucking exhausted. MMM, but it's going to be like, you know,when you're first starting and you're hitting all the shows, but you're new andyou kind of gives you like this rush that you're not used to now we'reall fucking old, so we're just going to be tired and cranky. Theycan't do that. Can't do this like I did when I was fucking younger, before covid if work. God Shit, no, it's it's gonna be interesting, it's gonna be wild. I'm in. Justus see how everything goes. Yeah, a few months. I'm just see if, like the FDAofficially says, or whatever they're trying to do, say, brought it tothe FTA, the vaccine like to FTA, they had to hit a certain thresholdbefore they would they would fully approve it, which I think is kindof what they're waiting on at this point. Gotcha, it has to hit likea like I think, like a nine s seven percent success rate beforethey'll improve if officially stamp it. Yeah, I think. And I think theywere sitting at like ninety five last time I checked. Yeah, soit's we're close, close, but no cigar. Yeah, as my daddysay, close only counts and horse shoes and ha grenades. So not pullingout. Yeah, I just don't want another year this bullshit. It's alsoone of those things that it's kind of the elections, like I'm started talkingabout it. Well, I think I was a too like and I thinkwhen people start actually caring more, people start caring about it. Isn't like, wait, it didn't disappear after the election. Yeah, like, noshit, it wasn't going to. You fucking idiots, but go back towatch an OA and you cos it's fine. Yeah, it wasn't ever going togo anywhere. I think everybody if it first, it seemed like theyweren't talking about it as much. will no shit, because the election justfucking happened. Yeah, we've been talking about covid. We know COVID's goingon. We don't need to talk about it for still be here. That'sI guess. That's like a fire that's...
...still burning in the background, likeit's yeah, it was. So why aren't you talk about the fire?Because that fires not going anywhere. It's there. We're talking about this otherthing right now. That's that was a fucking thing about election weekau is likeyou're like Manus, everything was taking so long. You know, I keptvote counting and then like the in your back your mind, like they're stillcovid, like I want like fuck, like you're watching, like the electionwas bad. But like they're still covid. What's worse? And that's all Iget I could think about. So, Huh, yeah, this is election. Shit's crazy, but they're still all fuck. There's COVID. Yeah, because there, because every night the news the top story was something,something, election results. Our next story. Another hundred Fiftyzero people died today.It's like, Oh, yeah, that is still a thing. Andthen, damn, like they expect like what, three hundred K by theend of years, something like that. They're talking to because we're already ofover two hundred, two hundred and seventy, I think. Are we that high? Fuck it, I keep track of it. Let's see here,because I'm a Dick like that. Yeah, not really Dick. COVID deaths andit comes up immediately when I tepn CEO. They haven't updated for today. Hundred and sixty nine. That two hundred and sixty nine thousand. Rightnow. They haven't updated for you're we're about to peek again. Yeah,because we still got another. Well, in two weeks it's going to goback up. Yeah, after after Thanksgiving and and then Christmas new years willbe up at three cabin and a year. It's just sad I the one thathas me the most borious New Year's Eve. Yeah, that's a bigparty one. Yeah, you know, hey, I don't know what's goingto go on as far as, like, you know, programming wise with television, but all that aside, yeah, people party on New Year's if therewas one, if there was one day of the year, if theysaid you had to get rid of every other party day of the year,we had to keep one, everybody would keep New Year's. Yeah, Imean look a fucking downtown New York. Every year people were diapers to standin one spot for an entire fucking night. Did you watch the fucking Masi's Dayprede this year? It was a joke as so fun as a fuckingjoke. The fucking rockhets even phoned it in. Yeah, just put onthe little fucking tin soldier uniforms, just kind of marched really slowly. It'sso funny as like watching like a parade for can jumpon nobody. there.was like watching trump's inauguration, like yeah, there's nobody fucking there, or hisfucking campaign rally, the Tick Tock's avotage, what's back, which wasglorious. Yeah, honestly, I give I give way more shit about thefucking dog show that I do the parade because I like dogs way more thanI like yeah, like, I never watched it. I never watch apared. I specifically watch prey just so I can make fun of it inlife tweet at the entire house. So bad. Oh my God, Iwas joking. My mom was you can always tell when we can always tellwhen somebody on the float is actually singing because you can't get hear them.There's nobody fucking there. And I was like who is this even for atthis point, like this is a lot of money and a lot of timeand work and investment for nobody. Just bad, so fucking bad. Theywatch a dog show. I watch the Dogs I love. Pretty high bythen I was pretty fucking high with crashing. It was over the dog show.They had the cardboard cutouts and yeah, I did see like I didn't seethat during the because I was too fucking high, but I saw picturesabout it. I was like, that is sterical. One of them was. One of them was you watched Brooklyn and ninety nine? Yeah, Iknow WHO's in it. Every it was. It was the captain with his dogwas one. Oh, really, fucking yeah, I love that Shitwith the fucking poodles. Why does a poodle got to win every fucking year? Man, is that? Who Want it? They won their they didn'twin the overall, but they won their division. I was like, everyfucking year. It's just weird fucking white. Why a dog show on things gay? I don't know. Well, because they because they tape it monthsahead of time till it's only it's even...
...live. I didn't know that.Yeah, you should be sponsored by you can even dog food. Now Ithink it's just like the Humiane society and Shit. But so they can keepthe guy from Seinfeld employed at this point, because it's all he fucking does ishost at every fucking year. Does he really? It's the guy youplayed a lane's boss. I am likeing on his name. He's the he'sthe host of it every year for like as long as I've been alive.Shit the pit. They am a hundred million. I'm sure it really makesmore doing that than he does on Seinfield or royalties too. Shit is itnow? We watched I watch part of that. I remember then instant family, which I recommend is a good movie. If you're not. If you're notand you know it's fucked up, I still have not been the impostor. You still haven't a fucking imposter. I'm fucking among us. I've beenthe imposter so many times. I'm I'm the worst fucking imposter ever. Iterrible. Time again, whatever, somebody accuses me, I'm just like no, nope, not me agree, just exit out the game. Fine,fuck it. You guys. When I like the I like to go intothe chat and just and just be a fucking troll and as fuck with people. I still haven't been the fucking apop. I don't know how many hands upa fucking what. I don't know if I have a like as theresetting you can hit the never in poster, because I feel like if there is, I mean I don't think so, but I yeah, ben't. I'vebeen the imposter a lot. I just I'm terrible at it. Didyou fucking what we're able, when you work the studio with the reable towatch the Mike Tyson fight? Did they have that? I watched. Iwatched the highlights of it the earlier today. How fucked up the Nate Robinson gethit. I Jake or Chop Paul, like Oh, held him. Thefuck. I was like, you know you got hit hard when that'sall anybody's talking about. When it's first time Mike spot in fifteen years,nobody's talking about Mike Tyson in the fight. They's all about the guy got ashit cocked. Damn. Like I didn't why I saw the me.I was like fuck, I saw the hit. I was like, HolyShit, Oh my God, apparently I felt it. Jake Paul or whatever. I actually trains boxing. Oh really, yeah, I didn't. What ifI was rewatching? I was like, okay, like because I first sawI don't like the Paul Brothers. I think their troll douchebags. Butis this long as this is Logan Ball's brother? Yeah, Oh, FuckLogan Paul. Well, he did. He did stick up for Harry styles. What the fuck it do? And he did stick up for it.Stuck up for something like black lives matter stuff too. What the guy's afucking troll and a Dick. But I was like uh, like it's thefirst and Pike only time I'll ever agree with us from he's from Westlake.Is He really from Westlake Ohio? And so I was watching the brother andI was like Holy Shit, like I did might tie and kick and mytime person in Jiujitsu and I was like I took boxing lessons. See,I was away a seconds. Guy Actually knows how like the box. LikeI was watching, like I was like, Oh, apparently that's all they do, like he does anyways, because because Logan Paul did a fight withsomeone last year, the year before, it was in for charity and gotfucking annihilated. Yeah, he's done a couple of those, like like charityfights. Well, they Robinson, is never fought in his life or whatever, boxed. I was like, fucking Jesus. Well, you could tellif you watch the shit he fought. He fought what's his name, KSIsay. It was him of his brother. He was KSI versus Logan Paul anddead g versus Jake Paul. Take it big off, fine. Theygot big on Youtube, as Youtube because because Logan Paul went to like that, the suicide forest in Japan. I...
...remember that. That's what got himin trouble. So it was also he was just famous for doing being afucking vlogger on Youtube. I didn't know that it's a fucking I thought wasvine or you know? Yeah, they started, you're right, started onvine and then they went to but youtube was kind of where they could.After vine went away, they moved to Youtube. They've stayed the fuck offtick tock as far as I know, which is fine, but you doand make a big amount of money. Yeah, they're fine. I'm sorryUS Tick Tock now because I like it, but it's really good at editing videos. It is. It's pretty. It's for a for a free mobileAPP, like you can do some pre impressive shit. Yeah, video productionwise on there very impressive. I was like, Huh, I can editthis super fucking fast. Yeah, because I've got a couple of editing APPson my phone, I. Because I have adobe sweet, so I havelike premier Russian stuff, and then they're fine. But yeah, you cando way more on on Tick Tock. I just want to I don't understandtick tock and I seldom understand it. That that how has you got anymore views on that video, like the one that was huge? So Iso so quick story. So that one is now up to, I'm goingto get the exact number here, ten billion. It's like over seven hundredthousand. That's awesome. But then so there was one that I did earlierthis year. It was it's an eight, I'm sorry, eight hundred and twentyfour thousand. But I did one that was poking fun at Dragon Forceback in like April, and it was me tending to be the singer ofDragon Force, like what does he do during these like Really Long Guitar Solos? And it's like music, standing there like I go, he'd look aplate of food, like I'm sitting like that, as I remember that videosfunny. So it got like fifty, Fiftyzero views when I posted it.So apparently the guitarist for dragon forced her Joint Tick Tock, Uh Huh,and found the video and do wetted it, like showing his reaction to the video, and it's gained like another twentyzero views. And let's twenty four hours, because my first time like, Holy Shit, hermanly like the video,but now it's fucking blow it up to I've a ideos funny I'm actually prettyfucking proud of, and then I post, I posted last night. I'll occasionally, like I'll catch people like stealing like comedy bits and using them andlike for their own videos and shit. So then I'll and they'll go viral. So then I'll post the actual comedy clip to my tick Tock and belike yeah, you didn't, you didn't start this like jams. One was. One was the Robin Williams like at the for at the Last Supper,where they're like one of you will betray me and Peter says it me Jesusand Jess his nos, not you, Peter and Simon said, is itmeet Jesus? And Jesus knows, not you. Simon and Juda said,is it me Jesus? and Jesus said, is it? Mean? He didn't? Now are they lip syncing him? Are Do no, there it's likethey're just doing the bit like it's their own. Oh my God.And so then I posted the Robbie Williams clip and everybody was like, Ohyeah, I forgot about that. I'm Beau. First fucking live and Broadwayspecial. Not Forget about it. And it was twelve. You just watchedit. There's one where somebody like did the the Ron White, like we'reall gay, like do you watch porn? Things? Like post of that Cliband then somebody else was talking about like it's like there's so many differentways to describe bad words and there's more ways to describe bad words and thereare bad words. And I was like, George Carlin, one thousand nine hundredand seventy eight in the round, posted that clip, but it's alreadygot like like tenzero fucking videos, like I feels the comedy specialifed fucking seenit. People is Bullshit. Can just steal people's you'll see where they're like. They'll steal memes, like they'll take the concept of a meme and like, oh my fucking idea. I think I told you about the guy Ibusted who was ripping off Pablo Francisco. The one time. I don't fuckaround people. I best like I didn't bust comic first tire standing person andI was like that's a really good joke. I mean it was like a firsttime I ever saw him and we've been doing it not that long.Might have been like one first or second time up right. He's like yeah, and I that was him. Yeah, that's a meme my soul, andI was like, Oh, you can't, you can't do that.He's like why not? It's not okay, it's not yours. She's like okay, you know, I'm sorry with it, but but like now,just like like what I don't and I...
...can't stand as people who do prankvideos online. Yeah, but they are always taking other people's Prank. Yes, like, that's not it's your idea. Yeah, come up with an originalprank. Yeah, yeah, not a big fan of prank videos tobegin with, but I was just annoying to me, I guess, likethe ones I hate more is when it's a prank video but it's obviously staged. Oh, yeah, for sure, because because none of Y'all can act. Yeah, the girl that she like duct tapes the bowl of flower tothe to the counter. Honey, can give me that bowl? Oh,you want this one right here? Okay, sure, thing, Babe. Whatthe flower of the face? Fuck you, she's getting fucked by somedude. That's the real prank. You Got Flower over your face. Igot Dick in my bad because the bowl the face. Some naked dude witha wash cloth overs dick runs away real quickly. fucking distraction, a fuckingNinja Star. Shit, no, I just prank videos. fucking PISS.I did do it. I did record one prank video. Was it wasI was I was. It wasn't really praying video as a reaction video.I had my wife sitting there. I was her reaction is scare movie,and I told her I gave her hurt pies. I'm just joking. Thereally fuck it up, H I've always want to do that too, though. I gave you her what. That always makes me think of the FamilyGuy Bit. We're Billie. He's like it's called for her boyfriend, Joanie. I got back at my results back from the doctor today. I haveherpes. You should get yourself tested. Okay, will you stay, Joani? What? Will you stay with me, knowing that I have her bees?Yes, I will, joony. I don't have herpes. I justwanted to know that you would stay, and then like some fucking Sarah mclachlinsong please in the background. I know exactly what you're talking about. That'sso funny shit. I just want to know you'd stay. I have AIDS. That's how you really spun. That's how you fucking really fuck e beenwriting any commulately, but trying, man. I had a couple ideas of jotteddown, but nothing like promising it. Fuck it. Look such a fuckingSchmuck it happens. I'm not doing it. It's well, yes,it's really hard to write. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not doing anything, even what I've been doing it. I got back on tender again.So we'll see what fucking for Dick was vicariously through me way my Dick wasvicariously through you. We'll see. Man, I've been laid my ears. Hesaid you gotta have sex that have herpes. Man, I've been latein five years. Yeah, yeah, at some point it. It's odds. It's got to happen at some point, but each like dating APP wise.Like, I've never did tender. I've tried tender bumble. Okay,cupid. I tried match, like I loold. I tried like matcheny harmonyat one point, dude, just like the legit ones you got to payfor. That's how me and my wife man was match really yeah, neverhad any luck ever. I was literally something for her to do. Quote, that's what she said, but never she never thought we'd get married.That's fuck the that's fucking funny. She was really bored. She's getting hermaster's degree and she just wanted something to do. Yeah, I was like, sexually, she's like no, not sexually, Alice, somebody, andI was. I own that. We're married right now. The biggest probablyrun into is so many, so many accounts on all these APPs nowadays.Aren't even their body accounts, saying well, they're a their BOT accounts, andthen they're also, it's a lot of polly couples who are looking forsomeone else to tea play with and it's like yeah, now, I'm good, I'm good. I don't know, I don't know. I don't wantto fuck you while your husband watches from the closet wearing a superman tshirt,like I'm good, but the flash is...
...okay, flash fine, superman notso much. I don't you know, I don't need to like hear himscream. Know that he's in there jerking off while I fuck you and thenhe screams up up in a way as he comes, like it's a fun. Yeah, it's a lot of BOT accounts, a lot. It's alot of polly couples and it's just also, I've had people people like are sojust like like bitchy on those things, like they're like, instead of sayinglike something like bragging about themselves, they'll be like I'm not here forX Y Z, so if you are, just swipe on left to keep goingart. Fuck you. Also, I want to throw the throw throwthis out there to all the women who are single MOMS on dating APPs.Having a kid is not a personality. Yeah, like, I can't tellyou how many of them are. Like it's like, you know, likeif you go like, okay, cubid, you got to fit like all thedifferent sections, and all of them start with why are the kids soor like everything about them is just the fact that they have kids. Idon't care that you have a kid, but that's all you have going foryou, I don't care to know you. Yeah, like that's if that's yourwhole personality, is the fact that you have kids. Like you havedeeper seated issues than I care to deal with. Yeah, you're probably amazingin bed, though. They left. That's true. Crazy. I've beenLarry about on his joke as like diet is so hard has the word diein it, and sex can be so bad. It has the word xand it's like a buddy. Yeah, yes, how great can either ofthem really be? Yeah, both. I just eat a pizza and jerkoff called. They that sounds like a fucking fantastic haven't done that since thismorning. I would never say haven't done that in a couple of hours.Right. What you were saying. Clad I missed the dating like I neverreally did. I got on tender not because I was trying to look foranybody. I literally was trying to write a joke about tender. Oh really, yeah, I don't like. I got here because I've never done tenderbefore and never write and then by every has a tender joke. So Idecided to scrap it. I said I had two throw Tis my girlfriend.I time my my wife was my girlfriend's. I was like, listen, likeI have a tender APP on my phone. I was a you cantotally go through it if you want to. I am not talking anyway. I'mliterally trying to figure a joke out. She's like, I don't care,you don't. I've known comics who will use dating APPs to plug shows. Oh yeah, I don't actually that too. They would just they wouldjust swipe on like fuck it, everybody in beer. Can we go out? Not, but I got a show coming up, but you know,the end of the month, which I'm like, fuck it. Free Advertisingand never did. I've never done any of those dating APPs. I ain'tlike not tender bumble or the swipe ones. Yeah, I didn't match because because, yeah, like I had a feeling, like my thing. Iwas like, I don't want to just meet somebody to fuck. Yeah,I guess it's never been my thing. Honestly. I told my friend whileago. She's like, I can never find any good guys in plenty offish. I was like, plenty of plenty of fish is a fucking sewer. Yeah, I was like, well, it's free, right. She's likeyeah, I was like, what the fuck did you expect if they'renot using the point? Even even match has a free version. But like, unless you're paying for the people want, I paid for that Shit. Yeah, I paid for like three month subscription at one point or something.My mom paid for it once, which I was like, cheese, okay, mom, I get it. Damn, thanks for your subscription. She boughtme like a three month subscription one time. She was like. Iwas like, okay, that's crossing the line. Uh, I don't havea lot of lines to cross. That's one of them. Just trying tofind you a girl. tryance because well, it's because my younger brother is marriedand the other ones basically engage living with his girlfriend. They just boughta house together, and so it's like so whenever we do like family picturesand shit, it's like all the couples and then there's Mike with the dog. Usually that's how I savor me. So it's probably reason why I'm doublingdown so hard, like all the cat...
...pictures, is because it's like I'mit's like all these fucking couples. It's like, you know, fuck you, here's my cat and here's my cat, here's my cat. And if youare getting a Christmas card for me this year, it's going to bea weird, creepy picture with the kid you're letting you know right now,like me shirtless holding a pipe and just holding her right here. And it'sfor my wide friend on his tender profile, like he'll messes people at war whenhe's at working on like I'll send them the first message, like justa joke. Usually they don't work, but he has AIDS now, sofuck him now. It's just I don't really miss doing that at all.I will say like ever since, especially because of covid I haven't had muchof any other choice, but when I started going to the APPS is definitelywould like my dating life suffered the most. Really, yeah, again, it'sonline dating. I talk about this on stage. Online daty of people. Wait, too picky. Now it does. I basically get to buildyour perfect person and no one's willing to. I hate to use the words settle, but they won't settle for anything short of their perfect person. It'slike the perfect person that your look where doesn't exist. Yeah, part ofwhat's a good relationship almost it's a good dating experience, just getting to knoweach other as the other part. Two is because you they make you putso much of yourself in your fucking you know bio, that when you matchyou got nothing to fucking talk about. It's like, so, what doyou like? While there's a did you read my profile? That's it,that's me, that's that's it. It's like it's the equivalent of I likeblow job and hitting women. What it's the equivalent of like when you whenyou apply for a job online and they're like what about this? Well,if you read my fucking resume that you made me submit, I know whenI was doing that Shit. I can't remember how long my profile was,but like I always felt like so I want a couple good days to people, like I good times. It was the one. This is gonna soundbad, I had to like stab her finger because Shit, because she's diabetic. than she actually wears an insulent pump and we're at top golf and shewas like getting really like lightheaded, like really really really lightheaded, and shelike needed like to figure out what her blood thing was, but she couldn't. Her thing would not work, and so, Oh shit, I getjust and sell us. I was like wow, we talked somebody and she'slike do you have a good knife or something, and the guy was like, I think I mean as I can bring you on broader one. Andshe couldn't physically do it herself because she had to stab herself. So likeI'm sitting there like stabbing her finger, ha ha ha. Finally fucking gotdid that and then I think we're actually going to have sex that night.I had a feel you had to, you had to stab her repeatedly througha medical emergency. So feel like it was gonna go towards that. Notthat was planning for it, but I had it like it was a veryweird vibe because we'd seen each other quite a few times. It was aweird vibe. I was like okay, and then that happened and then likewe talked flid after that. But then I start talking to my ex one, not my ex wife, Jesus, my wife now, and I justlike I mainly started because, like she see one on vacation, Blaa,Bob, this and that. We weren't exclusive or anything, so I waslike, well, I'll just she went on vacation and yeah, she wanta vacation like two or three weeks. HMM, and like I just stoppedtalking to her. I'm at my wife. I usually when I'm when I'm firstmeeting someone and getting to know them. In this is more of a mething. But like I cannot be the person. I cannot always bethe person. Do it to initiate a conversation. Yeah, I can putup with that for a couple days, but then I'll have a day we'relike, I'm not going to text first, like if you want the fucking talkto me, fucking talk with me. Yeah, if you're I'm I'm sorry, and that's that's a meeting and I maybe I've missed out on someshit. I really couldn't give a fuck if you're not, if you don'thave the fucking adult fortitude to text me...
...first once in a while, likeI'm not gonna. I cannot be responsible for the communication in this relationship.That makes sense at dating is weird. It's like a game like that.Nobody knows the rules to like do I text first or not? But doesn'tmake me look clingy, like I don't know what the fuck's going on.Yeah, and it's all different from pretty nice. It's all different person toperson. To some people, some girls like on, like on like thedating APPs. They want you to sound like a really cute introduction message.Some are cool with you to saying hey, it so yeah, some are cooledyou saying hey, nice shoes, want to fuck. I mean it'sit does actually work, but yeah, it's a game that nobody has arule book for and we're all just making it up as we fucking go.So well, joy married life on that last yeah, probably kill myself.Well, last, like we're getting into work. It is inevitable. Yeah, it is your destiny. Oh No, first time I called her, shefucking literally was like yeah, I gotta go. No, all right. We talked for like five minutes or something's like yeah, I gotta go, and like okay, do we talk for like a week or two?As very weird. It's like I think I'm message out of a louse fromthere, like Cablem do something. Yeah, we're you one of those who,like you, had to constantly be in communication and, where you can, was going like a whole without talking. M I don't know. At thattime, back in the day, I was constant communication, but yeah, like that set when I was dating at that point in time, itwas not constant, like I don't care. Yeah, I used to be likeI used to, I think what it was like in my relationships inthe past, like I put all my energy into those relationships. Yeah,to where like it wasn't about appeasing as about peasing them and not myself.That's that's an easy hold of all down. Yeah, and then this one,I I comedy, and then, like with this one, I waslike, Oh, I got commed, like comedy a piece is me,like I want to do comedy, like and she got that, but itwasn't like constantly communication between you or her. Yeah, like and that's how Ithink our relationship has been so well. Is like when we first started seeingeach other, like every relationship I ever been in prior to this onewas we'd hang out like a lot of times a week, like maybe threeor four times a week. Eventually, more and more we see each otherlike every day type thing. Yeah, and this relationships like once a weekfor like a really long time and maybe then and twice a week. Youguys, we're into yours at that point. Yeah, yeah, I think that'sa big part of it too. Is like you get into your s, you got your kind of your life set, you've got a routine setand the things you want to do. You're kind of looking for someone who'seither willing to go along with that or will to let you have your timeto do why thinks of the comedy works so well is because like even likewhen I'm not busy, like when I was busy with comedy, like I'dsay her once or twice a week would be like us living together, butwe live together obviously, but like like how we know where those when wewere first dating, it's like yeah, once your twice week type thing.Yeah, I don't I guess that's the easy hole. The fall through falldown is like to appease the other person constantly. But that's all all myrelationships been. Want to yeah, I've been. I've been in a lotwhere it was like bedding over backwards to make them happy. You know,fuck me, but you know, and they're not fucking yet and they're notfun. I've had I had one, I had a couple of those whereit's like I'm spending money, using gas, giving up free time and I'm notgetting laid. Yeah, what am I doing? Yeah, it's definitelya as if I don't miss those days. Yeah, sorry, like, getthe fuck out, no longer co host. It's just downt know dating. I couldn't right now. I just...
...well, dating right now during apandemic would be very difficult. Yeah, but even even prior I mean justdating in two thousand and twenty, dating in this time in general is justespecially our generation. Yeah, people have gotten divorces, though, because thepandemic. Okay, yeah, you would. Suddenly you got to spend all yourtime with this person. It's like, I don't realize how fucking annoying youare. Yeah, well, I had eight hours a day that Icould be away from you. I mean it's fucking crazy. I wonder howmany relationships have gotten ruined. I don't know, man. I can't waitto see those, those numbers post covid like no more, no more deathand infection numbers. I want to see the divorce rate. Twenty seven billionpercent. It's no longer one in two marriages. It's not fucking one inone. Shit. I mean, I know people gotten divorced because of thepandemic. It's just so fucking weird. And you have also seen so manypeople get married. Yeah, like, not just to you. I knowso many people who got married this year. It's weird. Shit. There's ifthere's a fucking industry for it now, for doing like like like zoom weddingsand shit is a really only certain states allow it. But the certainstates that allow it there they're going crazy because a certain states required that theofficial can be in the fucking room, but there's like five or six stateswhere that's not they just have to be like present in some form. Solike over Webcam was considered like legal. So like people been getting married inthose states like crazy. HMM. I suppose everywhere else are weddings are justI've been getting canceled or every which has been going down and doing doing thelegal process and just calling it a day. Doing well, we're lucky. Weonly had like six people our wedding. anyways. Yeah, tiny ass weddings. We have no friend not no friends, but it's cheaper. It'sfucking the hellill cheaper. Only can talked about my brother and his wife whenthey were up in me and they had a huge fucking one, and they'relike yeah, like it was cool, but like we didn't get to doanything. We're so busy taking pictures and making sure everything was going okay andall that Shit. We didn't atually, like they're like we didn't get thefucking eat and I was like that's fucked up, but the food was good. If the food is delicious, just letting you guys know. They didn't. They did a mashed potato. Barca says his my sister in law's favoritemeal is like Thanksgiving Dinner. She loves she's all about matched potato life.So you got like a like a fucking Martini glass and it was potatoes andthen it was like build your build your mashed potatoes down down the bar that'sit was amazing, so good. What is your what is your favorite thanksgetting this? I'm all about the fucking the potatoes, man, the mashedpotatoes and and the MAC and cheese. I'm Mac and cheese, yeah,but but I've never had to like want. I've never had a bad thanksgiving meal. HMM, my mom, I mean might's my mom's favorite holiday.She goes Turkey, mashed potatoes, two difer kinds of mat potatoes, MACand cheese, stuffing, all the veggies, all the pies, the great Iwas thought of somebody, the Great Simpson. Yesterday I was like beeven even like bad gravy can make her, can make her break. Thanks.Yeah, you fuck up the gravy like because as good as everything is, I still want to drown in gravy. So that's the only time I reallyeat mashed taoes. I feel like and I always like mashed potatoes.I want Maschdas and some one time I eat stuffing, one thing I fuckinghate, but I'll eat one thing. I of mixing those match tail isSour Krout. See, I hate sour krout. I fucking hate sour krouttoo, but I'll make it with match potatoes all goddamned ay I'll hate it. Almost taste like pussy. I'm it doesn't. Now Pussy things better.I don't know about that. The right well, the right one. Okay, maybe you're right. I've been saying. I'm not saying all of them do. I've had something, but as just I don't know, like think, I don't know. So. So Sour Crout with match tas is sofucking good. Let me score. My match dais is pretty good. Iused to parents that was funny. That's why I have trust issues. Likecauliflower and match tits. Yeah, I...
...call flier now. I didn't noticeit and I was like, well, the fuck is there? Are reallytaste like anything. It's like it. That's why it's so popular right now, the the rist cauliflower and the cauliflower cruss, because you gets it's likeTofu. You can flavor it. That taste like fucking anything. Color cusspizzas not bad. I do not recommend making the crust trust painting it isdifficult as fuck. Did it once in my hands hurt for three so nowwe just get to Califiler crusts pizza. I mean it's healthy. I guess. I guess it's sure, guess it does not gluten in it. Idon't fucking on. You know what gluten is? Makes Your Dick fly off, which watched out far? Yeah, makes your Dick fly off. Allright, guys, that's going to do it for this week's episode. Thanksso much for hanging out this again. We really appreciate it. Want toremind you you can become a VIP member of this show and got all kindsof cool rewards and help support the show by going to Patreoncom tbl underscore pod. It's three dollars a month. You get access to live streams and allkinds of other cool perks as well, so make sure you have a Patreoncomtbl underscore pod. You can follow this show on twitter and instagram at tblunderscore pod. Follow Mike Wells on twitter at Mike WTF Wells, and followme at Mike of all Shays, on twitter and instagram. We'll see youguys again next week. Until then, as always, live well, rockon, take care and by bye.
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