The Basement Lounge
The Basement Lounge

Season 2, Episode 94 · 2 months ago

Walmart Nostalgia

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

We're reminiscing about the years we spent working for one of the biggest retail chains in the world!

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Follow Mike & Mike on Twitter:

Mike Shea - @mrmikeshea

Mike Wells - @mikewtfwells

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Check out our website for more fun stuff:

https://www.tblpod.net

Why they take me thirty seconds to write about being a dead kid, but I can't write anything about my own child. What I mean. I'm also pretty sure I'm Gary Oldman, and I just don't know it because he's such a good act. Gary old One doesn't even know who Gary does tequila those terrible things to me, m g K gets good to be on the other side of I'm a father, I have never I have no reference to that. I got one job I ever like wanted that was like funk, yeah, And I questioned why they gave it to me. That current job now it's a lot. Now it's a lot. My last prevention job, like I always want to do lost prevention Walmart, and like I interviewed for it, like I mean that position was like so like so many people wanted that position, like inside that worked for internally and outside like well called and I gave it to him and I was like, that's my boss, was like, why did you give me the job? He was like, only one thing, there's one thing, he said, you said, you like to watch people. Gave me the job. That was I remember when I worked at Walmart, we had we had the guy who was the head of loss prevention, and then we had the undercover guy. Ye were the undercover guy I was training before I before I quit. I was actually grim's a bad word, but they were basically training me to take over my like I was. At that point. I become a district trainer for training the other people doing my job, and I was getting kind of trained to do take over my boss's position, who was going to get promoted. But then I had to take care of my dad for some stuff and stuff like that. But yeah, I know that's what um, that's the only job like I ever applied for that. I was like, I really wanted this job and I got it, and I was like, what the fuck? Our our undercover guy was cool because he looked like he looked like like Walter White. I looked like a piece of ship. He looked like he was gonna just fuck you up because he he even had like a fucking scar on the side of his head and everything. But he was the nicest guy. We're I mean, like it was like the best, Like it was the most fun job. It's actually probably the hey, why it's not that great at the time benefits, Yeah, but like it was like the most fun and best job I've ever had. Yeah, like I loved doing what I what I did, Like, I loved it, and uh, I still don't know why. I mean, I know why they gave me a job. I was still blows my mind. That was like they had like cops applied for that, people that have entire cops and our guy was like X Navy seal, like like he had that scar for a reason. And I'm like sitting there and like, what the why, Like I'm just some young kid at the time that worked entirely when express I was like he was literally like because I worked I saw shells for like two years. No, I have like a year the entirely was expressed for like a year and did that for like seven So I was just like he's like, yeah, you just the one thing is like you said you just like watching people. Yeah. I was like, Well was one of those places where it's like if you if you can make them think you'd give a ship, you can get promoted pretty quickly. Oh for sure, I got. I got put over in charge of grocery after I'd been there four months. Oh really, Yeah, because I act like I gave a ship and I and I tried I never wanted any other position. That was only position I wanted. That was it, And I was just like, I still want that position at Verizon, but it's impossible. There's so few and they hire like high up people when a retired or were high up in like police departments or FBI or ship like this Verizon. I get, and you're dealing with such high demand. I mean, well had the ability to look at paper work and newer stuff went missing. Yeah,...

I could do it, Like like we turn our stores like three point five million and shrinked under two hundred thousand in less than two years. Holy shit. Yeah, because we realized I've realized it was a lot of us paperwork issues. That's what's going on. Some theft, but some paperwork issues, like a lot of it, Like I feel like seventy five and nine was paperwork issues. They just getting filed wrong. And then that's normally what it is. Well, we're in grocery. It was always hard to tell what your theft was in grocery because there's so much stuff. Yeah, I mean we had two hundred boxes of Jiffy Corn cornbread mix on the shelf at any given time, just out out of the sales floor. There was one time I remember it was always when it was around graduation time. I knew to keep an eye on where on the alcohol because every graduation time we would always have teenagers come and trying to steal beer. There was what it was. Because the thing is with Walmart, and you know this because you did ask protection is only salaried members of management are allowed to actually stop shoplifters. But yeah, well that's what I mean. Yeah, um, especially in South Carolina where there's no citizens resting, arresting, complete changes now. I think so because because by the time when I was working there, there was one time it was it was, you know, the weekend of graduation, and I was in there and I watched this fifteen year old put a six pack of beer in his in his backpack and start walking off. And I'm on my and all all the big big dogs in management were in their meeting, and I'm sitting there on my headset, going I just watched the kid put a put a six pack of beer in his backpack. No answer, he's walking towards hardware. It's walking towards theyse he's out in the garden center. He's in the parking lot. So then I had to go fill out the report, fill up a report or whatever, and they're like, well, why didn't you say anything. I said something into the you guys go in that meeting and take your ear pieces out. None of you heard me say anything about it. That's right. Well, even management's not really supposed like how this train is, Like they really weren't supposed to without it was like without one of us, unless it was like blatant. Sorry still so um yeah, they told us like only only people who were salaried because they were because at least in South Carolina, because there's no there is no legal citizens arrest in South Carolina. So that's like like bounty hunters don't exist in South Carolina. They're not suppose there's bail bondsman, but not bounty hunters because you have to be actual law enforcement. But because people who are salary are considered um I don't want to say owners, but like but they have authority over the property, they're allowed to stop him. I guess I got so many fights at that job. I'm sure he fights. I funked up my back, oh yeah, yeah, like I was like I was still in training. It was like my first month and only I think I was in week three and we went to the Moraine Walmart, which is like shitty Walmart, and they were training me, and like, all of a sudden, like this this big gass motherfucker in this chick. I was trying to walk out all these groceries, like groceries, DVDs, anything you could possibly think of, like tons of it, like and like I can't remember. They had like a little over a thousand dollars with the stuff and like so like they stop him and they're like being kind of cool about it, and all of a sudden, fucking the one guy starts. This dude's like bigger than you, but like also taller too, six seven. Yeah. I'm like we're like and then like all of a sudden, like Scott who was training me, and uh Mark, we're like walking with the guy and me and the chick. I can't think of the chick's name. We're walking with the chick. So I'm still training, so like I'm like okay, and then...

...the dude just like takes a swing at Scott. Scott throws him on the ground, and the chick takes a swing at at the chick I was with naked on the ground. So what I did was I just say, fucking like instinct was just fucking I picked her up in like a half Nelson picked her up like immediately, and I felt my back pop, but it didn't hurt because it's like an adrenaline rush. Like I'm like kind of like a fight marks running back and forth because you don't know what the fuck forgot I was working because I was still new. Yah. He just then reads her in his head because like you always work with somebody else and it's like kind of like your partner at that point. In this case, something goes down and like so he thought she was by herself, and then he didn't realize I was there. But then he went back to us and realized, oh fuck, Mike, Scott list under control. And then fucking he runs back there and fucking the fucking Scott through the guy down so hard because after he took a swing at Scott fucking knocked out his front tooth. The dude, literally you watched the camera guys like swings at Scott, Scott's like nope and just throws him on the ground. Shit, And then like you watched the video with me, it's like you see the chick getting fight, getting the fight with the girl that's lost prevention or asset protection. Most people know it has lost prevention, but Walmart called an asset protection, which is always weird to me. Yeah, and there's there's like bookshelves up front, like those like gun dollars up front. The head books on them, like you see in the video, just smacked them that she falls on top. The chick that stole the ship falls on top of the other girl. I just fucking grab her as soon as I possibly can, and she's like, you're grabbing my tit. I'm fbi, h you're grabbing my tit. And I was like I don't care and I'm not grabbing FBI. I always remember that ship and the dude that we've scared. We scared so bad. This guy was really nice. We're scared so bad that like as soon as we grabbed him, we freaked out because he grabbed his dick. She's like, gotta go to the bathroom, Like right now, they're not doing anything, so I gotta go. He's like all right, So he literally goes to the bathroom and he's like he pissed. It's like I had to go. When you stopped me, you guys almost literally scared the piss out of me. Jesus. And he was like and it was nice after that at that point. Yeah, And he didn't want because they look at he just like I was like, what the fund you crap And he's like he's got a hold. He's like walking up to the bathroom was like his dick not out, but like grabbing his pants is holding so he doesn't piss him. Yeah, trying to pinch the hose. We had. We had one family. There was this guy and his wife and their kid and they went and they you can they're always who buy ship, like they buy ship to hide the factors stealing other ship. So like they had bought it is the oldest trick in the book, but one of those like big plastic rubber ma containers and put a bunch of ship in the container. But they had the kid sitting in the cart on top of the container. Uh. And so they paid for the container and some other ship, and we're going out to go out the door, and like right when they get to the door, someone walks up and stops him and h told him they need to see inside the container. And they started arguing about and arguing about when they got him to show him inside the containers, all kinds of ship in there, and it's like, not only did you steal, you got your kid involved. Dude, I've had to have him so much. We had one guy could use his kid. The kid was like five, did not know what was going on. He would he would like have his kid, he'd pick everything out and then put it all in bag. It's already bag, and then he would leave and have his kid push it out. Oh my god, how fucking Eventually, like we're like, dude, we called the cops already he left his kid there? No, Yeah, I felt so bad. Oh my god. Yeah, We're like I cannot believe that. I mean, obviously a piece of ship. Oh but we'd seen him in the past before, and uh, because we're not going to stop a kid, like we're not, No,...

...you're gonna traumatize that. So we don't know what he's doing. So like we've always wanted to make sure that ever happened that we wanted the cops there. To the cops like just because you know, blah blah blah, then take care of the kid and get the fucking dad who's a piece of ship. And so he left his kid at the store because he saw the cops pool up. Because like we deal with him like three or four times, the cops never got there soon enough. Because what happened is we we'd call or he'd see us have everything together, we'd call, and then he would leave, not pushing to have the kid push anything out because you know something's up. He even caught Yeah, so at this time we'll have he never saw us and we call the Hey, the kids here, he's here. He's already outside the kids. And then he literally saw the copspool up and just drove off. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And then we had another guy who's in a wheelchair. This is the best one. This is a wheelchair. This is the best one. Like apparently this guy stole a bunch of ship. Finally came to our store. But nobody like cauld figure out what was going. They'd stop him. They couldn't find anything. And so like this guy, like he literally because the rule is if you go in like a dressing or a bathroom, you can't stop the person, period. That was the rule. Like, because you don't know, they could have flushed it your guy, right of it. You don't know what's happened, even though like no, but anyways, it's the way you flushed DVDs down. I could have literally heard you flushed DVDs down a toilet or blue rays like it would have been a lot of noise. You can't go, you can't go. I don't know. I got allowed fucking coughs and uh, I remember this wanting goes in the fitting room and like with all these blue rays is blue is a big thing and there's no such thing as digital downloads at the time, because I gave mind. This is like twelve plus years ago. Yeah, I was worked, and uh, he comes out there not there, like that's where he doesn't happen any where they are. They stop. I'm like, hey, where are you stuff? He's going a gun man. You can search me only I don't go. And I'm like, I get sick a tired with you your guys other stores saying I stole ship. I turned to Rick, who was like, Rick, those paths that he has that he's sitting on, they have pockets in them. I was like, I was like in a zipper. I was like, hey, get off your wheelchair or moving into the seat. He's like, no, you're not, because then you see him and look at his face is like ship fuck because my dad's in a wheelchair, so you know how they work. Yeah, I get off. I was like, all right, what we're gonna do? I was it, we gonna do this the easy way, or we can call the police whatever. I was like, listen, like we can have you sit on the bench and look at your wheelchair, we can call the cops to do it's whatever out you want to go. He's like, fun, call the cops. I don't care. I got nothing. I'm gonna sue you guys out of that. That was also a piece of ship, like he was a druggie. And I was like all right, called the police, and police like all right, and and then like he didn't he think we didn't think we'd call. We called come in because he thinks you guys don't want to go through the trouble. Yeah, And the guy's like basic call him causing us see the entire time to where people are like looking like we think we're harassing somebody and uh uh all right, and they literally he's like, h I'm not going down. Don't let you and I was like, Sarah, you have soon and eventually gets out of where to put him on the dens zip it. Oh there's all, and he was like, now you can rep the basement lounge out in public by checking out some of the merch that we have available on our website. Just go to tbl pod dot net slash store. That's tbl pod dot net slash store and check out some of the T shirt and other merch designs we have for you featuring our logo, some of our favorite bits, as well as a homegrown Humor official T shirt as well. Once again, just go to tbl pod dot net slash store and check out some of the cool merch we have there for you now. Jesus yeah, because then what is...

...he going to say then? Because he got people in trouble, like other people in the area in trouble because they didn't realize to look, oh in the chair, they had stopped it. And when it's a guy in a wheelchair, that's yeah, that's old lady, go Jesus Christ. Like she was like trying to be like, oh, like, I'm like, I'm that these guys harassing this dude, this and that and another. I had a mom one time I saw this kid, I gotta say he was black for the kid was black and mom was black. Obviously, I gotta say that for a reason. And that's the end of the story. Okay, So I see his kid and like he walked by, and I was like, that motherfucker's got ready to steal something. He's like twelve three. I didn't say motherfucker, but I was like, I did that job for so long. I just knew somebody had something. You knew what to look for, knew the sign. I was like. And then that I was like, Okay, I was like, that kid's going to the bathroom. I know the rules, and like I go in the bathroom. I really hear him opening things up. Never saw him grabbing. I'm hearing him opening everything up, all right, listen, like I pretend to piss in the gearnal he walks out. I'd literally go on the back back stall. There's like seven PSP games, so you know how tiny PSP games are. There's seven mt PSP cartridges games. So I'm like, that kid stole that ship because he was in there for like twenty minutes opening in it. Because some would ever somebody walk in he'd stopped real fast and not make a noise, and then when they as soon as they leave, he'd like start doing it again. And I actually did it one time. I pretended to open up the door. Let's say there and just listen. Almost laughed, but anyways, like I stopped him. I was like, hey, man, like, I just want my like and it's literally to the point if they're under a certain age, like you don't call the cops if they're with their parents. One time you ever call the cops. As if they're not with their parents, there's no guardian. So I'm like, hey, I just want my Can I just have my games? Like I literally asked the mom and her the bomb and him. I was like, just can I just please have my games? Like I know, like I showed him the empty boxes and I don't have your games? Like okay. I was like, ma'am. I was like, listen, how older he told me he's like tweld. I was like, listen, we're not going to call the cops. I just literally want my games back. I don't want to like it's like nope, I don't have your games, and moms like she ain't he ain't got your games man, he ain't got your games. I was like, all right, like, I'll ask you one more time. Can I just please have my games back? I know you have them. He's like, I got a games. He's like I told me. He's like, well, I'm gonna call the police. She's like, fine, you can call the police. They don't find anything, we're gonna sue you. Like she's going like off on him, like that's fine, cops come pat him down, like we don't feel anything. I was like, I was like, Steve, there, this tiny go into his pockets and she's like, I told you he doesn't have anything, blah blah blah, like I need to talk to your manager this and that. Steve goes into his park and no, Steve is r J r J. Goes into his pockets, pulls out all the games and she's literally like, throw the fucking book at him. Don't let him home because I swear to guy that black mom. Right, She's like, I'm gonna beat his ass because he looked like making me look like a bad mother. He's like, you would you done embarrassed your mama? Motherfucker like like that, And I was like, oh my god. And the guy and the kid was like, I don't want to go home. He knew he was fun. He's like, I throw the book at him. He's sucking the wording. I was like even, I was like, what the fuck? That is amazing? Holy sh it, man, I I never had a whole because I was just the grocery dudes. Like I never saw it was. I was by the random happenstance. I would I would see your witness some of this ship. We weren't playing clothes. I got a fight one you were just I got a fight on third shift, and like the only person, yeah, we weren't twenty four hours store.

I got out a fight on third shifts. We rarely worked third shifts because nothing. The only time I ever happened on it's like usually have like a big theft. Whatever are you usually gonna get like three customers throughout the whole night. But every now and then, like we just worked like a They're like, hey, you want to schedule a third shift for like the week, but yeah, fine, see what happens whatever, And like the only person knew who I was was the management. So like all of a sudden, I see this guy he like he like takes a bunch of these digital picture frames at the time and rings them out on their self checkout for a dollar each. It was like ten digital picture frames. Holy sh it. I was like, all right, that's were the sailor. He's ringing them up as now he grabs he grabbed the item that was on sale, replaced the upc cot. Yeah clever. So I'm like, okay, uh style. I was like, hey, man like, and he was with other dudes that had no idea what was going on. Like that's why I was like, they didn't know. They were just hanging out with him, and he to talk to you about the the you know, there's a pictul frames like blah blah blays. I don't know what you're talking about. It's like these digital pictul frames that you rang out for ten dollars total when they're fifty bucks apiece. I think they were more than that. And then like he was like okay, And I was like, and I told that his friends. I know, you guys weren't involved, Like you didn't see any of this because they, honestly, like he, they were onto the side when he was ringing stuff out, they were looking at other things, and he grabbed the ship when they weren't even looking, weren't even with him. They just happened to meet up at the very end, and then they were just waiting from the cash out like you guys are good to go, like you guys, because they were shocked, like what the fuck? They leave and then the dudes like hey, and he's adding completely chill with me, and all of a sudden, he goes like das some fucking swings at me as hard as he can. So I'm like, I literally like, the rule is if you're on the you're not allowed to harm somebody or fight unless you're on the defense. So I was like, okay, you can't. I can't, I can't throw fists, I can't whatever, but you're allowed to try to put somebody in the hold or whatever. Well, the guy threw a hand at me, threw his hand at me, so I was like, I literally was, and I put him in like a half nelson and put my hand on my leg and just threw him on like trip them up on the ground to put him on the ground. So it was like on top of him. I was on top of his back while my arm fell right by his mouth, and so what he did was he bit me as hard as he fucking possibly could. Oh my god. So I was just like in my head, I'm thinking, all right, this no joke, analoqualm some ship. I'm on top of him, but he's biting me on defense or offense right now? So what I and like what I literally did, like the steel cages they have at like the malls and stuff in front of shops, when they have those obviously in front of the nail salons up at walmarts and stuff like that, I literally picked him up, like off the ground, just bounced him off one of those, like multiple times. Because at this point, I'm like, you fucking bit me. It's on, like, what the fuck Jesus Christ, you fucking bit me over some digital picture? I know, Like, dude, I just wanted my ship, like you bit me. And if you watch the video, like I threw him off that and at one point apparently he punched me. I don't remember it because like I'm like, because, yeah, I don't know, because the only as I knew was like at that point, somebody thought two customers were fighting because I'm in playing clothes right and third ship, they kind of don't enforce the dress code. Yeah, and so like they thought we were just two customers fighting and Todd there was a manager came up. They already called the cops. The cops come up and it was luckily it was my bud, the r J again the cop in Sugar Creek, and he...

...was like what happened. I was like, hey, that dude, that dude, that dude still a bunch of ship, still digital picture frames? Uh uh? He bit me and yeah, that's it. And then he started arresting him. And the guy was like, why you arresting me? He's like, whoa you? That's you stole ship and you assaulted him. And he's like hey, and he was like looking at It's like did you get it in the face. It's like no, why, He's like, you got a big fucking red. He pulled a video. The video is just like you see him like just sucking. I did not move, but I was like I took one right to the chin. I was just like, you didn't even notice. I didn't even notice. I didn't even notice. Apparently I took I had a bite mark on my arm for two months. It never broke this that hard didn't break the skin though. I told you, and I was like, listen, I flout said this when they were putting the cups and I was like, if you have anything, I'll fucking hunt you down and kill you. And are just like you can't say that. I was like, if he has anything, yeah, because people still like a lot of that stuff, like they're either heroin addicts or something like that. So I was like, if you have anything, okay, it's like, you can't say that. I was like, fucking bit me. I get tested for a bunch of stuff. They tested me for all types of std S everything because he bit me because I didn't get anything. But like that Mark was like it was like two or three months on my arm. Jesus bit that fucking hard. We asked points where like we caught people. I don't even say we like. I don't want to say we like caught. I don't like say that we caught them, but like they were literally stealing baby food or baby formula or groceries because were they needed it, and with like we flout just buy it for him. That's what we'd always do anytime somebody got caught stealing. Oh my god, this is the most ironic thing I've ever said. I'll tell you why a sec anytime we ever caught somebody stealing something like that, we'd usually yeah, like quietly, just write it off, and and and and and let it go. I say, that's ironic, because I got fired for stealing food from Walmart. So here's what happened. I went to the deli to get uh the little like hot the plates of hot food or whatever. I would take it to the back to electronics pay for it there because it's middle of the day, it's busy as ship. You know you're doing. Yeah, so the back go to pay for electronics because the break rooms right there, and I go eat. On my way back, I ran into a buddy of mine from college and we were just walking and talking as I was on my way back, fucking just forgot to stop and pay for an electronics. Well, one of the guys who worked in UM and at this point I wasn't working grocer anymore. I was working in the back. But one of the guys who worked in UM cleaning supplies and pet supplies and all that, I fucking hated me because I had stopped him for getting a promotion because he because he came in the back room one day and was trying to start some ship and and threatened me, like threatened to kick my ass, not knowing that my boss was on the other rap on on the opposite side of the rack we were standing by. So he got written up to get the promotion. So he saw me basically not pay for it electronics and reported me straight to a p and they fired me that day because they were like because they were like, do you have problems pay for I was like, yeah, I'm broke as ship. I was like, I just forgot. I was talking to a buddy and I just forgot. It wasn't malicious or intent. And he was like, well, you can make an appeal to the store manager. Well, the store manager also hated me. And I was like, well, if I make an appeal to the store manager, he's definitely gonna say fire me. So I've had that happen in the past before. It was literally like the same thing, like literally people get caught up and this didn't think about it. Yeah, that's literally to me. To me, it just felt like people who hated me wanted wanted a reason to get rid of me, and that at least three or four times when I worked there, I was like they'd like watch it. Like even my boss will be like, yeah, they just forgot that. Like it wasn't like intentional. It was literally like they got called over the walkie or something ship like that or something happened and they're like, just forgot he's literally asked a person to pay for Yeah, it was it was a six dollar plate of food to me. It just it just rang of a lot of who didn't like you were looking...

...for an excuse to get ready. Oh here's the irony though, too. We had a girl who had a lady been there for twenty five years, twenty five years. We're just watching my video camera, like s live feed of video cameras of the cash registers, no no particular reason which my boss's boss happened to be there that day, and we're just we're kind of like going through the angles of ship and literally we hit one register and I'm like, wait, did she just steal money out of the register? Oh? Ship? And we pulled the video real faster. We watched still watching her alive, and I'm like, and she don't with the company for twenty five years and we're like, what the fuck? And we watched you watch a video like rewinding, Like yeah, pretty obvious, Like it was blatantly like just a ten dollar bill like put in her pocket, all right, odd, okay, never would have suspected her of that. They pulled her in the office and then come to the foalance. She's been doing that every day or day she worked for twenty five years, taking to pay for lunch. And I was just like what. I was like, Judith, why would you, Judy, Because, like I said, I think because the rule was like if your till is off by a little bit, they won't even bother looking at it, right because you mischange somebody, or every day years should take a ten and pay for lunch. I was like, she didn't even like fight, not even fight it, but then't even like try to even lie. She's like, yeah, I took the money and I've been doing that for At that point she probably figured I'm caught. I've put in my time. Sometimes life can give you the raw deal, and that's where dope comes in. Dope provides edible cookie dough in a variety of flavors and styles for you delivered to your house deliciously and intact. Dope also donates a portion of every sale to this She Recovers Foundation with a minimum guaranteed donation of forty thousand dollars every year. She Recovers is a nonprofit charity with a mission to connect, support, and empower women in or seeking recovery. You can also use the code t b L zero five t b L zero five to get five dollars off your order at checkout. Once again, just go check out Dope at www dot dope dot com. That's www dot d o U g HP dot com and use the code t b L O five to get five dollars off your order at checkout. One of our department supervisors was Um who was on it was on third We had a third shift crew, but it was most of her stocking, Um Lady, who was in charge of all that. She was Um. She was giving out blow jobs in the parking lot on third shift. Jesus, Yeah, because because we weren't twenty four store and we were and we were out in the middle of nowhere, and so the way it would go is the doors would always be locked except for everybody went on their fifteen minute break at the same time. Everybody went on their one hour lunch at the same time, and their second fifteen break the same. So during all the fifteen at the fifteen minute breaks in the one hour lunch, she'd be out in her car. People and guys could come could come out. Basically, guys would come out and give her whenever she was charged him and she'd blow him in the car. That's fair in mind. She was engaged to the electronic supervisor. That's that's that's such a Walmart thing. It though, it's the most Walmart fucking thing ever. Walmart blow jo up. That sounds like a dirty porn right well, Walmart b J just Hey, we're gonna do I was gonna try to go, try to hit the hit the gonna try to Caitlyn's car before it breaks around. It was gonna be a line today. Man's Valentine's Day weekend. That's wild but not surprising. We had a We had a so there was a strip club like right up the road, like a high end strip club then like you know, like a hundred dollar covers and stuff like that, like Spencer with Suck strip club. So we would have UM, one of their like...

...big premiere dangers whatever would come in every Sunday morning, UM and just shop like a motherfucker because she would be stripping like the whole night before would make a shipload of money. But she was coming in wearing what was very obviously like the cleanest stage outfit. She had. One of our one of the dudes who worked in grocery is before I took over the department, Well, it was a real scumbag. Like he'd be in the break room with his buddy and they'd be talking about the porn they watched the night before, like in grotesque detail for the whole room to hear. Um. It was just it was odd. But I guess he was one of those guys who like fancied himself. He was he was, he was a it was a SoundCloud rapper. So at one point he was talking about like, yeah, we're gonna go shoot a video or whatever something this weekend. I guess he went up to this girl and asked her if she wanted to come be a dancer and one of his videos, and she was with her mom, and I guess her mom flew off the handle, saying that he was accusing her daughter of being a stripper, which she fucking was. But I guess mama didn't know that. Um. Anyway, he had him getting fired, like on the spot. That's so funny. That's because this guy, this guy was like, so are our our our our zone manager was his lady. And Antiffany who she was. She was a big thick girl, but she was here. He would always call her Marshmallow because she was she was she was white, so so she'd be like she'd be like whatever. His fucking name was, Andy Commarity like that, what's up, Marshmallows? Like what the dude, dude, that's middle of nowhere in South Carolina, man, you meet all fucking types. There was jobs in the parking lot at Walmart. My favorite was so because I was over grocery. Was also over in charge like cleaning supplies and ship so um. I was over scanning and doing my accounts and all that. One morning and this guy comes up and he's like, hey, I need a lot of bleach um and this is all you have here on the on the shelf and he shouload a bleach here. I was like I scanned. I was like, yeah, I got some more cases in the back. And he's like he's like, yeah, they're doing a big cleaning job. I need a lot of it. And I'm like, all right, let me go see what I got. And I go grab like a couple of cases and I was like, but I leave like three or four there. I'm like, I gotta stock my shelves. I can't give him all the bleach. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I just you know, I got a lot to do this weekend. He puts the bleach in his cart and I noticed on the little where the children's seat is a little top rack he's got he bought a bunch of bullets from over who. We didn't sell guns, we sold ammyn And I was just like, I'm gonna walk away now. I was telling my my boss about it, and she was like, what did you do. I was like, I walked away. I didn't want to cross the line of becoming an accessory ember one time when I worked there, this is this is before I did Lost Revenge. Somebody like do you guys kept me in like the tiny bags? I was like, what I mean? She like the tiny bags like sandwich bags, but tinier like the snack bags. I was like, that's why I thought. She's like, no, tell you that. I was like for drugs. I was like, all you guys don't happen to you. I was like, no, we don't. I didn't even click with me. That's literally, I said, just like for drugs at that point, I didn't give a shit about my job yet. At that point, Fuck, I'm like for because nobody's ever like no, like, what the fuck Jesus? Okay, Oh that doesn't raise a good question. Where do they get those tiny bottle bags? I don't know. That's also I thought about that too, because I've never seen those. Um. I mean, now you can get them at a dispensary, I'm sure, but there was like for drugs. My buddy Rob was working with me. It just laughed. There was one time I was working when I was working at the dry cleaner in college. Um, we were on this populated road in your downtown, a lot of a lot of criminals walking around, a lot of...

...hookers. And there was one time the cops. There was this guy going through a park a lot and the cops pulled him over and were arresting him, and he they were pulling just prescription bottle after prescription bottle out of his pocket that he had bottled whatever, So they couldn't they ran out of evidence bags. Oh, Jesus. So they come into the dry clean like, do you have any bags we could use? And all I had were like the little tiny plastic bags you put like people's like when you go through their pockets and they're chaining. Yeah, I was like, I got a box of these and they were just filling those but like they can only fit like two bottles of pills in each. But that's how many fucking bottles of pills this guy had on him. Was that they ran out of evidence bags and he run out of evidence bags. That's how much evidence you find on somebody anymore. It's like, I don't know's there's a a guy. There's a dollar General, so you can go buy a buy a Hefty bag and buy a box of Hefty trash bags. I don't know if anyone more crazy Walmart. So ways, definitely no blowjob, parking lot, blowjob fucking so Walmart. I mean I worked, I worked too Thanksgiving, Black Fridays, the and you know, I'll be honest because by the time I did it, that had been going on for so many years, it wasn't that rough, like it was crowded. So the first one I did, I was in charge of just these one of the particular TVs, and it was we got this many everybody else gets a risk gets a if you can show up here, you get a wristband. Everybody else gets a coupon to go get one online. And once we were out, we're out. And once we were out, we were pretty much told to just funck off and just be in the back on call in case in for something else. Okay, it's not that bad. The second year I did it was when I was um work in the back room. Well, there weren't any there was no stocking happening that day. It was all just Black Friday. So we came in and basically just they had us just keep an eye on the store until the Black Friday sales started and then we got the funk off and go home. Yeah, because there was nothing I can do for us that day, stay with inventory. By the first year I worked there, because I promoted after a couple of months, so then I had to be there for inventory, which was a nightmare. The second year we did inventory, I was in the back room. There was nothing for me to do. We weren't allowed to stock. The shelves were ok, so they were like all right, inventory starts at eight am. I have a good one. Mike Bike. Black Friday Last Prevention or ASCID Protection. Black Friday is great. I remember sitting there. I'm like, you can't catch anybody stealing. It's like there's so many people. Oh yeah, no, it's like it would have to be like in front of somebody. It's just nothing that even if you saw somebody, there's so many people to where like if they got ahead of you, like, how did the fuck? Yeah? Like, but anyways, I had we had one. We had one. Well, I remember this. We're watching security cameras on like the TVs. Just sitting there, I was, there's like literally nothing we can do. We're just watch and make sure nothing goes out of hand. And all of a sudden, like there's waiting until because it's twout four hours, so people were in there just waiting for the sales are gone, and some lady just happens to like an old lady. Mind you, she's not you can tell her body language. She was actually waiting for stuff that was on the others, like on another skid because she didn't want the TVs. But she just kind of like sat back like this one with her hand to relax for a second, and all chaos broke out. Like everybody's like, oh my god, everything, it's just people start grabbing, like threw her off the thing, start grabbing t We had to run out there to make sure she was okay because it literally on camera looked like she got trampled and like they started the Black Friday sale at that store like twenty minutes beforehand. Because as soon as that lady did that you watched, She's really was just like just leaning on it, leaning on it, like not facing it, just leaning on it. Chaos. We're like...

...what it was like ants going back into like an aile just to grab shoot. We were like the fuck. So pretty much everybody stopped because I think this year they're most of the stories are going back to last year too. They were like, we're not gonna be upen Thanksgiving. They shouldn't be Black Fridays. I mean like it was like there was that time it was just literally like Thanksgiving much for your family. I don't know what it was. Randomly all sounds like we're started our Black Friday shopping thanks Giving. So it was May so I can sell I can tell your firsthand. So Macy's was the one that led the trend, led the trend on this. Macy's was the one that started doing it, and then it was always Macy's. Then Target, than Walmart, Macy's would do it. And then because it's even waiting for when everything would be announced to be remember we're going at Walmart and the people would ask, what are they announcing the stuff? They're like, we're waiting for Target to announce their's because they would wait for Target to announce their's and then announce something that they thought was better, so starting earlier, lower, big, or discount whatever. So there was the one year where finally somebody died at Macy's. The next year macy said, Okay, no more, we're going to be open. We're gonna open a little early and close a little late, but we're not doing any crazy Black Friday sales. And then online sales started to pick up because in Cyber Monday launched. And then last year Macy's was like okay, because but then at that point everything was we were everything was open on Thanksgiving and it was like so funk all of us because now we have to work these twelve hour, fifteen hour days on Thanksgiving and the irony as I thought this too, sounds like, what's really fucked up about that? So you're giving people that most people worked those jobs are not as well off, so therefore they're not getting the deals. Therefore, the people who are making more money are getting the deals, but the people who would actually who need it, who could probably use that discount more on getting them because they're working. It's I've always thought that too. Ye. So but yeah, because last which is why, which is why why by by fuck big Lots? Because Big Lots still stays open on Thanksgiving? Really yeah, when last year I went to Big last year, which is when I was shopping, they saw they had a signce that they'd be open Thanksgiving. I was like, fuck big Lots. Then also, it's Big Lots. What do you guys think you're gonna be on top of something by being upen on Thanksgiving? If you just need the business? But Big Lots, Uh, do you guys have can just buy you? Right? If I buy enough merchandise, do I just own the store? It's yeah, but yeah, So Macy's was always kind of been the one that led the charge, and when they were the first one to say that, yeah, we're not gonna up on Thanksgiving because also people just stopped showing up the work. People were quitting or just not showing up on Thanksgiving, like yeah, because they especially during COVID because they were like no, fuck this. When I worked at Walmart twenty for hour, Um, we had to start showing up I think at like eight pm on Thanksgiving to get everything ready. Oh my god, just to set up alone was we weren't open to the public. It was just to get everything ready and make sure everything was gotting to that point so that I mean, I get that, and eventually it was like open all thing and I'm just like what what Not only that, but then we would get into where for the entire so we'd have Black Friday weekend, and then for pretty much the next week week and a half, they had all of the management guys like me were coming in and working third shift just so we could redis redistribute leftover stuff that didn't get sold, which was mostly like towels and ship Yeah, it's sever the most expensive. It was just trying to get all this extra stuff out on the floor and then we were just we were just stretched thin. So my favorite thing I did was there's a video game and when to come out. That was half off a Walmart Black Friday. So what I did was just like this is after I quit um Walmart, and I go over toils like the video game case...

...because everybody else is waiting for I was like, hey, I know the video game is going on sale. Everybody does, but they think it's gonna be like I know the UPC is going to be the same has to ring out for the same cost. So like probably two hours beforehand, I just like go over the game cases because they're a lot, was like, hey, can I get that video game? Like yeah, sure, I was like okay, And I just walked around for two hours and everybod else is waiting by the video game like display that's supposed to have, and I grabbed the one that I knew would be on sale already because the thing I was like, yeah, you could, just gotta got that and waited for so they. I just walk around this video game for two hours until it was the celle went on. I read it out pretty much, and everybody else fought over some display thing. I was like, I don't know why people just didn't think about getting the video games are already in the case waiting. A lot of times they tell them, or they lead them to believe that unless you get it from right there, it's not going to right It would just make any sense. They don't know how it works. I always loved because when I was being the grocery guy, I was in charge of like price changes and stuff like that. So when it would be Halloween time and all the candy would start going off percent off, I'm the guy who had to put those in the systems. I'd be there the night before, marking shipped down to get it sold overnight, and then I would just grab it on my way up the door at seven in the morning. Or my favorite was when stuff was going on clearance. Um, like you know, we'd have like the limited for a limited time, the big buckets of cheeseballs. You know, okay, we had these for limited time. We're not gonna sell the more. Here's this left over. Mark him down to a buck, get him on the clearance car, get him up front. Well, that was usually when I would just start putting word out to all the people working, like, hey, guys, cheeseball barrels are about to go on sale for like a buck, and so they wouldn't even make it to the clearance aisle up in the front of the store because I'd be in the back scanning the upc marking it down, putting a label on it, handed it off to somebody. There was another one where it was like that the just the cans of planters, you know, honey roasted nuts and can shoes, marking them down to a buck. I walked that with like fifty of those fuckers because that was my one chance to do because it was kind of like you're saying, it's yeah, we're all fucking broke ass Walmart workers. Though, whenever she was getting marked down, managers were coming up being like, hey, when is this ship going on sale? I'm also like thinking like Walmart, like so like Walmart underpays their employees grotesquely, So like not only do they underpay their employees, but like how much money did they get back from their employees that shopped there so much? That's like, like, what's your really You're over it, you know what I mean. So the year the year that I was working as a grocery manager, that summer they were putting in a new dress code, they were getting they were bringing back the vests, the blue vests that everybody had to wear. Um, they were making it. And then we all had to wear like nice dress pants and like button down shirts. No more like khakis or jeans or polos or T shirts. Um, which pissed a lot of people loft because those kinds of clothes are expensive. Most of us are broke, asked Walmart employees wearing the same blue shirt we've had for twenty five years, you know. So they said that, um, they were gonna mark all the price tags like the shelf labels with the Walmart Spark to let the employees know which ones were the cheapest option. It's like, oh, so you know how broke we are. But also because I was at I was at the district meeting when they were announcing that, and uh, anybody any questions, And because they said, now we're going to these these dark blue, navy blue vests. All shirts have to be navy blue and the pants have to be black dress pants. So I raised my hand. I said, yeah, you want us to switch to more layers and darker colors when it's about to be July in South Carolina. And the lady was just kind of like ship, it's just fog you. I didn't. I don't like I had. Basically, I...

...told us shut up at work one time when I worked at well now I still work at Verizon. Like, yeah, so we're obviously sponsored the NFL, and uh, we have this thing you donate your phones to women's women's shelters and stuff like that and donate the phone. So I was like in the meeting, I was like, you guys think it's just kind of ironic that we're sponsored in the NFL, but yet we're having people donate to women's battered shelters. H.

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