ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Why is a dog show part of Thanksgiving? Why does the poodle always win? How did John O'Hurley get mixed up in all this?
This week, Mike & Mike talk about:
- The National Dog Show
- The coming COVID-19 vaccine
- The problem(s) with online dating
Support the show on Patreon:
More info on our website:
Thanks for listening! Tell your friends!
Season 2, Episode 8 · 1 year ago
SHARE THIS EPISODE
Season 2, Episode 8 · 1 year ago
Why a Dog Show on Thanksgiving?
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Why is a dog show part of Thanksgiving? Why does the poodle always win? How did John O'Hurley get mixed up in all this?
This week, Mike & Mike talk about:
- The National Dog Show
- The coming COVID-19 vaccine
- The problem(s) with online dating
Support the show on Patreon:
More info on our website:
Thanks for listening! Tell your friends!
The following program is brought to you from the Basement Lounge podcast studio. For more information, go to basement lounge podcom. Past to really make train back as big it was in the movies. Yeah, it's comed. He's not doing anything, but I love I love movies, man. That's I mean. I was always that guy wh would go to the movies by myself. I didn't give a shit as also, back when movie tickets like five bucks, so fucking expensive. Yeah, well, again that's studios taking all the fucking money, man. Yeah, I was talking to was kind to somebody to day and they're thinking, like what do you think is going to have? What do we think's going to happen, like with movie theaters and Shit, and after like the pandemics over, and I think it's it's got to come back, I mean because the theater industry didn't just pop up out of nowhere like it had to. As people want, like we were talking, we want to get a moveors fraid to go to movie. Yeah, I know they're dropping the new wonder woman on Hbo Max on Christmas, which I'm like, I'm yeah, I want to see it. I would rather watch that in the theater you know, but I think we might see happen is kind of go back to like what they were doing like in the s and s, where like going to the movies was like an events, like you got dressed up and there was the the aim of the B movie in the a movie and kind of like how like drive in still do. It might see a bit of return to that, I mean Nice. Also. The studios just got to work on their relationship with the theaters, though, because this this whole taken a hundred percent of ticket sale and, you know, force in theaters to skyrocket their popcorn prices just to stay open. They might have to do some really negotiating after everything set in on figure something out. Yeah, because both want to survive and, quite frankly, studios aren't going to survive. They won't be able to continue to make the kind of money they want without a movie theater. Yeah, they try. They tried this year, you know. The closest they got was trolls too, and they got a little impulsive after that like say, oh well, going for will just drop all our movies vod in. The theaters were like that's not okay. Yeah, yeah, fucking do that to us, man I just can't wait for her. They go back to the normal. Yeah, I mean, well, I guess there's like three vaccines out or some shit. Yeah, two or three. I think I said the first one should be rolling out by the end of the month. It kind of kind of Larry on it all those still yeah, if fouchy wasn't, like I said, foul, she's been kind of given these the thumbs up, so I'm a little more comfortable with it. Just taste forever for usually a vaccine to be good. Yeah, like, but it's also but I also look at it as like, when's the last time we had to like hardcore big of vaccine? Oh, yeah, that's I was talking I came here host time aount and which makes sense. It's just like one of those things, just like like we did even take a year to develop this. Yeah, and it's like why it's on one hand, again, that's really quick, but also like it is two thousand and twenty. Yeah, I mean, I have seen I am legend. Yeah, it's that poor dog every time. Like I don't even know, like apparently I supposed to hand it out. It's supposed to go to medical professionals, medical personnel first and then like at risk, like higher risk, like elderly, and beforehand. Yeah, and then I think they said general public might be closer to spring of next year, like April May. Very Gray. It's I remember when this I'll started. I turned my wife was like yes, good, gonna last for like a year or two. Oh, yeah, and she like didn't believe me. I was like no, like you have to mentally prepare for what's going to happen, and she's like, stuff like this is not like a couple months, it's Ezake here and she's like and she started crying because I was like I was trying to be a Dick, but I was just like this is like, if you look at all this, that this is how this works. Yeah, this wasn't like swine flu, which is kind of went away, or fucking you know, the bowl of scare, which was kind of went away. Like this was this was big. I mean this was you don't see this. This is kind of thing you read about history books. Oh yeah, well, before I left, my wife was like somebody that she...
...graduated high school with, her ex her exces, and her husband died of from covid yesterday. I was like God, he's like the thirty five. I think she's not there to say. I don't know how old he was, but I'm assuming they were brought in the same age. So between me, thirty five and forty. That's what I'm going to say. And I'm like, what the fucking in Pairs? I did he have like any like pre existing yeah, nope, so crazy, like just that young. Nothing wrong with I'm just well, I knew it was weird. At the beginning of the pandemic, I had to go to my doctor and my doctor just to felt my prescription because I'm a comic. I money and I did pressents because I'm a comic. Yeah, that's what we do. And and I was like a sh it's gonna get bad. So I want to get this prescription philled up. Yeah, and there's two things. I knew why I was going to be bad. First off, my doctor wasn't there. What's just fine, whatever, like I've dealt with other people in the past. Yeah, but the it was like another doctor in nursepress. You can't remember what who it was. I can't remember what she was like, well, you're thirty five, you should be okay. Oh, if you get it. Oh, and now I was like nets some thirty four US, thirty four. You should be could. I just turned three. If she's like you should, and when she said should, I was like fuck, this is serious. And then they gave me they usually only getting a prescription for like three months. They gave me a prescription for a year. Holy really filled for my prescription for a year, and that was the second time. I was like this is serious. Yeah, they're waiting for something like, Oh my God, yeah, they gave me the ninety day. Actually was my I had just gotten my refill before everything really hit the fan, and then my then Kety behavioral called me and they were like so you want to go ahead and get like a another three months to have it on the safe side, and I was kind of like, how fucked are we going, y'all? Not Okay, we're that fucked? Yeah, Huh. She said should, and I was like and then when I saw like how long, I was like what the fuck? I was I had just gotten back from, I'm from a concert in Cleveland and it was sitting at the station and I got to the work at the station and everybody was already like they were had like here's your here's this letter from the state that you have to have in your car because they were putting in the curve. Here's a play, here's a press pass have in your car so you can be out driving and not get bothered. I got a cut. I was hosting Trivia and I got a call from the the TRIVA company, like yeah, they're closing down the bars, so you're not going to be hosting again for a while. Like everything happened like in a night, just all once, and it's been like this ever since this warm it was march. I just I missed going, like I don't even go out paired. I missed doing comedy, but like I miss hanging out with my friends. I got even like there's an open Mike last night. I know I got I want to it, but on my head I'm thinking like I don't want to go to an open mic just to risk getting sick right now. Yeah, I'm just gonna especially like when the end is like kind of in it's inside, like there's you can see a glimmer, a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, to get it now you've made it this far. Yeah, I was even all my mom when we had the the we had when my family had a bit of a covid scare of this past week. It's like you imagine, like making it this far and then getting it now, Oh yeah, or fucking awful. Be like well the fuck, like it's like a kick to the balls. Well, just got my little my little brother, uses student up at Kent. It's got him so scared. I mean he has been paranoid about this since day one. He didn't want to have to go back to campus. He doesn't he doesn't like having to rely on the common sense of other people. Know, yeah, because nobody has it in case and point in, his fucking roommate tested positive but then didn't tell him and then ere he was around his mom, who tested positive, didn't tell my brother that he was going to get tested because he'd been around someone it was positive, and then called my brother after my brother just gotten back from fucking campus for the rest of the semester. It was like hey, by the way, I tested positive. My brother was like when did you get tested? Oh, we could go. Yeah, couldn't have said something. Yeah.
So he was freaking out all this pat all last week. I got his got his negative results the morning of Thanksgiving. But yeah, just like he's so over all of this. Everybody is ED. Just Hmm, just one of those things. Just you can't rely on people to do to not to be the responsible person. I will say what was awesome about this weekend was, you know, I work in retail and we were busy Friday, black Friday. Right, yeah, but it was like a normal Saturday. It was like a normal Friday or Saturday and like normal circumstances, like right. So I'm like okay, because we've been slow as shit those days and like I was like, oh, this is exactly like, you know, Friday or Friday or Saturday. Will were kind of busy, like awesome. Saturday we weren't busy. Sunday weren't busy. So people are I think people like went out. We were like all right, well, we got the deals, we're not going to go out shopping anymore. Type thing. Yeah, which kind of showed me that maybe people are starting, I mean, I know people are taking it seriously. People like really starting to take us. Yeah, we went. So we went. We went bar hobbin Saturday. It was like middle of the day Bar Hobbin. Now, granted, Saturday was like small business Saturday, like downtown and and we're gone. This was packed. There was a line at the door for like feathers and heart work ntile and nice and loonas and all that, which is which is great. You know, those guys are struggling hard. But like the you know, that was the most out and about I'd been in nine months and I remember got home that night was like ten o'clock and I was like, I'm fucking exhausted. Yeah, because I had been out doing shit for the first time and God knows how long I started going. When I start going out for comedy again, like I'm going to be fucking Jesus. I am not been like I'm not looking for it to be like on the road again. It's like we're all have it. We're all doing like a factory reset on our bodies right now. Oh my God, Oh, I think I did in the summer. I had like a like six shows and one week or five or six shows and I was like fucking exhausted. MMM, but it's going to be like, you know, when you're first starting and you're hitting all the shows, but you're new and you kind of gives you like this rush that you're not used to now we're all fucking old, so we're just going to be tired and cranky. They can't do that. Can't do this like I did when I was fucking younger, before covid if work. God Shit, no, it's it's gonna be interesting, it's gonna be wild. I'm in. Justus see how everything goes. Yeah, a few months. I'm just see if, like the FDA officially says, or whatever they're trying to do, say, brought it to the FTA, the vaccine like to FTA, they had to hit a certain threshold before they would they would fully approve it, which I think is kind of what they're waiting on at this point. Gotcha, it has to hit like a like I think, like a nine s seven percent success rate before they'll improve if officially stamp it. Yeah, I think. And I think they were sitting at like ninety five last time I checked. Yeah, so it's we're close, close, but no cigar. Yeah, as my daddy say, close only counts and horse shoes and ha grenades. So not pulling out. Yeah, I just don't want another year this bullshit. It's also one of those things that it's kind of the elections, like I'm started talking about it. Well, I think I was a too like and I think when people start actually caring more, people start caring about it. Isn't like, wait, it didn't disappear after the election. Yeah, like, no shit, it wasn't going to. You fucking idiots, but go back to watch an OA and you cos it's fine. Yeah, it wasn't ever going to go anywhere. I think everybody if it first, it seemed like they weren't talking about it as much. will no shit, because the election just fucking happened. Yeah, we've been talking about covid. We know COVID's going on. We don't need to talk about it for still be here. That's I guess. That's like a fire that's...
...still burning in the background, like it's yeah, it was. So why aren't you talk about the fire? Because that fires not going anywhere. It's there. We're talking about this other thing right now. That's that was a fucking thing about election weekau is like you're like Manus, everything was taking so long. You know, I kept vote counting and then like the in your back your mind, like they're still covid, like I want like fuck, like you're watching, like the election was bad. But like they're still covid. What's worse? And that's all I get I could think about. So, Huh, yeah, this is election. Shit's crazy, but they're still all fuck. There's COVID. Yeah, because there, because every night the news the top story was something, something, election results. Our next story. Another hundred Fiftyzero people died today. It's like, Oh, yeah, that is still a thing. And then, damn, like they expect like what, three hundred K by the end of years, something like that. They're talking to because we're already of over two hundred, two hundred and seventy, I think. Are we that high? Fuck it, I keep track of it. Let's see here, because I'm a Dick like that. Yeah, not really Dick. COVID deaths and it comes up immediately when I tepn CEO. They haven't updated for today. Hundred and sixty nine. That two hundred and sixty nine thousand. Right now. They haven't updated for you're we're about to peek again. Yeah, because we still got another. Well, in two weeks it's going to go back up. Yeah, after after Thanksgiving and and then Christmas new years will be up at three cabin and a year. It's just sad I the one that has me the most borious New Year's Eve. Yeah, that's a big party one. Yeah, you know, hey, I don't know what's going to go on as far as, like, you know, programming wise with television, but all that aside, yeah, people party on New Year's if there was one, if there was one day of the year, if they said you had to get rid of every other party day of the year, we had to keep one, everybody would keep New Year's. Yeah, I mean look a fucking downtown New York. Every year people were diapers to stand in one spot for an entire fucking night. Did you watch the fucking Masi's Day prede this year? It was a joke as so fun as a fucking joke. The fucking rockhets even phoned it in. Yeah, just put on the little fucking tin soldier uniforms, just kind of marched really slowly. It's so funny as like watching like a parade for can jumpon nobody. there. was like watching trump's inauguration, like yeah, there's nobody fucking there, or his fucking campaign rally, the Tick Tock's avotage, what's back, which was glorious. Yeah, honestly, I give I give way more shit about the fucking dog show that I do the parade because I like dogs way more than I like yeah, like, I never watched it. I never watch a pared. I specifically watch prey just so I can make fun of it in life tweet at the entire house. So bad. Oh my God, I was joking. My mom was you can always tell when we can always tell when somebody on the float is actually singing because you can't get hear them. There's nobody fucking there. And I was like who is this even for at this point, like this is a lot of money and a lot of time and work and investment for nobody. Just bad, so fucking bad. They watch a dog show. I watch the Dogs I love. Pretty high by then I was pretty fucking high with crashing. It was over the dog show. They had the cardboard cutouts and yeah, I did see like I didn't see that during the because I was too fucking high, but I saw pictures about it. I was like, that is sterical. One of them was. One of them was you watched Brooklyn and ninety nine? Yeah, I know WHO's in it. Every it was. It was the captain with his dog was one. Oh, really, fucking yeah, I love that Shit with the fucking poodles. Why does a poodle got to win every fucking year? Man, is that? Who Want it? They won their they didn't win the overall, but they won their division. I was like, every fucking year. It's just weird fucking white. Why a dog show on things gay? I don't know. Well, because they because they tape it months ahead of time till it's only it's even...
...live. I didn't know that. Yeah, you should be sponsored by you can even dog food. Now I think it's just like the Humiane society and Shit. But so they can keep the guy from Seinfeld employed at this point, because it's all he fucking does is host at every fucking year. Does he really? It's the guy you played a lane's boss. I am likeing on his name. He's the he's the host of it every year for like as long as I've been alive. Shit the pit. They am a hundred million. I'm sure it really makes more doing that than he does on Seinfield or royalties too. Shit is it now? We watched I watch part of that. I remember then instant family, which I recommend is a good movie. If you're not. If you're not and you know it's fucked up, I still have not been the impostor. You still haven't a fucking imposter. I'm fucking among us. I've been the imposter so many times. I'm I'm the worst fucking imposter ever. I terrible. Time again, whatever, somebody accuses me, I'm just like no, nope, not me agree, just exit out the game. Fine, fuck it. You guys. When I like the I like to go into the chat and just and just be a fucking troll and as fuck with people. I still haven't been the fucking apop. I don't know how many hands up a fucking what. I don't know if I have a like as there setting you can hit the never in poster, because I feel like if there is, I mean I don't think so, but I yeah, ben't. I've been the imposter a lot. I just I'm terrible at it. Did you fucking what we're able, when you work the studio with the reable to watch the Mike Tyson fight? Did they have that? I watched. I watched the highlights of it the earlier today. How fucked up the Nate Robinson get hit. I Jake or Chop Paul, like Oh, held him. The fuck. I was like, you know you got hit hard when that's all anybody's talking about. When it's first time Mike spot in fifteen years, nobody's talking about Mike Tyson in the fight. They's all about the guy got a shit cocked. Damn. Like I didn't why I saw the me. I was like fuck, I saw the hit. I was like, Holy Shit, Oh my God, apparently I felt it. Jake Paul or whatever. I actually trains boxing. Oh really, yeah, I didn't. What if I was rewatching? I was like, okay, like because I first saw I don't like the Paul Brothers. I think their troll douchebags. But is this long as this is Logan Ball's brother? Yeah, Oh, Fuck Logan Paul. Well, he did. He did stick up for Harry styles. What the fuck it do? And he did stick up for it. Stuck up for something like black lives matter stuff too. What the guy's a fucking troll and a Dick. But I was like uh, like it's the first and Pike only time I'll ever agree with us from he's from Westlake. Is He really from Westlake Ohio? And so I was watching the brother and I was like Holy Shit, like I did might tie and kick and my time person in Jiujitsu and I was like I took boxing lessons. See, I was away a seconds. Guy Actually knows how like the box. Like I was watching, like I was like, Oh, apparently that's all they do, like he does anyways, because because Logan Paul did a fight with someone last year, the year before, it was in for charity and got fucking annihilated. Yeah, he's done a couple of those, like like charity fights. Well, they Robinson, is never fought in his life or whatever, boxed. I was like, fucking Jesus. Well, you could tell if you watch the shit he fought. He fought what's his name, KSI say. It was him of his brother. He was KSI versus Logan Paul and dead g versus Jake Paul. Take it big off, fine. They got big on Youtube, as Youtube because because Logan Paul went to like that, the suicide forest in Japan. I...
...remember that. That's what got him in trouble. So it was also he was just famous for doing being a fucking vlogger on Youtube. I didn't know that it's a fucking I thought was vine or you know? Yeah, they started, you're right, started on vine and then they went to but youtube was kind of where they could. After vine went away, they moved to Youtube. They've stayed the fuck off tick tock as far as I know, which is fine, but you do and make a big amount of money. Yeah, they're fine. I'm sorry US Tick Tock now because I like it, but it's really good at editing videos. It is. It's pretty. It's for a for a free mobile APP, like you can do some pre impressive shit. Yeah, video production wise on there very impressive. I was like, Huh, I can edit this super fucking fast. Yeah, because I've got a couple of editing APPs on my phone, I. Because I have adobe sweet, so I have like premier Russian stuff, and then they're fine. But yeah, you can do way more on on Tick Tock. I just want to I don't understand tick tock and I seldom understand it. That that how has you got any more views on that video, like the one that was huge? So I so so quick story. So that one is now up to, I'm going to get the exact number here, ten billion. It's like over seven hundred thousand. That's awesome. But then so there was one that I did earlier this year. It was it's an eight, I'm sorry, eight hundred and twenty four thousand. But I did one that was poking fun at Dragon Force back in like April, and it was me tending to be the singer of Dragon Force, like what does he do during these like Really Long Guitar Solos? And it's like music, standing there like I go, he'd look a plate of food, like I'm sitting like that, as I remember that videos funny. So it got like fifty, Fiftyzero views when I posted it. So apparently the guitarist for dragon forced her Joint Tick Tock, Uh Huh, and found the video and do wetted it, like showing his reaction to the video, and it's gained like another twentyzero views. And let's twenty four hours, because my first time like, Holy Shit, hermanly like the video, but now it's fucking blow it up to I've a ideos funny I'm actually pretty fucking proud of, and then I post, I posted last night. I'll occasionally, like I'll catch people like stealing like comedy bits and using them and like for their own videos and shit. So then I'll and they'll go viral. So then I'll post the actual comedy clip to my tick Tock and be like yeah, you didn't, you didn't start this like jams. One was. One was the Robin Williams like at the for at the Last Supper, where they're like one of you will betray me and Peter says it me Jesus and Jess his nos, not you, Peter and Simon said, is it meet Jesus? And Jesus knows, not you. Simon and Juda said, is it me Jesus? and Jesus said, is it? Mean? He didn't? Now are they lip syncing him? Are Do no, there it's like they're just doing the bit like it's their own. Oh my God. And so then I posted the Robbie Williams clip and everybody was like, Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I'm Beau. First fucking live and Broadway special. Not Forget about it. And it was twelve. You just watched it. There's one where somebody like did the the Ron White, like we're all gay, like do you watch porn? Things? Like post of that Clib and then somebody else was talking about like it's like there's so many different ways to describe bad words and there's more ways to describe bad words and there are bad words. And I was like, George Carlin, one thousand nine hundred and seventy eight in the round, posted that clip, but it's already got like like tenzero fucking videos, like I feels the comedy specialifed fucking seen it. People is Bullshit. Can just steal people's you'll see where they're like. They'll steal memes, like they'll take the concept of a meme and like, oh my fucking idea. I think I told you about the guy I busted who was ripping off Pablo Francisco. The one time. I don't fuck around people. I best like I didn't bust comic first tire standing person and I was like that's a really good joke. I mean it was like a first time I ever saw him and we've been doing it not that long. Might have been like one first or second time up right. He's like yeah, and I that was him. Yeah, that's a meme my soul, and I was like, Oh, you can't, you can't do that. He's like why not? It's not okay, it's not yours. She's like okay, you know, I'm sorry with it, but but like now, just like like what I don't and I...
...can't stand as people who do prank videos online. Yeah, but they are always taking other people's Prank. Yes, like, that's not it's your idea. Yeah, come up with an original prank. Yeah, yeah, not a big fan of prank videos to begin with, but I was just annoying to me, I guess, like the ones I hate more is when it's a prank video but it's obviously staged. Oh, yeah, for sure, because because none of Y'all can act. Yeah, the girl that she like duct tapes the bowl of flower to the to the counter. Honey, can give me that bowl? Oh, you want this one right here? Okay, sure, thing, Babe. What the flower of the face? Fuck you, she's getting fucked by some dude. That's the real prank. You Got Flower over your face. I got Dick in my bad because the bowl the face. Some naked dude with a wash cloth overs dick runs away real quickly. fucking distraction, a fucking Ninja Star. Shit, no, I just prank videos. fucking PISS. I did do it. I did record one prank video. Was it was I was I was. It wasn't really praying video as a reaction video. I had my wife sitting there. I was her reaction is scare movie, and I told her I gave her hurt pies. I'm just joking. The really fuck it up, H I've always want to do that too, though. I gave you her what. That always makes me think of the Family Guy Bit. We're Billie. He's like it's called for her boyfriend, Joanie. I got back at my results back from the doctor today. I have herpes. You should get yourself tested. Okay, will you stay, Joani? What? Will you stay with me, knowing that I have her bees? Yes, I will, joony. I don't have herpes. I just wanted to know that you would stay, and then like some fucking Sarah mclachlin song please in the background. I know exactly what you're talking about. That's so funny shit. I just want to know you'd stay. I have AIDS. That's how you really spun. That's how you fucking really fuck e been writing any commulately, but trying, man. I had a couple ideas of jotted down, but nothing like promising it. Fuck it. Look such a fucking Schmuck it happens. I'm not doing it. It's well, yes, it's really hard to write. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not doing anything, even what I've been doing it. I got back on tender again. So we'll see what fucking for Dick was vicariously through me way my Dick was vicariously through you. We'll see. Man, I've been laid my ears. He said you gotta have sex that have herpes. Man, I've been late in five years. Yeah, yeah, at some point it. It's odds. It's got to happen at some point, but each like dating APP wise. Like, I've never did tender. I've tried tender bumble. Okay, cupid. I tried match, like I loold. I tried like matcheny harmony at one point, dude, just like the legit ones you got to pay for. That's how me and my wife man was match really yeah, never had any luck ever. I was literally something for her to do. Quote, that's what she said, but never she never thought we'd get married. That's fuck the that's fucking funny. She was really bored. She's getting her master's degree and she just wanted something to do. Yeah, I was like, sexually, she's like no, not sexually, Alice, somebody, and I was. I own that. We're married right now. The biggest probably run into is so many, so many accounts on all these APPs nowadays. Aren't even their body accounts, saying well, they're a their BOT accounts, and then they're also, it's a lot of polly couples who are looking for someone else to tea play with and it's like yeah, now, I'm good, I'm good. I don't know, I don't know. I don't want to fuck you while your husband watches from the closet wearing a superman tshirt, like I'm good, but the flash is...
...okay, flash fine, superman not so much. I don't you know, I don't need to like hear him scream. Know that he's in there jerking off while I fuck you and then he screams up up in a way as he comes, like it's a fun. Yeah, it's a lot of BOT accounts, a lot. It's a lot of polly couples and it's just also, I've had people people like are so just like like bitchy on those things, like they're like, instead of saying like something like bragging about themselves, they'll be like I'm not here for X Y Z, so if you are, just swipe on left to keep going art. Fuck you. Also, I want to throw the throw throw this out there to all the women who are single MOMS on dating APPs. Having a kid is not a personality. Yeah, like, I can't tell you how many of them are. Like it's like, you know, like if you go like, okay, cubid, you got to fit like all the different sections, and all of them start with why are the kids so or like everything about them is just the fact that they have kids. I don't care that you have a kid, but that's all you have going for you, I don't care to know you. Yeah, like that's if that's your whole personality, is the fact that you have kids. Like you have deeper seated issues than I care to deal with. Yeah, you're probably amazing in bed, though. They left. That's true. Crazy. I've been Larry about on his joke as like diet is so hard has the word die in it, and sex can be so bad. It has the word x and it's like a buddy. Yeah, yes, how great can either of them really be? Yeah, both. I just eat a pizza and jerk off called. They that sounds like a fucking fantastic haven't done that since this morning. I would never say haven't done that in a couple of hours. Right. What you were saying. Clad I missed the dating like I never really did. I got on tender not because I was trying to look for anybody. I literally was trying to write a joke about tender. Oh really, yeah, I don't like. I got here because I've never done tender before and never write and then by every has a tender joke. So I decided to scrap it. I said I had two throw Tis my girlfriend. I time my my wife was my girlfriend's. I was like, listen, like I have a tender APP on my phone. I was a you can totally go through it if you want to. I am not talking anyway. I'm literally trying to figure a joke out. She's like, I don't care, you don't. I've known comics who will use dating APPs to plug shows. Oh yeah, I don't actually that too. They would just they would just swipe on like fuck it, everybody in beer. Can we go out? Not, but I got a show coming up, but you know, the end of the month, which I'm like, fuck it. Free Advertising and never did. I've never done any of those dating APPs. I ain't like not tender bumble or the swipe ones. Yeah, I didn't match because because, yeah, like I had a feeling, like my thing. I was like, I don't want to just meet somebody to fuck. Yeah, I guess it's never been my thing. Honestly. I told my friend while ago. She's like, I can never find any good guys in plenty of fish. I was like, plenty of plenty of fish is a fucking sewer. Yeah, I was like, well, it's free, right. She's like yeah, I was like, what the fuck did you expect if they're not using the point? Even even match has a free version. But like, unless you're paying for the people want, I paid for that Shit. Yeah, I paid for like three month subscription at one point or something. My mom paid for it once, which I was like, cheese, okay, mom, I get it. Damn, thanks for your subscription. She bought me like a three month subscription one time. She was like. I was like, okay, that's crossing the line. Uh, I don't have a lot of lines to cross. That's one of them. Just trying to find you a girl. tryance because well, it's because my younger brother is married and the other ones basically engage living with his girlfriend. They just bought a house together, and so it's like so whenever we do like family pictures and shit, it's like all the couples and then there's Mike with the dog. Usually that's how I savor me. So it's probably reason why I'm doubling down so hard, like all the cat...
...pictures, is because it's like I'm it's like all these fucking couples. It's like, you know, fuck you, here's my cat and here's my cat, here's my cat. And if you are getting a Christmas card for me this year, it's going to be a weird, creepy picture with the kid you're letting you know right now, like me shirtless holding a pipe and just holding her right here. And it's for my wide friend on his tender profile, like he'll messes people at war when he's at working on like I'll send them the first message, like just a joke. Usually they don't work, but he has AIDS now, so fuck him now. It's just I don't really miss doing that at all. I will say like ever since, especially because of covid I haven't had much of any other choice, but when I started going to the APPS is definitely would like my dating life suffered the most. Really, yeah, again, it's online dating. I talk about this on stage. Online daty of people. Wait, too picky. Now it does. I basically get to build your perfect person and no one's willing to. I hate to use the words settle, but they won't settle for anything short of their perfect person. It's like the perfect person that your look where doesn't exist. Yeah, part of what's a good relationship almost it's a good dating experience, just getting to know each other as the other part. Two is because you they make you put so much of yourself in your fucking you know bio, that when you match you got nothing to fucking talk about. It's like, so, what do you like? While there's a did you read my profile? That's it, that's me, that's that's it. It's like it's the equivalent of I like blow job and hitting women. What it's the equivalent of like when you when you apply for a job online and they're like what about this? Well, if you read my fucking resume that you made me submit, I know when I was doing that Shit. I can't remember how long my profile was, but like I always felt like so I want a couple good days to people, like I good times. It was the one. This is gonna sound bad, I had to like stab her finger because Shit, because she's diabetic. than she actually wears an insulent pump and we're at top golf and she was like getting really like lightheaded, like really really really lightheaded, and she like needed like to figure out what her blood thing was, but she couldn't. Her thing would not work, and so, Oh shit, I get just and sell us. I was like wow, we talked somebody and she's like do you have a good knife or something, and the guy was like, I think I mean as I can bring you on broader one. And she couldn't physically do it herself because she had to stab herself. So like I'm sitting there like stabbing her finger, ha ha ha. Finally fucking got did that and then I think we're actually going to have sex that night. I had a feel you had to, you had to stab her repeatedly through a medical emergency. So feel like it was gonna go towards that. Not that was planning for it, but I had it like it was a very weird vibe because we'd seen each other quite a few times. It was a weird vibe. I was like okay, and then that happened and then like we talked flid after that. But then I start talking to my ex one, not my ex wife, Jesus, my wife now, and I just like I mainly started because, like she see one on vacation, Blaa, Bob, this and that. We weren't exclusive or anything, so I was like, well, I'll just she went on vacation and yeah, she want a vacation like two or three weeks. HMM, and like I just stopped talking to her. I'm at my wife. I usually when I'm when I'm first meeting someone and getting to know them. In this is more of a me thing. But like I cannot be the person. I cannot always be the person. Do it to initiate a conversation. Yeah, I can put up with that for a couple days, but then I'll have a day we're like, I'm not going to text first, like if you want the fucking talk to me, fucking talk with me. Yeah, if you're I'm I'm sorry, and that's that's a meeting and I maybe I've missed out on some shit. I really couldn't give a fuck if you're not, if you don't have the fucking adult fortitude to text me...
...first once in a while, like I'm not gonna. I cannot be responsible for the communication in this relationship. That makes sense at dating is weird. It's like a game like that. Nobody knows the rules to like do I text first or not? But doesn't make me look clingy, like I don't know what the fuck's going on. Yeah, and it's all different from pretty nice. It's all different person to person. To some people, some girls like on, like on like the dating APPs. They want you to sound like a really cute introduction message. Some are cool with you to saying hey, it so yeah, some are cooled you saying hey, nice shoes, want to fuck. I mean it's it does actually work, but yeah, it's a game that nobody has a rule book for and we're all just making it up as we fucking go. So well, joy married life on that last yeah, probably kill myself. Well, last, like we're getting into work. It is inevitable. Yeah, it is your destiny. Oh No, first time I called her, she fucking literally was like yeah, I gotta go. No, all right. We talked for like five minutes or something's like yeah, I gotta go, and like okay, do we talk for like a week or two? As very weird. It's like I think I'm message out of a louse from there, like Cablem do something. Yeah, we're you one of those who, like you, had to constantly be in communication and, where you can, was going like a whole without talking. M I don't know. At that time, back in the day, I was constant communication, but yeah, like that set when I was dating at that point in time, it was not constant, like I don't care. Yeah, I used to be like I used to, I think what it was like in my relationships in the past, like I put all my energy into those relationships. Yeah, to where like it wasn't about appeasing as about peasing them and not myself. That's that's an easy hold of all down. Yeah, and then this one, I I comedy, and then, like with this one, I was like, Oh, I got commed, like comedy a piece is me, like I want to do comedy, like and she got that, but it wasn't like constantly communication between you or her. Yeah, like and that's how I think our relationship has been so well. Is like when we first started seeing each other, like every relationship I ever been in prior to this one was we'd hang out like a lot of times a week, like maybe three or four times a week. Eventually, more and more we see each other like every day type thing. Yeah, and this relationships like once a week for like a really long time and maybe then and twice a week. You guys, we're into yours at that point. Yeah, yeah, I think that's a big part of it too. Is like you get into your s, you got your kind of your life set, you've got a routine set and the things you want to do. You're kind of looking for someone who's either willing to go along with that or will to let you have your time to do why thinks of the comedy works so well is because like even like when I'm not busy, like when I was busy with comedy, like I'd say her once or twice a week would be like us living together, but we live together obviously, but like like how we know where those when we were first dating, it's like yeah, once your twice week type thing. Yeah, I don't I guess that's the easy hole. The fall through fall down is like to appease the other person constantly. But that's all all my relationships been. Want to yeah, I've been. I've been in a lot where it was like bedding over backwards to make them happy. You know, fuck me, but you know, and they're not fucking yet and they're not fun. I've had I had one, I had a couple of those where it's like I'm spending money, using gas, giving up free time and I'm not getting laid. Yeah, what am I doing? Yeah, it's definitely a as if I don't miss those days. Yeah, sorry, like, get the fuck out, no longer co host. It's just downt know dating. I couldn't right now. I just...
...well, dating right now during a pandemic would be very difficult. Yeah, but even even prior I mean just dating in two thousand and twenty, dating in this time in general is just especially our generation. Yeah, people have gotten divorces, though, because the pandemic. Okay, yeah, you would. Suddenly you got to spend all your time with this person. It's like, I don't realize how fucking annoying you are. Yeah, well, I had eight hours a day that I could be away from you. I mean it's fucking crazy. I wonder how many relationships have gotten ruined. I don't know, man. I can't wait to see those, those numbers post covid like no more, no more death and infection numbers. I want to see the divorce rate. Twenty seven billion percent. It's no longer one in two marriages. It's not fucking one in one. Shit. I mean, I know people gotten divorced because of the pandemic. It's just so fucking weird. And you have also seen so many people get married. Yeah, like, not just to you. I know so many people who got married this year. It's weird. Shit. There's if there's a fucking industry for it now, for doing like like like zoom weddings and shit is a really only certain states allow it. But the certain states that allow it there they're going crazy because a certain states required that the official can be in the fucking room, but there's like five or six states where that's not they just have to be like present in some form. So like over Webcam was considered like legal. So like people been getting married in those states like crazy. HMM. I suppose everywhere else are weddings are just I've been getting canceled or every which has been going down and doing doing the legal process and just calling it a day. Doing well, we're lucky. We only had like six people our wedding. anyways. Yeah, tiny ass weddings. We have no friend not no friends, but it's cheaper. It's fucking the hellill cheaper. Only can talked about my brother and his wife when they were up in me and they had a huge fucking one, and they're like yeah, like it was cool, but like we didn't get to do anything. We're so busy taking pictures and making sure everything was going okay and all that Shit. We didn't atually, like they're like we didn't get the fucking eat and I was like that's fucked up, but the food was good. If the food is delicious, just letting you guys know. They didn't. They did a mashed potato. Barca says his my sister in law's favorite meal is like Thanksgiving Dinner. She loves she's all about matched potato life. So you got like a like a fucking Martini glass and it was potatoes and then it was like build your build your mashed potatoes down down the bar that's it was amazing, so good. What is your what is your favorite thanks getting this? I'm all about the fucking the potatoes, man, the mashed potatoes and and the MAC and cheese. I'm Mac and cheese, yeah, but but I've never had to like want. I've never had a bad thanksgiving meal. HMM, my mom, I mean might's my mom's favorite holiday. She goes Turkey, mashed potatoes, two difer kinds of mat potatoes, MAC and cheese, stuffing, all the veggies, all the pies, the great I was thought of somebody, the Great Simpson. Yesterday I was like be even even like bad gravy can make her, can make her break. Thanks. Yeah, you fuck up the gravy like because as good as everything is, I still want to drown in gravy. So that's the only time I really eat mashed taoes. I feel like and I always like mashed potatoes. I want Maschdas and some one time I eat stuffing, one thing I fucking hate, but I'll eat one thing. I of mixing those match tail is Sour Krout. See, I hate sour krout. I fucking hate sour krout too, but I'll make it with match potatoes all goddamned ay I'll hate it. Almost taste like pussy. I'm it doesn't. Now Pussy things better. I don't know about that. The right well, the right one. Okay, maybe you're right. I've been saying. I'm not saying all of them do. I've had something, but as just I don't know, like think, I don't know. So. So Sour Crout with match tas is so fucking good. Let me score. My match dais is pretty good. I used to parents that was funny. That's why I have trust issues. Like cauliflower and match tits. Yeah, I...
...call flier now. I didn't notice it and I was like, well, the fuck is there? Are really taste like anything. It's like it. That's why it's so popular right now, the the rist cauliflower and the cauliflower cruss, because you gets it's like Tofu. You can flavor it. That taste like fucking anything. Color cuss pizzas not bad. I do not recommend making the crust trust painting it is difficult as fuck. Did it once in my hands hurt for three so now we just get to Califiler crusts pizza. I mean it's healthy. I guess. I guess it's sure, guess it does not gluten in it. I don't fucking on. You know what gluten is? Makes Your Dick fly off, which watched out far? Yeah, makes your Dick fly off. All right, guys, that's going to do it for this week's episode. Thanks so much for hanging out this again. We really appreciate it. Want to remind you you can become a VIP member of this show and got all kinds of cool rewards and help support the show by going to Patreoncom tbl underscore pod. It's three dollars a month. You get access to live streams and all kinds of other cool perks as well, so make sure you have a Patreoncom tbl underscore pod. You can follow this show on twitter and instagram at tbl underscore pod. Follow Mike Wells on twitter at Mike WTF Wells, and follow me at Mike of all Shays, on twitter and instagram. We'll see you guys again next week. Until then, as always, live well, rock on, take care and by bye.
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