ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Why is a dog show part of Thanksgiving? Why does the poodle always win? How did John O'Hurley get mixed up in all this?
This week, Mike & Mike talk about:
- The National Dog Show
- The coming COVID-19 vaccine
- The problem(s) with online dating
Support the show on Patreon:
More info on our website:
Thanks for listening! Tell your friends!
Season 2, Episode 8 · 10 months ago
SHARE THIS EPISODE
Season 2, Episode 8 · 10 months ago
Why a Dog Show on Thanksgiving?
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Why is a dog show part of Thanksgiving? Why does the poodle always win? How did John O'Hurley get mixed up in all this?
This week, Mike & Mike talk about:
- The National Dog Show
- The coming COVID-19 vaccine
- The problem(s) with online dating
Support the show on Patreon:
More info on our website:
Thanks for listening! Tell your friends!
The following program is brought to youfrom the basement: Lounge podcast studio for more information go tobasement, lounge, podcom, really Bibackyeah comedys not doinganything, but I love. I love movies man. That's I I mean I was always that guywho would go to the movies by myself. I din't give a ship thet's, also back when movie thinkit,for like five Bucks S, fucking, expensive, yeah. Well, again, again,that's studios taking all the fucking money man yeah I was talking to it- wastalking to somebody tooday theywere thinking like what doe you thinks goinga h. What O we thinks going to happen like with moving theaters and shit andafter like the pandemics over and Lik, I think it's it's Gon ta come back. Imean because the theater industry didn't just pop up out of nowhere likeit had to and as people want like we were taling.We want to go to move ere, just afraid to go to a movie. I know they'redropping the new wonder woman on hbomax on Christmas, which I'm like I mean yea.I want to see it. I would rather watch that in a theat you know, but I thinkwhat we might see happen is kind of go back to like what they were doing likein the S, and s were like going to. The movies was like an eventslike you got dressed up and there was the the aim of the B movie in the amovie and kind of like I like drive. In still do it might see a bit bat ofreturn to that Bu me, Nice. Also, the the studios just got to work on theirrelationship with the theaters, though, because this this whole taken a hundredpercent of ticket sales, and you know forcing theaters to skyrock at their popcorn prices just tostay open. They might have to do some rinty negotiating after everything.Sett ind then figure something out. Yeah ecaust both want to survive and,quite frankly, studos aren't going to survive. They won't be able to continueto make the kind of money they want without a movie theater yeah they try.They tried this year. You know the closest they got was trolls to and theygot a little impulsive afer that Le Saing, oh we'll go in forward. WETL jusdrop, all our movies Vod and the theaters were like it's, not okay, yeah you fucking dothat to us man. I just can't wip herything go back to ormal yeah me towell. I guess, there's like three vaccines out or some shit yeah, two orthree like I said the first one should be rolling out by the end of the monthit kind of kind of Laryo on it all, though, still yeah, if Fouchi wasn'tlike, I said, fou she's been kind of given these the thumbs up, so I'm alittle more comfortable with it. Just takes forever for usually a vaccine tobe good yeah like, but it's also, but I also look atit as like Whenis the last time we had to like Hardcore Baka vaccine. Well,yeah, I that's. I was talking Ou Cama host taramount, which makes sense it'sjust like one of those things. Jis, like like, we didven, take a year todevelop this yeah and it's like Whit's on one hand. Again, that's really quick,but also like it is two thousand and twenty yeah I mean I have seen. I amlegend Yeah T', poor dog t t every time Li I don't e know like. Apparently it'sjust o hand it out it's supposed to go to medical professionals, medicalpersonel first and then like at risk like Hyat ris like elderlyand beforeand yeah, and then I think theysaid general public might be closer to spring of next year. Like April May, thatd be creat. It's Iremember when this all Startdi Turnin, my wife is like Yis go Goinna last forlike a year or two, oh yeah, and she like didn't. Believe me. I was like nolike you have to mentsly prepare for what's going to happen. She's likestuff like this is not like a couple months: its son like yer and she's likeand she startd crying because I was like I s trying to mee Dick, but I wasjust like this is like. If you look at all this stuff, this is how this worksyeah. This wasn't like swine flu, which is kind of went away or fucking. You know he bolla scare, itjust kind of went away like this was. This was big. I mean this. Was Youdon't see this? This is the kind of thing you read about history books, Ohyeah. Well, before I left, my wife was...
...like somebody that she graduated highschool with her ex her exhusband. Her husband died of Covid E. Yesterday Iwas like God he's like the thirty five. I think she's Wel there to say I don'tknow how old he was, but I'm assuming they were Brun the same age. I'm tweenme thirty, five and forty that's wha, I'm going to say, and I'm like what hfucking in a pairs like did. He have like any like preexisting. Do nope hnit'sso crazy, like just that young,nothing wrong with him just well. I knew it was weird at thebeginning of the pandemic. I had to go to my doctor and my doctor just to filtmy prescription, because I'm a comic I'm on Anidepressance, because I am acomic yeah, that's wall we do and- and I was like ashit's goingto get bad, so I want to get this prescription filled up yeahand there's two things. I knew why it was going to be bad. First off mydoctor wasn't there, which is fine whatever, like I've dealt with otherpeople in the past yeah, but the I was like another doctor in nurse Pritay,you can', remember what who it was. I can't remember what she was like. Well,your thirty five. You should be okay, Oh, if you get it. Oh and O. I was likeNe. I thirty four is thirty. Four you Sur Becaus! I just Turne Thrie fi she's,like you should and when she said Shit I was like fuck, it's us serious and then they gave me.They usually only Gev me prescription for like three months. They gave me aprescription for a year. Holy re E re fill for my prescription for a year,and that was the second time I was like this is serious, yeah they're waitingfor something like, Oh my God, yeah. They gave me the ninety day. Actually Iwas like I had just gotten my refill before everything really hit the fanand then my then Kateric behavior called me and they were like. Do youwant to go ahead and get like another three months to have it on the safeside? And I was kind of like how fucked are we like gall? Not Okaywere that fuck yeah she said should I was like and then when I saw like howlongfor I was like what the Fuck I was. I had just gotten back from from aconcert in Cleveland and I was sitting at the station. I got to the work atthe station and everybody was already like they were had like here's, yourhere's, this letter from the state that you have to have in your car becausethey were putting in the curfew. Here's a play. Here's a press pass having yourcar, so you can be out driving and not get bothered. I got a C. I was hosting trivia and gota call from the TRIBI company, like yeah they're, closing down the bar, soyou're not going to be hosting again for a while, like everything happenedlike in a night just all once- and it's been like this ever since this ormantwas March- I just I missd going like I don't even go out Paradi miss doingcomedy, but, like I miss hanging out with my friends, I got I even like Ithere as an open Mike last night. I know I could have went to it y my head,I'm thinking like I don't want to go to an open Mike just to risk getting sickright now, yeah. I I'm just especialy, especially like when the end is like kind of it's insiht like there's. Youcan see a glimmer alight at the end of the tunnel yeah to get it now. Ikyou've made it this far yeah. I was even told my mom. When we had the bi wehad N, my family had a bit of a covid scare this past week. It's like youimagine like making it this far and then getting it now, ohyea fucking awful be like wt. The fuck likeit's like a kick to the balls ell just got my my little brother he's a studentup Atken, it's got him so scared. I mean he has been paranoid about thissince day. whon he didn't want to have to go back to campus. Doesn't he doesn't like having to relyon the common sense of other people, yet no yeah, because nobody has it incase and point his fucking roommate tested positive, but then didn't tellhim and then ere. He was around his mom whohad tested positive, didn't tell my brother that he was going to get testedbecause he'd been around someone who was positive and then called my brotherafter my brother had just gotten back from fucking campus for the rest of thesemester. I was like hey by the way I tested positive. My brother was like:When did you get tested? Oh, we Coaldgo Yeah C. couldn't have said somethingyeah, so he was freaking out all this...
...pat all last week, God has got hisnegative results the morning of Thanksgiving but yeah, just like he's so just overall of this everybody is yeah it just just one of those things. Just youcan't rely on people to do. That would be the responsible person. Iwill say what was awesome about this weekend. Was You know I work in retail and we were busy Friday black Friday,right yeah, but it was like a normal Satura. It waslike a normal Friday or Saturday and like normal circumstances like Likrih,so I'm Ben, like okay, because we've been slow as shit. Those days and likeI was like. Oh, this is exactly like you know, Friday, Friday or Saturdaywere we're kind of busy. Like awesome Saturday, we weren't busy Sonedayweren't busy, so people or I think people like went out. We were like allright. Well, we got the deals, we're not going to go out shopping anymore,type thing yeah, which kind of showed me like. Maybe people are scarting, Imean I know people re tinking. It seriously. People like really startingto take us yeah, we went we sai, we went, we wentbar Hobin Santurday. It was like middle of the day. Barhapin I granted Saturday was like smallbusiness Saturday and like downtown and organdistic was packed. There was aline at the door for like feathers and heartmercantile and night and Lunas,and all that which is which is great. You know those guys a struggling hardbut, like the you know, that was the most out and about I'd been nine months, and I remember got homethat I was like ten o'clock and I was like I'm fucking exhausted yeah,because I had been out doing shit for the first time, and God knows how longI start going when I start going out for comenty again like I'm going to befucking Sheust Iam not been like I'm notlooking forward to me like on the road. Again, it's like we're all have T Swe're all doing like a factory reset on our bodies. Right now- Oh my God. Oh I think I did. In the summer. I had like a I like sixshows and one week five or six shows- and I was like fucking exhausted m, butit's going to be like l Ke, you know when your first starting and you'rehitting all the shows but you're new, and you kind of gives youlike this rush that you're not used to now we're all fucking old. So we'rejust going to be tired and cranky can't do that can't do this, like I didwhen I was fucking younger before covid. If Work Open Shit, no, it's it's going to beinteresting. It's GOIN TA be wild. I'm interest yee how everything goes yeahfew months. I'm interest see if t like the FDA, officially says or whateverthey're trying to do so. I brought it to the FTA. The vacsine, like o the FTA,and they had to hit a certain threshold before they would. They would fullyapprove it, which I think, is kind of what they're waiting on at this point,Gat Ya. It has to hit like a like, I think, like a ninety seven percentsuccess rate. Before, though, improve it officially stamp, it yeah. I think Ithink they were sitting at like ninety five last time I checked yeah, so it'swe're close, but closeby, no cigar, yeah ASE, my dadused to say closeonly, counts and horshes and hand grernades so notpulling out ot por yeah. I just don't want another year, thisbullshit. It's also one of those things that it's kind of the election. Lo I'mstarted talking about it well N. I think it was te to like, and I thinkwhen people start actually caring more people start caring about. It is etlike wait. It didn't disappear after the election yeah like no shit. Itwasn't going to you fun Nidi, but go back to watching oan Ou coks, it's fineyeah. It wasn't ever going to go anywhere. I think everybody at first itseeme, like they weren't talking about it as much. Well, no shit because theelection just fucking happened. Yeah we've been talking about Covid, we knowcovid's going on. We don't need to talk about it for it' still be here. That'slike Gess! That's like a fire! That's...
...still burting! In the background, likeit's Yeiwas, so Wyrin't you talkin about the fire, because it's fires notgoing anywhere it's there. We're talking about this other thing rightnow. That's that was t e fucking thing aboutelection week is like you're, like Manis. Everything was taken so long.You know about counting and then like didn't your back your mind like gothere're still, covid Y, like I wan, like fuck, like you're,watching like the election, was bad but like they're still covid. What's worseand that's all I I could think about lie uh yeah, this election shits, crazy,but they're, still all fuck, there's covid yeah, because they're ecauseevery night, the news, the top story, was something something electionresults, our next story. Another hundred fifty tousand people died.Today, it's like Oh yeah. That is still a thing an then Dak Lik. They expect like what threehundred k by the end of the year, something like that we're talking about,because we're already up, but we're two hundred two hundred. Seventy, I think,are we that high fuckii keep track track of it. Let's see here because I'm a Dick likethat yeah not really Dick covid death and itcomes up immediately when I heveandco they haven't updated for today hundred and sixty nine that two hundredsixty nine thousand right now, but they haven't updated forwe're about to peakagain yeah, because we still got another well in two weeks. It's goingto go back up yeah after after Thanksgiving and N and then Christmas new years, we'll be up atthree hundred kave a the end of the year, which is sad. I, the one that has me the most bory isNew Year's Eve. Yeah, that's a big party, one yeah, youknow hey, I don't know, what's going to go on as far as like you know,programming wise with television, but all that aside, Yeah People Party onnew years. If there was one, if there was one day of the year, they said youhad to get rid of every other party day of the year. We had to keep one.Everybody would keep new years. Yeah I mean Loke, a fucking downtown NewYork. Every year people wear diapers to stand in one spot for an entire fuckingnight. Did you watch the fucking Mace's Day? Pray this year was a joke. It wasso fun s a fucking joke thereas, the fucking rock hatseven foaned. It inyeah US put on their little fucking tin soldier uniforms just kind of marched,really slowly. It was so funny. I was like watching like a parade forKanjenmon. Nobody. There was like watching trumpsinauguration like yeah ther's, nobody fucking there or his fucking campaignrally the tick tock sabotage eh months back, which was glorious yeah. Honestly,I give I give way more shit about the fucking dock. Show that I do the parade,because I like dogs, way more than I like yeah. I never watched it. I neverwatched a prade. I specifially Watche Prade Jus, so I can make fun of it andlive tweet it the entire. So bad! Oh, my God, I was joking. My mom was, youcan always tell one t you can always tell when somebody on the float isactually singing, because you can't hear them. There's nobody fucking there and I waslike who who is th seven for at this point like this is a lot of money and alot of time and work and investment for nobody. Just bad, so fucking ban then watch thedog show. I watch the DOG SHOWI WOK pretty high by then I was pretty fucking I what crast we a of the dog show theyhad the cardboard cutouts and yeah people I did see like. I didn't seethat during the because I was too fucking high, but sa pictures about it.I was like that is hsterical. One of them was one of them. Was You watchBrooklyn nined, nine yeah? Well, I know who's in it and Everyi was it was thecaptain with his dog? Was One oh, really fucking yeah? I love that shot with thefucking poodles. Why does a poodle gon to win every fucking year? Man? Is thatthe one they won there? They didn't win the overall, but they won theirdivision. I was like every fucking year. It's this weird fucking white. My dogshow on Thanksgav. I don't know wel because they, because they tape itmonths ahead of time to it's Al like...
...it's even live. I didn't know that YeahYousd to be sponsored by you game it dog food. Now I think it's just like the humansociety and Shit, but it so they can keep the guy from seinfield employed atthis point, because that's all the fucking does is host that every fuckingyear. Does he really it's the guy who played he lanes boss? I av O liken onhis name, he's the he's the host of it every year for like as long as I'vebeen alive shit they pibbly paying a hundred million. I'm sure pobaly makesmore doing that than he does on seinfeld royalties to shit yeah as it we watched. I watch part of that. Iremember then instant family, which Irecommendis a good movie it if you're not and know it's fucked up.I still have not been the impostor Youon haven't Don. He fucking Impostur, I'm fucking among us. I've been theIMFOSTER so many times, I'm I am the worst fucking impostor ever I haveterrible time Inin it whanever. Somebody accuses me I'm just like Noa Nope, not me. I agree just exit out a fine fuckit. You Guys Wen, I like to Ilike to go into the chat and just and just be a fuckingtrol and is flut withpeople. I still haven't een the fucking apot. I don't know how many ams afucking whats. I don't know. If I have a like, is there a setting? You can hitthe ever in pastor because I feel like if there is, I mean I think so, but II' E, been I've been the AMPOSTR A lot. I just I'm terrible at it. It you fucking. What were you able whenyou worked Tha Studio Er the? Were you able to watch the Mike Mike Tyson fight? Did theyhave that? I watched I watched the highlights of it e earlier today, half fucked up Nate Robintson get hit.I take her chop pal like Oh. He him the fuck was like. You know you Gott hithard when that's all anybody's talking about when it's first time, Mikes potin fifteen years nobody's talking about Mike Tyson in the fight thet's alkabout the guy got I shit o I i Didwha I saw the Mai was like fuck.I saw the had Hi Holy Shit- Oh my God. Apparently I felt t at Jake Paul orwhatever he actually trains boxing. Oh really, yeah, try didn't Wat. If Y, Iwas real watshing. I was like okay like ecause. First of all, I don't like thePaul Brothers. I think theire Cotroll Duch backs but is is long. Is thisLogan Paul's brother Yeah, Oh fuck, Logan Paul? Well, he did. He did stickup for hairy styles, what DD he fucking thou and he did stick up for. I stuck up for something like black lives matter, stuff too, with theguys, a fuckintrol and a Dick, but I was like, like it's the first andprobably only time I'll ever agree with this from he's from West Lake. Is Hereally from Westlike Ohio? And so I was watching the brother and I waslike Holly Shit like I did Moi ti and kick and Mare time. Persona e hits hereand I was like we took boxing lescene se. I was a way second sky actuallyknows how like do box like I was watching like I was like. Oh apparently,that's all they do like he does anyways Ecause, because Logan Paul did a fightwith someone last year o the year before orit was for charity and got fucking nihilatedyeah he's done a couple of those like like charity fight well Na Robis hasnever fought in his life ohr ever boxed. I was like fucking Jesus. Well, youcould tell if you watch the O shit, he fought he foug. What's his name KSI, let's sing was him and his brother. Hewas KSI versus Logan, Paul and deggi versus Lile Jake Paul. They getbig off fine. They got big on Youtube. Was it et because, because Loga Paulwent to like that, the suicide forest...
...in Japan? I remember that. That's whatgot him in Tro a Soi wats also he was just famous for doing Bein a fuckingVlauger on Youtube. I didn't know that a fucking I thought t was vine or Youoyeah. They startd your right started on vine and then they went to youtube waskind of where they atrervined went away. They moved to Youtube. They stayed thefuck off Dicktock as far as it now, which is fine, but o doanthing makeabamount of money. Yeah they're, fine, I'm startying use TIKTOK, NEC beas. Ilike it, but it's really good editing videos. It is it's prettit's for for afree, mobile APP, like you can do some impressive shit, yeah video productionwise on there very impressive. I was like Huh. I can edit this super fuckingfast yeah, because I've got a couple of editing APPs on my phone. I because,like I, have dobe sweet, so I have like premier rush and stuff n Hen, they're,fine, but yeah. You can do way more on on Tec Tock. I just wonder I don't understand tick tock and Io'still don't understand it that that how, as you got any more views on thatvideo like the one that was huge, so I so so quick story so that one is now upto I'm going to get the exact number here, ten billion it's like over sevenhundredhosand, that's awesome, but then so there was one that I didearlier this year. It was it's eight, I'm sorry, eight hundred and twentyfour thousand, but I did one that was poking funt atDragon Force back in like April, and it was me tending to be the singer, ODragon fors like what does he do during these like Really Long Guitar? So thatwas- and it's like Meus like standing there like, I go het a like a plate offood, a d like he said my das. I remember that video is funny, so it gotlike fifty fiftysand views when I posted it. So apparently the guitaristfor dragon forced her joined tick. Tock uhand found the video and do edit itlike showing his reaction to the video and it's gained like anothertwentythousand views, an whats tenty, four hous pers, I'm like boy shit,hermenly like the video, but now it's fucking blowing up to. I remember thatvideos funny I'm actually pretty fucking, proud, thoug and then I post,I posted last night I'll occasionally like I'll catch people like stealing like comedy bits and usingthem like for their own videos and shit. So then Iland they'll go viral. So thenI'll post, the actual comedy clip to my tick Tock and be like yeah. You didn'tyou didn't start this like Jan one was one. Was the Robin Williams like at theat the last supper wheretheyr like one of you will betray me and Peter says itme. Jesus and Jesus no I's, not upernd Simon said is 't me. Jesus Jusus,noit's, not you, Simon Jujus, said. Is it me? Jesus and Jesus said? Is itmeaes now? Are they lip sinking him or do? No there? It's like they're, justdoing the bit like it's their own. Oh, my God, and so then I posted the RobinWilliams clip and everybody was like. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I'm like,as for as fucking live and Broadway special, not forget about it. There waswelve you just watched Itas one where somebody like did the the run white Lig we're all gaylike do you watch porn things Lok pose to that Glib, and then somebody elsewas talking about like it's like there's, so many different ways todescribe bad words and there's more ways to describe bad words, and thereare bad words and I was like George car, one thousand nine hundred and seventyeight in the round posted that clip, and it's already gotlike like tenzand fucking Ti Itt like its a comedy special, I fucking, seeingit people an is Bulsi, can just steal people's syou'll, see where theye likethey'll steal, memes like they'll, take the concent of a meme and like H,that's my fucking idea. I think I told you about the guy I busted, who wasripping off Pabo Franco, the one time I on'. Fuck around people I best Ti KiWy. I didn't bust comic first time, I've seen a person and Iwas like that's a really good joke. I mean it was like a first time. I eversaw him and I know he been doing it. Not that long might have been like onefirst or second time up ies like yeah, and I that was them yeah, that's a men,my Sau and I was like. Oh you can't. You can't do that, he's like why notit's Notyeah! It's not your she's like okay. You know I'm sory with it, butbut like now, I just like...
...like what I don't what I can't stand aspeople who do prank videos online yeah, but they are always taking otherpeople's Prank. Yes, like that's not it's your idea. Yeah come up with anoriginal prank yeah yeah, not a big fan of prank videos to begin with, but was just annoying to me. I guess, like the ones I hate more, is when it's aprank video, but it's obviously staged Oh yeah for sure, because becausenoneyall can act, yeah the girl, like she like duck tapes, the bowl of flourto the to the counter honey. Cany. U Give me that ball. Oh you want this oneright here. Okay, sure thing: Babe what the flower the face, fuck you she'sgetting fucked by some dude intethat'Srea Prah. You got flour over your face like atDick in my bad just to bowl the face some naked dudewith a wash clob overs dick runs away. Real Quick N fucking distraction like afucking in just start shit. No, I just prang videos, fuckingpiss! I did do A. I did record one praying video it was it was. I was Wasit, wasn't reallyPrank Vido. It was o reaction, video. I had my wife sitting there. I was herreaction as scary movie, and I told her. I gave her herpies, I'm just jhoking,really fucking Ou, I'm always wantd to do that. To, though I gave you hert what that always makesme think of the family guy bit where theladies likeit's called from he boyfriend Joani, I got back ot my results back from thedoctor today I have herpies, you should get yourself tested. Okay, will youstay joany? What will you stay with me? Knowing that I have herpies? Yes, Iwill Joani, I don't have herpes. I just wanted to know that you would stay andthen, like some fucking CERAMAC, lock one song place in the background. Iknow exactly it Talkin about that's so funny Shit Ist want to know you'd stay. I haveAIDS, that's how you really spa. That's how you fucking really fuck You'e, been writing any COMI.Lately O a Tryan Man. I had a couple ideas at jotted down, but nothing like promising Yit Fucki likesuch a fucking shmuck. It happens, I'm not doing it it's well! Yes! So it'sreally hard to write. Yeah, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING! Even you what I've beendoing. I I got back on tender again, so we'll see what fucking for Dick was vicariously through Mewai, my Dick as vicariously. For You wellsee man a'd been Laidin, my er, you gotta have sex that have herpes ma I'vebeen laiden five years, yeah Yol get laid yeah at some point, a lotit's odds.It's got to happen at some point. What youtrlike dating appwy is like I've,never did. Teno I've tried tinder bumble. Okay, Cupid I tried match. Like Iloiked, I tried like Maginy harmony at one point: do just like the legit ones.You got to pay for. That's how me my wife met was match really yeah neverhad any lock ever. I was literally something for her to do quote. That'swhat she said, but thet. She never thought wed get married, that's fuckthe that's fucking funny! She was really bored. She was getting hermaster's degree and shejust wanted something to do. I was like sexually she's like no, notsexal. I was somebody an ISO. Now we're married right now. The biggest problemy run into is so many, so many accounts on all these APPs nowadays aren't eventheir body count: Saing oll their BA their bod accounts and then they're.Also, it's a lot of polly couples who are looking for someone else to to toplay with, and it's like yeah. No, I'm good, I'm good! I don't nee, I don't. Idon't want to fuck you, while your husband watches from the closet wearinga superman tshirt like I'm good,...
...but the flash is okay, WLASH, fine,Superman, TNOT! So much I don't you know. I don't need to like hear him screamknow that he's in there jerking off. While I fuck you and then he screams upup in a way as he comes like it's, he fight yeah. It's a lot of BOT accounts a lotof it's a lot of polly couples, and it's just also. I Fed Ppe people likeare so just like, like bitchy all those things like they're like instead ofsaying like something like bragging about themselves, they'll be like I'mnot here for xynz. So if you are just swipe on left to keep going right, fuckyou also I want to. I want to throw through a throw this out there to allthe women who are single MOMS on dating APPs. Having a kid is not a personalityyeah like I can't sell you how many of them are like it's like you know like.If you go like okay cubin, you got ta fit like all the different sections andall of them start with. Why are the kids so or like everything about themis just the fact that they have kids? I don't care that you have a kid, butthat's all you have going for you. I don't care to know you yeah like that'.If that's your whole personality is the fact that you have kids like you, havedeeper seted issues than I care to deal with, yeah you're, probably amazing. Inbed, though they left. That's true, crazy. I've been lering rat on thisjoke. I was like diets are, so hard has work die in it,and sex can be so bad. It has the word x and it's LIKK IT funny. yeahyeshow greatcan either of them really be yeah and both suck ijust eat a pizz and jerk off called itthat that sounds like a fucking, fantastic da haven't done that since this morning, Aniwoul Sa haven'tdone that in a couple hours aright, when you were son, clad, Imisse the dating like I never reary did I got on tender, not because I wastrying to look Fr him buy. I literallyas trying to write a jokeabout tender. Oh really yeah and I 's, like I got fear Bcause I've never donetender before and Nevert, and the Bu ever has a Tener joke. So I sdecided toscrap it. Isai had some third IES my girlfriend at time, aby my wife, it wasmy girlfriend's Tim. I was like listen like I have a tender APP on my phone. Iwas like you can totally go through it. If you want. I am not talking anybody.I'm literally trying to figure a joke out. She's like I don't care IV, O I'veknown comics, who will use dating aps to plug, shows ohyeah. I know how MAC o that too, they would just they would just swipe onlike fuckit everybody and Bein Yongere we go out of not, but I got TA showcoming up at you know the end of the month, which I'm like fuck it free advertisingand never did I'v E, never done any of those dating apps. I mean like nottender bumble or the swipe ones. Yeah I did't match, because because yeah likeI had a feeling like my thing I was like, I don't want to just meetsomebody to fuck yeah. I guess that's never been my thing honestly. I told myfriend whil ago, she's like I can never find any good guys in plenty of fish. Iwas like plan plenty of fish. Is A fucking sewer yeah. I was like wellit's free right, she's, like yeah, I was like what the fuck did. You expect, if they're, not using the E, even evenmatch, has a free version but like unless Youe paying for it, like people want my paidfor that Shit Yeah. I pay for like a three months, ubscription one point orsomething my mom paid for it once which I was like Jhees, okay, mom. I get itdamn thanks Ma for your SUSCIP. She bought me like a three monthubscription one time she was like. I was like. Okay, that's crossing theline. I don't have a lot of lines to cross. That's one of them just trying to find you a girl andTrians, because Wel, because my younger brother is married and the other one'sbasically engaged living with his girlfriend. They just bought a housetogether, so it's like. So whenever we do like family pictures and shit, it'slike all the couples and then there's Mike with the dog. Usually that's how Iused to be with me: SOTHAT's, Prorab, f. The reason why I'm doubling down sohard to like all the cat pictures is...
...because it's like I'm it's like allthese fucking couples. It's like y Fuck, you here's my cat, an here's, my cat, here's, my cat, andif you are getting a Christmas card for me this year, it's going to be a weirdcreepy picture with the cat. Let you know right now, like me, shirtlessholding a pipe and just holding erright here s for my one friend on his tenderprofile like he'll messas people at were when he's out working on, likea'll, send them the first message like just a joke. Usually they don't work, but he hasaids now so fuck him I was just know. I don't really missdoing that at all. I will say like ever since, especially because of Covid, Ihaven't had much of a any other choice, but when I started going to the APPS isdefinitely when, like my dating life, suffered the most really yeah again,it's online dating I' Talki about I on stage ill line. Dady Ma people wait toopicky. No, it does you basically get to build your perfect person and no one'swilling to I hate to use the word settle, but they won't settle foranything short of their perfect person. It's like the perfect person that yourlook were. Doesn't eexist yeah part of part of what's a good relationship.Honestly, it's a good Dati experienceis getting to know each other. That's theother part too, is because they make you put so much of yourself and yourfucking. You know bio that when you match you get nothing to fucking talkabout it's like. So what do you like? Wile? There's a did. You read myprofile? That's it! That's me! That's that's o! It's like it's the equivalentof like blow jobs and hitting women what it's the equivalent of like whenyou when you apply for a job online and they're like what about this. Well, ifyou read my fucking resume that you made me submit, I know Ike when I was doing that Shit.I can't remember how, on my profile was, but, like I always felt like Soi, wanta couple good dates to people like I had good times it was the one. This is goingto sound bad. Ihad to like stab her finger because Shit because she's Diabetic Tike, she actually wears an insulinpump and we're at top golf, and she was likegetting really like lightheaded like really really really lightheaded, andshe like needed like to figure out what her blood thing was.But she couldn't her thing, would not work and so shit I cul just andso islike wow, we talke to somebody she's like do you Loik a knife or something,and the guy was like. I think et me ask I can bring him one broader one and shecouldn't physically do it herself because she had to stab herself. So,like I'm sitting there like stabbing her finger. Finally, fucking God did that and thenI think we're actually going to have sex that night. I had a feel you had toyou had to stab her repeatedly thogmeical emergency so feel like itwas going to go towards that. Not that was planning for it, but I had. I likeit was a very weird vibe, because we'd seen each other quite a few times andit was a weird vibe I was like okay and then that happened then, like we talked a flittle bit after that, butthen I started talking to my ex one, not my exwife, O Jesus, mywife now and I just like immedately started because, like she se went onvacation, Bua mothis and that we weren't exclusive or anything. So I waslike well I'll. Just she went on vacation yeah. She want onvacate for like two or three weeks mm and, like I just stopped talking to Hir, I met my wife, I usually when, when I'm first meetingsomeone and getting io them an this is more of a me thing, but, like I cannot be the person, I cannot alwaysbe the person O do it to initiate conversation yeah. I can put up withthat for a couple days. Ut then I'll have a day whe're like I'm, not goingto text first like if you want the fucking talk to me. fucking talk to meyeah if you're and I'm sorry and that's that's a mea thing, and maybe I'vemissed out on some shit. I really could't give a fuck if you're, not ifyou don't have the fucking adult...
...fortitude to text me first, once in awhile, like I'm not GOINGNA, I cannot be responsible for the communication inthis relationship. So a at makes sense. o dating is weird. It's like a gamelike that. Nobody knows the rules to like. Do I text first or not, but Idoesn't made me look clinging like I don't know what the fuck's going onyeah and it's all different gin to be nice. It's all different from person toperson yeah some EPE, some girls like onlike, on like the dating APPs. Theywant you to send like a really ce introduction message. Some are coolwith you. Just saying: Hey, it's up yeah, so imer cool with you saying, heynice shoes want o fuck, I mean it. It does actually work but yeah. It's a game that nobody has arulebook for and we're all just making it up as we fucking go, I'm so bad wo, Joi married life Ole that lastsyeah, probably kill myself well last, like we're getting a divorce, it is inevitable Ye iis, your destiny,O know. First Time I called her. She fucking literally was like yeah. Igotta go like all right. We talked for like five minutes or something he lie.I gotta go. I like. Okay, the Wen talk for like a week or two, its very weird ID. She like, I think Imessage R out of blue n from there like ocat and do something yeah. Were you one of those who, like you,had to constantly be in communication where you Coul, with going like awhileitout talking? I don't know at that time. Back in theday, I was a concent communication, but y ah like that when I was dating at thatpoint in time it was not constant. Like I don't care yeah, I used to be like I used to. I I think what it was likein my relationships in the past. Like I put all my energy into thoserelationships yeah to where, like it wasn't about appeasing as about peasingthem and TNAT myself, that's that's an easy hold to fall them yeah, and then this one like I comedy and then like with this one. It waslike. Oh, I got comt like Calmin apieces me like I want to do comedylike and she got that, but it wasn't like constant communication betweenMeher yeah like and that's how I think our relationships been so well is like when we first started, seeing eachother, like every relationship ever been in prior to this one was we'd, hang out like a lot of timesa week like maybe three or four times a week, eventually more and more mentssee each other like everyday type thing yeah, and this relationship was likeonce a week for like a really long time and maybe then and twice a week Guywereinto your thirties. At that point, yeah yeah, that's, I think, that's a bigpart of it, too, is like you get into your es. You got your kind of your lifeset, you've got a routine set and the things you want to do you'r kind oflooking for someone who's either willing to go along with that orwilling to. Let you have your time to do by Thenso. Thet comedy works so wellis because, like even like, when I'm not busy like when I was busy withcomedy like I'd, see her once or twice a week, itwould be Leah US livingtogether, but we e live together, obviously, but like like how we knowwere was when we were fort stating it's like yeah wats your twist week, typething Iotknow, I guess that's a easy hold of fall through fall down is liketo appease the other person Conselli. That's how all my relationship's beenMon, too yeah. I've been I've been in a lot where it was like beding overbackwards to make them happy. You know fuck me, but you know, and they're not fucking, yet andthey're not fuck. I've had I had one. I had a couple of those where it's like: I'm spending money using gas, giving upfree time and I'm not getting laid yeah. What am I doing? Yeah? I was definitely a as if I don't miss those days. Yeah.Sorry, you like get the fuck out no longercohost, it's just downoutdating. I couldn'tright now. I just vote dating right now...
...during a pendemic would be verydifficult yeah, but even even prior I mean just dating in two thousand andtwenty dating in this time in general, as just especially our generation yeahpeople have gotten divorces, though, because of the pendemic Kayeah youwould suddenly you got to spend all your time with this person. It's like.I didn't realize how fucking annoying you were yeah. When I had eight hours a day that Icould be away from you ato Mea Hi's, fucking crazy. I wonder how manyrelationships have gotten ruined. I don't know man. I can't wait to seethose those numbers post covid like no moreno more death, an infection numbers. I want to see the divorce rate, twenty seven billion percent. It's nolonger one in two marriages. It's not fucking one. In one shit I mean, I know people ha e gottendivorced because of the pandemic, which is so fucking weird Andye. I've alsoseemed so many people get married yeah like not just delik. I how so manypeople who got married this year. It's weird shit, there's a there's, afucking industry for it now fere doing like like, like zoom weddings and showsar really only certain states allow it, but the cirtain states that allow whattthey're going crazy, because certain states required that the officiant bein the fucking room, but there's like five or six states where that's notthey just have to be like present in some form so like over Webcam wasconsidered like legal. So, like people been getting married in those stateslike crazy, I suppose everywhere else or weddingshave just ive been getting cancelled. Orever we'h hast been going down anddoing doing the legal process and just calling it Oday ouhbout doing well. Wewere lucky. We only had like six people hat ar wedding, anyways Yeah Tony Ass weddings. We have no friend,not no friends, but it's cheaper. It's fucking! Hal cheaperwell, Ye can talk about my brother and his wife when they were up mean theyhad a huge fucking one n theyre like yeah like it was cool but like wedidn't get to do anything we are so busy taking pictures and making sureeverything was going. Okay and all that Shit we didn't actually like t te likewe didn't get the fucking eat. I was like that's fucked up, but the food wasgood. The food was delicious, just letting you guys know they didn. Theydid a match. Potato Bar Becaus Ishis, my sisterinlaw's favorite meal is likeThanksgiving Dinner. She love she's all about Mashotato life, so you got like alike a fucking Martini glass and it was potatoes, and then it was like buildyour build your mash potatoes down down the bar. That's it was amazing, so good.What is your? What is your favorite Thanksgiving this? I'm I'm all aboutthe fucking, the potatoes man, the match, potatoes and and the macandcheese, I'm MAC and cheese yeah, but but I've never had to like ant.I've never had a bad thanksgiving meal. My Mom, I mean myit's, my mom'sfavorite holiday. She goes Turkey, Mashd, potanoes, totofer cans,bactatoes Mac and cheese, stuffing all the veggies, all the pies great, Iwas thought somebody, the Greag Simpson Yasjais, like even even like bad gravycan maker can make her break thanks. Yeah you fuck the gravy like because as good as everything is, Istill want to drown it in gravy. I Sai that's the only time I reallymachd Tas, I feel like, and I always like math potatoes, O Mao and someonetol me t stuffing one thing I fucking hate but I'll eat. One thing I lovemixing: Wis Mashtat, I souer Crowt, see I hate sour crout. I fucking hatesiwcrout too, but il make it with mach potatoes, all God, Damn Ay, no hate italmost taste like pussy. It doesn't no osee things better. Idon't know about that. The right l, the right one, okay, maybe you're, RIGHTI'MEENOT, saying I'm not saying all of them do I've had somethin, but I just I don't know like think I don'tknow sorry Sosockrout with Mata so fun. It Me Scorma match Dana Its pretty goodace to y parents. Tha was funny, that's Poraby, why I have trust issues.
...caloflower a Matas yeah only call fower.Now I didn't notice it. I was Lik w fuck is taste like anything. It's likeI S. that's why it's so popular right. Now the the rice colorflower and thecoloflower cross, because you get it's like Tofu, you can flavor it that tastelike fucking anything caller cus, pizzis, NAT bad. I do not recommendmaking the crust my trups pain. It is difficult as fuck did it once and myhands hurt for three so thot we just get the callfoocrusspizza. I mean it's healthy. I guess I guess it's sure guess it does hatnGluin in it. I don't Fucki Iy know what clue it is make Yue Dick Fly off INC was out war AK. You Dick fly off. U ALL RIGHT GUYS! That's going to do itfor this week's episode, thanks to much for hanging out t this again. We reallyappreciate it want to reminds you you can become a VIP. Member of this show Igot all kinds of cool rewards and Hep support the show by going to Patroncomtbl underscore pon it's threedolars a month. You get access to live streamsand all kinds of other cool perks as well as so make sure you ha out of aPatroncom lashtbl underscore pod. You can follow this show on twitter andInstagram at tbl. Underscore Pod, follow Mike Wells on twitter at MikeWTF Wells and follow me and Mike of alchais on twitter and instagram. We'llsee you guys again next week until then is always live well, rock on take careand bybye.
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